Lessons of the Legacy - Generation Two - Part One
Finding Our Happiness

Hey! My name is Trisanu Legacy and this is my little sister Aithne. We live together in a tiny nowhere town called Little Hope. Just recently, our father Riordan passed away and to help fill the void he left behind, I decided to continue keeping track of our family in a photo album, just as he always did. About myself - I might look like a bit of a slacker, but I'm actually a politician - that's what I've wanted to be since I was little. I'm doing well at it! I'm currently a Congressman...... Not bad for a kid that started out with pretty much nothing!

Aithne is still a teenager. She's very shy and unsure of herself most of the time, and I know that she doesn't think she's very pretty. To be brutally honest, she's not as pretty as some... but she's not hideous or anything. I don't think she gives herself enough credit. If she'd just open up a bit, I think prettiness would come as well. Can't tell her that, though. Dad and Mina always tried, but Aithne's pretty stubborn about it.

This is my fiance', Saionji. Isn't he awesome? I love him so much, and I have for as long as I can remember, ever since I first met him when I was a kid. We've gone through a lot together, but our relationship is only stronger because of it. Most of the time. Saionji is a really introverted person and he tends to hide and retreat when things are stressful, so sometimes it's tough getting him to open up. He was very close to my father before he died, too, and took his death hard... which was doubly painful for him because his mother Mina had died pretty recently as well.

I'm a little worried about where Saionji and I are right now.... but I'll get into that in a minute. Gotta finish introducing people and catching up on what's happened first!

This is me and Saionji's little brother, Kiritan. Yep... he's brother to both of us. See, my mother, Brandi, died when Aithne was a baby. After quite a long time, my dad got involved with Saionji's mother - Mina - and they became very serious about each other and eventually they had Kiritan together. It was pretty weird at first that my boyfriend's little brother was also mine, and that his mother was dating my father... but we all got used to it. Mina used to say that things like that didn't really matter... what mattered was the closeness and love that we all shared. And she was right. Coming around to understanding that was just one of the many hurdles Saionji and I had to deal with.

When Mina died, she left Saionji alone to raise Kiritan, who was still just a toddler at the time. Dad wanted to help them out... have them move in with us or something, because they were running low on money and Saionji had to give up his art to get a job to support himself and Kiritan. But Saionji refused help.

That's because he's so stubborn and felt that the obligation and burden was his alone to carry. See what I mean about how he won't open up when things are stressful? Well, I was still a teenager at the time all this was going on, but I was already determined I was going to fix it as soon as I could, because I didn't want Saionji to have to deal with it alone. I got a good intern position, setting myself up to get a promotion as soon as I left school. Dad had retired well and had a good pension coming in, so I figured he would be able to take care of himself and Aithne, while I could move in across the street and provide for Saionji and Kiritan. Dad seemed to think it was a pretty good plan and that I had my head on straight about it all, and we were both worried about the stress Saionji was under.

Everything went as planned! I got promoted right out of school. I asked Saionji if he wanted to make it all official, and he did - this picture was taken the night that we got engaged, I'd never felt so happy! And I was sure that everything would be alright for all of us. Saionji and I started making plans to move me into his place and have our joining ceremony....

And then.... then Dad died. It's still so hard for me to grasp, and I really do feel more empty inside than I ever have before.

The night of his death, I could only sit and stare, barely thinking, barely reacting, because it all seemed so unreal. My Dad had worked his way up from the mailroom of a nowhere business to CEO of an entire corporation, he'd worked so hard to provide for us, and in the early days he often went without so that Aithne and I would have what we needed. When he first moved into this house, it was a one-room shack... but now it's a nice home filled with most everything we could ask for. He was a selfless provider.

But more importantly than that... he gave us so much love. Neither Aithne nor I ever had to question how he felt about us, because he always made the time to let us know. And he did the same for Kiritan and even Saionji, pulling him into the family by showing him how much he cared. When all that love was suddenly gone... I just didn't know what to do....

I know that Dad would not like the decisions I had to make after he died... but I really didn't have any choice. He probably would have wanted me and Saionji to continue with our plans of union, but how could I? Aithne is too young for me to leave on her own... she's just a teenager and is so insecure and flighty. She has no way of supporting herself and lately she hasn't been doing well enough in school to get a job, how could I leave her to fend for herself? I couldn't. I'm her brother and I love her. I have to stay here with her until she graduates, gets a job and can take care of herself.

The hardest part of it all, though... was having to talk to Saionji about it and tell him of my decision. I hate the thought of him retreating from me again, it makes me ache inside, and I felt so guilty... like I was abandoning him or something, even if I really had no choice. And I also felt as though this collapse of our plans was somehow my fault, even though logically I know it's not. But... I hadn't thought ahead. I had never once imagined what might happen if my Dad were suddenly gone, because I was so used to him being here. I had not prepared for this eventuality....

But... well, Saionji understood. He told me that he'd expected that this would probably happen, because he knew that I could no more leave Aithne when she needed me than he could consider leaving Kiritan.

"We both have responsibilities that we need to see through before we can look to our own happiness," he told me as he pressed his forehead against mine and shut his eyes. I can't entirely agree with that... Dad always insisted that happiness was one of the most important things to find in order to be fulfilled... but really, what choice do we have? This is the way it has to be.

Watching Saionji leave that night.... following him as he crossed the street and disappeared back into his own house... it felt like an ending. A very final and painful ending. Curse it all.... I've always tried to be strong and optimistic about everything, but I'll admit.... at that moment I felt hopeless and very very alone. No matter how I work at keeping things upbeat between us, I know that Saionji is going to drift further and further away from me. Now don't get me wrong! I will work at it. I won't give up and I won't let him close himself off from me completely. But that night... I just needed my own private moment to ache inside....

And a moment was about all the time the Universe granted me to dwell on it, actually, because problems with Aithne started pretty quickly after that. This is Orlando Centowski and he is far far from being my favorite person. He's a bit younger than me, a little older than Aithne, and back when I was in school I heard a lot of bad rumors about him and how he liked to play around and use girls. When he started showing interest in Aithne, I was NOT pleased and told Dad about it pretty quick. In order to see him, Aithne started sneaking out at night and her grades dropped and we had a couple fights about it, but Dad allowed her to see him as long as she promised to do her schoolwork and not get too serious.

Well.... unfortunately, now that Dad is gone, Aithne seems to have turned more and more to Orlando and is spending as much time with him as she can. I just don't get it. He's not a very nice guy, I don't understand why she would want to be with him!

I had a chance to ask about it, though. Tosha is Aithne's best friend and has known her for a long time, so I figured if anyone would know what's going on in my sister's head, then Tosha would be the one to ask. She told me that Orlando is the only boy who's ever shown any interest in Aithne and so Aithne is eager to do whatever she can to keep him interested, even though she knows he has a bad reputation. "C'mon..." I said, "He can't possibly be the -only- boy that's ever been interested in her." Yeah, so she's not stunningly gorgeous, so what? She's no ghoul either, so what's the deal?

"She's too shy," Tosha explained, "So no one else notices her. And if they do, then they pick on her and she's so quiet that she just lets them. Orlando stood up for her at school one day and she's been crushing on him ever since."

Alright... I suppose that did explain a lot. And I suppose it was good that Orlando defended her, and I can see how gratitude could lead to a crush. But I still don't like it! Whatever else happened, Orlando still has that reputation and the tough military-brat attitude. That's not good for Aithne.

As it turns out, though, Orlando wasn't as interested in Aithne as she was in him. She got a little too eager one day and asked him to go steady with her.... he rejected her, which was pretty horrible for her. I understand that, and I know she's got to feel awful about it, but really.... I think it's for the best. If he's such a distraction that she can't keep her grades up and is sneaking out to be with him... then he's not a good influence. I feel bad for Aithne, but I told her from the beginning that he was bad news.

I guess an "I told you so" is not what she needed to hear. And I felt especially bad to come out one night not too long after that and find her sleeping on the lounge in Dad's art corner..... I know she misses him and feels lost and upset without him... and I can't tell you how I wish he was still here to give her the love and advice that she doesn't seem to want to accept from me....

As a diversion one evening, I took her up to the store/rec center (it's the only place of business in town, so it's gotta be everything, pretty much) and we ran into one of her friends from school there... a kid named Alvin. He was obviously really taken with her, it made me laugh to see how eager he was to talk to her and listen to him stumble all over his words. Now, I can't say that I'm all that thrilled with any boy being after my little sister, but if she's gotta date someone, then I think this Alvin is a much better choice over Orlando.... I wish Aithne could see that Orlando is not the only boy to ever show interest after all.

I was hoping that once she got over being rejected, that would be the end of it, but I was wrong. A lot of times in the evenings we play chess together. I'm not very good at it and sometimes I have to cheat to keep up with her, but I like to try to fit a game in whenever we can just to keep us close and talking. Well, this evening when she came home from being over at a friend's house... I discovered she'd changed her hair! That was hard enough to get used to after so many years of seeing it done up one way... not that I was going to protest the color or anything... whatever makes her feel better.... but she was also really laying the makeup on extra thick and I personally thought it looked pretty... well... trashy.

That wasn't the end of my shock, though. She asked if she could go out and I said it was okay. It was a weekend and she'd finished her homework and everything.... geeze! Listen to me! I feel like such a... a.... father! Anyway, she went and changed clothes and came out of her room wearing this tiny little halter top and really really short cut-offs! Now she -really- looked trashy! But she wouldn't let me lecture her about it, running out of the house as soon as she'd called someone to pick her up. Geesh! What in the world is going on with my shy little sister?

Tosha told me that she was pretty startled by the change in Aithne as well and tried to talk about it. "Well, you wear makeup and shorts too," Aithne argued with her, even when Tosha tried to point out that there was a difference between looking respectable and looking loose. Like usual, Aithne was too stubborn to listen to any good advice from anyone, not even from her best friend or from me. Well... that's not entirely true. She'll listen, she just won't process and pay attention.

And then I found out why.... she's using her new look to try and attract Orlando, and apparently it's working because he started hanging around the house again, trailing after her like she's in heat or something. I see that as proof positive that he's only interested in one thing from her, just the way he only wanted one thing from all the other girls he's messed around with. Everytime I see him, I feel so angry that I want to punch him. Can you just imagine the headlines? "Congressman Decks Teenager!" Yeah, that would work wonders for my career!

I was feeling really flippin' stressed about this, trying to keep a rein on my temper and talking to Aithne about it, working on getting her to understand that if she would just be herself, she'd be able to find much better companionship than anything she's going to attract by dressing like a.... okay, I won't say that. When I spoke to Saionji on the phone one evening, he must of sensed that stress because he interrupted our conversation with a very abrupt, "Come over here. Right now."

I was only too happy to... and I felt so much better after talking to him in person about everything Aithne's doing and how frustrated I am about it. "Come over and talk to me when you're feeling like that," Saionji said after I'd vented. "Didn't your Father always used to stress how important communication is?"

"It's pretty ironic that you, of all people, would be the one to remind me of that...." I had to laugh as I replied. And here I thought I would have to be the one to pull him back when he retreated.

It was so good to spend the night over there with Saionji and Kiritan.... it felt comfortable and right and I could almost imagine that Dad hadn't died, that I'd moved in with Saionji and we'd had a joining ceremony. I enjoyed talking to Kiritan about my job... he's always been interested in politics just as I always was. I don't know where I get it from, but Kiritan's interest probably comes from his mother. She was a Congresswoman when she passed away. Kiritan was eager to hear whatever I wanted to tell him. It's really weird.... it seems like he was just a baby yesterday, but he's going to be having his birthday soon! Dad always used to talk about how fast time went when you weren't paying attention to it. I can totally relate to that now.

But, of course, the best part of the night was time spent alone with Saionji in his room. He has always moved very slowly in our relationship, taking each step forward with great caution and wariness. Sometimes this has frustrated me, because I'm more the type of person who likes to jump right into things, but I've always tempered myself for him and moved at whatever pace he set. Even though we're adults and we've gotten very intimate... we haven't yet gotten THAT intimate. It was a big step for him to cuddle with me in his bed, and I was very grateful for it, because I needed to be close to him badly. I feel so alone when I'm not with him.

Of course, in spite of spending such a cleansing and special night with Saionji, the problems were still waiting for me at home when I got back. Aithne is laying things on very thick now, really working on making Orlando want her. I still don't like it. But if Orlando has any saving grace, it's that he's at least serious about his future... he's already a recruit in the military, so I suppose that's a point in his favor. I just wish I could be as certain that his interest in Aithne wasn't just physical, but with her looking like that... it's hard to imagine otherwise.

Aithne has been so absorbed in her own life that she hasn't been over to see Kiritan and Saionji in awhile... which is too bad because she used to love to spend time with Kir when he was a toddler. But, of course, we went over for his birthday party. We were surprised because he acted rather aloof toward her, which is strange because he's a pretty outgoing kid and he'd always liked her as well.

After he'd had his party, we found out why that was. Not a child anymore, he didn't bother holding back his words at all. He said he was disappointed in her because of how she looked and the way she was dressed, and how she was fawning over Orlando most of the evening.

"What are you trying to do? You look ridiculous with all that junk all over your face! You look like trash!" he told her. We were pretty surprised by his abruptness, and Aithne was furious. She left in a huff right after that. Gotta hand it to Kir, though. He was bold enough to say straight what the rest of us haven't really wanted to.

Other than that blow-out and Aithne being so angry, it was a pretty nice party. Kiritan grew up well and got to hang around with some of our friends and local teenagers. And at one point, Saionji looked out the kitchen window, then called me over to look as well. Kiritan and one of Aithne's younger friends... I think her name is Marsha... were spending time together out on the swing set, both looking rather coy as they talked. I had to laugh to see Kir looking so reserved when he'd been unhesitating in laying into Aithne earlier. Not that it's necessarily a good thing that he upset Aithne... though, someone had to say it..... but it struck me as funny that Kir could be bold one minute and then skittish the next when facing a pretty girl.

The next evening, Aithne was still angry. We didn't get far into our usual chess game before she spit a question out at me. "You think Kiritan's right, don't you? You think I'm making trash of myself by trying to be pretty and desirable!"

Of course... that's what I've been trying to tell her all along, though in a much more diplomatic way than Kiritan had. Once more, I explained to her that if she would just be herself, she would be able to find someone worthy of her who liked her for who she really was.

"You don't understand!" she argued back. "I'm not so pathetic and desperate that I'm trying to attract just anyone. I love Orlando! I'm doing this because this is what he likes!"

Use of the word "love" shocked the heck out of me! But still, I tried again. I told her I didn't think Orlando was right for her, he had a bad reputation, he was only interested in her physically, not for who she really was. And if he only liked her when she looked the way she did.... then he definitely wasn't worth it!

She shot back with: "How is my love for Orlando any different from what you felt for Saionji when you were my age? If everyone had told you that he was bad for you, wouldn't you have been doing whatever you could to prove them wrong?"

Curse it all! How do I even begin to counter that? It's not the same! Saionji wasn't like Orlando, but she can't see the difference. I don't know how to convince her! I'm trying, though. I talk to her about this as often as I can, hoping one of these days she'll understand. At least she's open to listening, to communicating. If she ever closed herself off... the way my mother did... I don't know what I'd do.

But, even though I talk to her about this every day, she still keeps seeing Orlando, inviting him over, laying it on so thick it really makes me ill. This is not my shy baby sister who used to be afraid to talk to other people. I feel like I don't even know this girl. She's so forward and determined... yes, she was always stubborn, but never like this.

I can really identify now with parents who raise troublesome teenagers. In a fit of frustration one evening, I asked Saionji how our own parents ever managed it? It's all so insane! Gently, he said "You and I were never like Aithne, Tri." I could have gotten mad over what he was implying... but I know it's the truth. And Saionji cares about Aithne too, he thinks of her as a little sister. It hurt him to have to say such a thing about her.

One evening, Aithne had Orlando over while I was across the street... and I guess she finally got what she wanted. She asked him to go steady and he agreed. I'm sure that he now saw it as the best road to getting what he was after too. When Aithne told me about this later, I felt just sick by it.... but then, I was already angry for other reasons. Before I came home, she had him slip down into the basement, so I didn't even know he was there. I headed off to bed... but a little while later, noises out in the living room woke me up....

...and I came out to find the two of them on the couch together, obviously enjoying themselves. Now, I'm not already so old that I don't remember what it was like to be a teenager, but I stole my moments with someone I love, and someone who loved me in return. Aithne might think she loves Orlando, but I don't believe that the reverse is true. He was pushing his advantage now that they were going steady and she was more willing to let things go that far. To say I was mad would be an understatement. I've always done my best to maintain an even temper if I could... but in defense of those I love? Forget it? Restraint is out the window. And I saw this clearly as Aithne being in danger.

I yanked Orlando off the couch and laid into him hard, pretty much forgetting every bit of my diplomatic training. A sleeze was probably the nicest name I called him... I won't repeat the other things I said here, but suffice it to say I told him exactly what I thought of him, and warned him in no uncertain terms to keep his hands off my sister. Then I told him to get out and not to come back.

I was pretty mad when Aithne ran out after him to give him a hug and, standing on the front porch to make sure he left, I heard her tell him that she'd talk to me, get me to understand. He said "Okay, you do that," in a tone that told me that he didn't really care one way or another. If he could get what he wanted from her, then that was great. If he couldn't... well, it was no loss to him. Oh yeah, Aithne. I understand. I understand perfectly.

I did cool down, though, after he finally left and I saw the expression on Aithne's face. Curse it all... I realized then that she's gotta be stressing about this whole thing from her point of view as much as I'm stressing from mine. She really does think that she loves him, and she's so eager to make him love her back that she's pretending to be something that she's not. I could have lectured her right then and there... I could have ranted and forbid her from ever seeing him again... but I just didn't have it in me. My anger was gone. I just took her back into the house, nudged her to go to bed and kept quiet about what had just happened.

That's not to say that I was going to let it slide, though. I kept trying to talk to her, to convince her that Orlando wasn't a good choice for her. She listened, and I got her to admit that he did have a bad reputation and that she knew he had used other girls in the past. I thought that was a step in the right direction until she added "I know that I can change him. Once he loves me, he won't have to do those sorts of things any more."

Oh Aithne.... why won't you understand? Why won't you open your eyes?

In the meantime, across the street, Kiritan has settled for a look that he really likes and I gotta admit that he is a pretty handsome kid. He looks a lot like Dad. And in contrast to all the problems I've been having with Aithne, Kiritan has been as good as gold for Saionji. Though, he's given plenty of indication that he's not satisfied in the least with the situation between his two older brothers, and true to his boldness on the night of his birthday, he's been pretty vocal about it. "Why aren't you two together?" "What are you waiting for?" "When are you guys ever going to get around to having your joining ceremony?" I hear some variation on these types of questions every time I go over there.

Creativity runs in the family. Dad was a portrait artist and Saionji loves to do abstracts.... though he doesn't get much time to with his job... I think that the creativity skipped me, since I don't do anything like that (that's not entirely true... I'm writing a book, but it's a nonfictional account of the money scandal that corrupt parties forced through after Mina's death... I've been researching it all and hope to clear her name. Anyway, I don't think of that as very creative). But, Kiritan's preferred outlet is the piano. He's already very good and I told him that he should think about pursuing music as a career, but he says it's just a hobby. He wants to go into politics just as much as I did.

He is going to have to learn some more about tact, though, if he wants to get very far. It seems like every time he's over, he and Aithne have a fight about how she looks, and his usual insults have expanded into how he thinks she's being stupid to chase after a guy who only wants.... well, again, I won't repeat exactly what he said, but I'm sure the meaning is clear enough.

I remember back when I was little, Dad made a hobby of amatuer astronomy. He had a cheap little telescope set up out in the front yard at the time and would often go out there in the evenings to star gaze. Before he died, he bought this nice fancy scope and put it on the side porch. Sometimes when all of us kids were partying or out playing in the hot tub, he'd be there quietly star gazing, probably watching over us as he did.

Since he died, I haven't given much notice to the telescope, but one evening when Kiritan was over and he was fighting with Aithne... I went out there just to escape the noise and on a whim I started fiddling with the thing.... and I discovered exactly why Dad always enjoyed it. For a little while, concentrating my attentions on the cosmos, I was able to forget about everything else entirely.

I still miss him so much... A few years ago, we used to see my mother's ghost around a lot. Her's was a restless spirit because she'd been an extremely unhappy person in life, and it always bothered me to see her ghost looking so angry and bitter. I always pray that Dad, who had a good long life filled with love, went on to something better. And since we've never seen his ghost, I can only assume that he did.

Sometimes, though..... sometimes I can almost feel him still around, especially late at night when I'm working on the book.... I hope he went on to something better, but I have to admit that it brings me comfort to think that he might still be watching out for us.

I don't know how Saionji does it, but he always seems to know when I'm especially stressed out and he comes to my rescue. He came over when I was feeling especially down and alone one night. Aithne had gone out and I just knew that she'd gone with Tosha to meet Orlando at the new dance club that someone built in that old factory on the edge of town. I went out to get the mail, and there was Saionji. We didn't say much, but when we went back into the house, he led me straight back to my room.

He was ready to take the next step in our relationship... and as much as I was glad of that I felt pretty guilty as well. Was he doing this because I'd been so distant lately? Was he trying to get my attention.... sort of in the same way Aithne was pushing herself on Orlando to get his?

"Maybe," he said, "Maybe I am trying to bring you back to me. But I'm where love is, Tri.... wouldn't you rather be here than wherever you are?"

Curse it all.... he very nearly brought me to tears. I think of all the time I spent when we were teenagers, trying to pull him to me and get him to open up, and how I'd worried after Dad died that Saionji was going to be the one to pull away from me.... and now.... I'm the one retreating, and he's saving me. "You did it for me.... I'm returning the favor...." he told me. I can't believe how much I love him!

It's pretty rare that I can get a full smile outta Saionji, that's why this is such a special picture. He's so beautiful! I wish... I wish.... man, how I wish that we could be together the way we'd always planned to be! But I've got Aithne to think about, and he's got Kiritan, and the both of us are just too stubborn and independent to bow to combining our efforts into one household. Cursed pride...

But, we didn't think about any of that stuff on this night. Aithne, Kiritan, Orlando.... it was all so far away it might have been on another planet. For us, the only true world was in my bedroom, and the only reality we knew was each other....

And this.... this was probably the most peaceful perfect moment I have ever known in my life... holding my lover in my arms as we slept together... For whatever reason he gave this gift to me... it was exactly what I needed.....

I wish I could say that night together made every thing else right and that all the problems went away. They didn't, but I did feel as if I had a better handle on everything and my temper and disposition was even once more. And it wasn't too long after that I was elected as a judge to the Sim City Central Court! That's a very big move forward in my career! I was thrilled, of course, but I was happiest that Aithne came out to congratulate me with a huge loving hug when I got home. For a little while, I didn't feel like she was quite so far away from me anymore.

The strained relationship between her and Kiritan just keeps escalating, though. Sometimes I think he comes over here just to pick fights with her and piss her off. I don't know... maybe that's exactly what she needs, and Kir is the only one bold enough to really yell at her. Tonight when he was here, he pointed to her portrait on the wall - the one Dad painted of her when she first became a tenager - and he said, "Look! What the **** happened to you? You used to be so pretty!"

"I was never pretty!" she yelled back at him, probably more angry than I'd ever heard her. Kiritan had obviously struck a nerve. "I was always ugly! Ugly! I'm pretty now!" She holed herself up in her room after that.

Kiritan apologized to me before he left. "I'm sorry Tri, but I'm just trying to get her to see...."

"I know," I said, gripping his shoulder. "It's okay, Kiritan. Thank you."

Kiritan wasn't nearly as aggressive with her after that, and for awhile things sort of evened themselves out. I didn't hear any talk about Orlando from Aithne for some time, and than I discovered that was because he'd been away at basic training. We happened to be outside one afternoon chatting with our friend Osha when Orlando came by to see Aithne, and we were all surprised to see that he'd had his birthday and was an adult now. And you can bet I was NOT happy to see him - an adult - plant a hug on my little sister. Oh no.... I was not happy with that at all. Neither was Osha, if the look on her face is any indication.

In fact, I had words with Orlando after I sent Aithne into the house. He was as lackadaisical about the whole situation as always, making it perfectly clear to me through his tone and attitude that he was still only interested in getting one thing from my sister. There was no way I was going to stand for that. I ordered him off my property right then and there.

And I talked to Aithne about it. Now that he was an adult, it was absolutely not appropriate for Orlando to be sniffing around here after her, and I reminded her about how Saionji and I had had to adjust our relationship when Saionji had his birthday before I did. I got Aithne to agree to suspend seeing Orlando for the time being, but she did ask if it was okay to invite him to her birthday... which was coming up very soon. I figured that as long as other people were going to be there, it would be alright, and making that deal with her made it easier for her to agree to not seeing him in the meantime.

And because her birthday was coming, we talked about the future some as well. She told me that she really wanted to get a job as soon as she graduated, so that she could start taking care of herself. I was glad to hear that.

Her birthday was very soon after that, and I can't tell you how glad I was to see that day come! Not only for her sake, but for Saionji and I as well. If Aithne was serious about taking care of herself, then that would bring our joining ceremony that much closer to becoming reality.

For the party, Tosha was over, of course, but Aithne also invited her other girlfriends Chloe and Marsha... and I'm pretty sure that made Kiritan very happy, since he seems quite taken with her... Our old family friend Marisa was there and.... of course... Orlando. I did my bet to ignore him so that I wouldn't add any stress to Aithne's birthday. She deserved to have a good one.

And she really did grow up nice.... she's still rather flighty and irresponsible, and hadn't graduated with very good grades, but she'd made it and I thought she'd be pretty if she would just get all that makeup and crud off her face. I wasn't happy to see her make a beeline for Orlando as soon as she could... but now that she's an adult.... I suppose I have to start letting her make her own decisions when it comes to such things. I just wish I was a little more confident of her judgement....

No... not happy about this at all! Still... they did seem very happy... and I guess I couldn't help but remember how wonderfully joyous I felt on my birthday when I could finally be with Saionji again.... I suppose Aithne could do worse... though I'm not sure how...

Speaking of Saionji... he was there that evening, but since he had to work, he came late. He missed Aithne blowing out her candles, but she greeted him special outside when he arrived. It was much later on that she told me that she'd said to him that everything was going to change now. She was an adult, she was going to take care of her own life, and he and I could finally be together.

And it was with that hope that Saionji and I met each other that evening, both of us feeling better than we had for quite some time. Yes, we'd had a pretty difficult time of things since Mina and Dad passed away, but we felt like we were finally turning a corner. Again... I can't say how much I love this man! But I felt like I was filled up with love and about to explode with it. Haha! Ew... that's kind of a weird mental picture, isn't it? But, that's how I felt.

And while Aithne's party went on inside, he and I spent some private time alone out in the hottub. Ha! Okay, this probably isn't the most proper picture to show... but I don't think Saionji really minded my exhibitionism. I just better hope the tabloids never get a hold of this shot! Ha ha!

I remember that we while we were cuddling, we looked at the ring on his finger... the one I'd given him the night we were engaged. It seemed like it was so long ago... far enough away that it was almost like two entirely different people had made those promises and committments to each other. But, looking at his ring... it started to feel real again. Things were changing. We were going to have our joining ceremony soon.... at last.

We shouldn't have gotten our hopes up because.... at that moment.... neither of us had any idea that this was going on....

And we didn't know about it until much later. After the promises she'd made about wanting to find her own job so that she could start taking care of herself, I'd hoped Aithne would have started right away, and she did check the papers and online, looking for something she'd be interested in... but unfortunately Aithne didn't have much in the way of skills so she was having trouble finding anything. Still, I'd waited this long and didn't mind taking care of her, I could wait a little longer. But then... one day I came home from work to find her still in bed and I started to feel a bit frustrated with her again. She told me she wasn't feeling well, but that she'd be okay.

What I didn't know at the time was that this wasn't just a matter of being a little sick....

This was not what Aithne had expected at all. And now she had some serious thinking to do. She had intended on getting a job, but her original plan had also called for getting Orlando to make a comittment to her and asking him to move in, then he would be there to take care of her and I would be free to move across the street with Saionji. Though she hadn't been prepared to face the reality of bringing another life into the world, in a way she was glad, because she supposed that this would make Orlando that much more willing to consider a serious relationship with her. She was still convinced that she loved him, so the idea of having a baby with him to be living proof of that love was appealing.

She called him over while I was at work, to share the good news with him, and to let him in on her plan of having him move in to take care of her and their baby. Once again... things did not go as Aithne expected.

The notion of a serious relationship made Orlando laugh, and his laughter naturally hurt Aithne and made her angry. She told him that she loved him, that she had always loved him, and had defended him to everyone else when they told her he was bad for her. She challenged him to prove that he wasn't the type of person that everyone thought he was. "Show them all that you love me too! Take responsibility for me and our baby! We'll be together, we'll be a family!"

Of course... Orlando wouldn't do that, because he WAS the type of person we'd all thought he was. He didn't love Aithne, he'd only been interested in her for her body and because she was forward and - in his opinion - loose. He didn't care that she was pregnant. He said it was her own problem. He had a military career to pursue and plenty of women who didn't care if he had a comittment with them or not. Aithne, he said, had been stupid enough to try and trap him, so now she was on her own.

And that was that.

It was a few more days before I knew about any of this. I had noticed that Aithne had been pretty withdrawn and quiet, but I supposed that she still wasn't feeling very well. One evening as I was working on the book, however, she gathered up her courage to come out and asked to talk to me.

I was stunned, to say the least! And at first I simply didn't know how to react. Just like Dad's death, this was an eventuality that I had not forseen, so I was just not prepared for it.

Then all the stress and frustration and everything else just seemed to erupt to the surface and I got angry. Yes, I was mostly angry at her, for doing something so incredibly stupid and for being so blind and naive' that she'd actually thought she could get Orlando to committ to her. I was angry that this had to happen now, right on the proverbial eve of Saionji and I finally being able to know our own happiness. I was angry at Orlando for treating my sister like dirt and being exactly the scum that I'd thought he was.

But in a way... I was angry at myself as well, because a very strong part of me felt guilty that I hadn't been a better parent-figure for my sister. I'd failed in the responsibity that my father had left me.

It took me awhile to cool down this time.... in fact, I couldn't talk to her that night at all without snapping at her. For once, she didn't react with her own temper, but rather just with resignation because she felt she deserved my anger. And in a way... I agree that she did. But once I'd calmed down, we sat and talked.

She told me everything that had happened with Orlando.... and I got mad again and wanted to go beat the snot out of him - and nevermind what the headlines would say! But I didn't act on my impulse. Instead I tried to remember that Aithne was upset and scared and I tried to do what was right by her. I let her know that I was disappointed, but that I was always going to be by her side if she needed me. We'd face this all together. And I made sure to tell her, in no uncertain terms, that this nonesense with Orlando had to stop.

She agreed - finally - that I was right! "Trisanu...." she confessed to me quietly, "I know I'm not pretty and I never had any boy pay attention to me until Orlando stood up for me in school one day. I fell in love because he helped me, and even though I knew he didn't love me back, I thought if I just tried hard... if I just became exactly the type of girl he was attracted to... he'd eventually love me too. And by doing that, I thought I was finally becoming pretty. It seemed to work, but I know now that I was wrong. You, Saionji, Tosha and Kiritan.... you guys were all right. I'm sorry...."

Curse it all.... what could I do besides forgive her? At least... well, at least she finally learned the lesson, even if it was too late to prevent serious damage from being done. Not that a baby is damage but.... oh spit! What are we going to do with a baby? How are we going to take care of it?

And then.... then there's Saionji and all our plans and promises... once more put on hold. How I hated calling him over to break the news to him that Aithne was pregnant and that I was going to have to stay there and take care of her! I mean... she can't work while she's carrying, and I'm not going to leave her on her own once the baby is born, abandoning her to the life of a single mother. I know how stressful it is to be a parent now and she's so flighty and irresponsible... though I was secretly hoping that might change thanks to this new development.... that she won't be able to handle the pressure of taking care of a child on her own very well. It was the right thing for me to do, the right decision to make. But... that didn't make it any easier to break the news to Saionji....

He was understanding... as always.... but I could see it in his beautiful golden eyes.... he was disappointed and hurt. And I don't blame him at all for that. I'm sharing the same pain, and I feel so guilty because there's also a real growing resentment in my heart... towards Aithne and this ongoing situation, toward Saionji's stubborn pride that won't allow him to accept help and move out of his place into mine, just... toward everything. I don't like feeling that way. I've always tried to be optimistic and strong. But the hurt inside is like my heart being slowly eroded away...

Saionji told me that I was making the right decision. He said he understood. He whispered that he loved me all the more for my loyalty to Aithne and my determination to do what had to be done. Most importantly, however, he promised to be there for me, no matter how long it took for us to be together.

And that night... he was the one who held me....

That same evening, Aithne was taking an important look at who she was and who she had become, and she came to the conclusion that she did not like herself very much. Of course, she never had... she'd never possessed much in the way of self-esteem or confidence. She'd always thought that she was ugly. But who she was now was simply artifical... a construct that had been intended for only one person. If she could get back to being herself, she thought, maybe she could eventually learn to like who she really was. And besides... she was in no fit shape to be a maternal figure as she currently was.

So, she took the necessary steps to start to change. Years ago, Mina had spent a long afternoon with Aithne, showing her how to apply makeup so that she would look nice but not too gaudy. It was a time that Aithne had enjoyed, with a mother figure that she now sorely missed and wished was still around to guide her as she became a mother herself. Aithne reclaimed that memory and tried to apply what Mina had shown her... and, she told me later, she also tried to remember the kind of woman Mina had been in hopes of emulating her.

I'll admit... I started feeling better about this whole situation when I saw her the next morning. She looked a million times better.... like my little sister again! And seeing that she was taking steps to change herself gave me some hope that eventually... eventually, she would be able to take care of herself after all. Most importantly, she said she felt better too.

It's not going to be easy, though. She's already having a difficult pregnancy and seems to be sick more often than not. I'm glad now that she didn't get a job before this happened, because it would have been very hard for her to work at all while she was carrying. She's been resting a lot and has been pretty quiet and thoughtful. She hasn't said much about her expectations for the baby... things like if she'd rather have a boy or a girl and whatnot, the way I'd assume most pregnant women would. But I've let her know that it's okay to talk if she wants to, not wanting the lines of communication to fade.

She spends a lot of time reading, especially about cooking. She's always been pretty good at it and I think she might be interested in trying to pursue that as a career once the baby is born and is old enough for her to go out and get a job. That would be ideal for her, I think.

And she's also trying to take up painting! Since Dad passed away, neither of us have had the heart to remove his last unfinished painting from his easel, so Aithne set up a new one near his - "To learn from his spirit," she said - and works at it whenever she feels well enough. She told me that she wants to be able to paint a portrait of her child, the same way that Dad painted ours when we were younger.

In the meantime, I've hired a contractor to strip out Aithne's old bedroom and get it ready to become a nursery again. This is one of the original rooms that Dad added to the house when he first started remodeling the little shack he lived in. It was my nursery when I was little, and Aithne's as well. It seems only right and fitting that the next generation use this room too.

In the midst of all the preparations for the next change in our lives, Kiritan came over to talk to me one evening. He first questioned my decision to stay with Aithne, telling me that it would do her good to have to fend for herself for once, as well as to have to deal with the full consequences of her mistakes. While I might privately agree with him to an extent, I would never say that out loud. I explained it all to him until he finally told me that he would support my decision and do all that he could to make sure family harmony was maintained.

"But," he said, "I don't think it's fair. You and Saionji have been taking care of me and Aithne for too long. You need to start thinking about yourselves."

"We will, Kir," I assured him, hoping that would be the end. But he had to make a point back.

"When, Tri?" he asked. "When Aithne's kid is born? When it's walking? When it graduates and leaves home? You can't keep putting off your own happiness for Aithne's."

Point taken, Kiritan.

But he also told me that he was worried about Saionji. Even though he'd been strong and supportive of my decision and I heard from him just about every day even if only on the phone, Kiritan said he was growing more distant at home. He rarely painted anymore, spoke only when it was obvious that Kiritan really needed him to, and had started channeling aggressions toward a punching bag he set up in the back yard.

I was rather startled to hear that. While I supose it's good that he's letting his frustrations and anger out.... Saionji has always been a very gentle person, so it disturbed me to hear that he was that angry. Painting was always his outlet, but Kir says he's not doing that very much anymore. This was upsetting news. Apparently my golden-eyed lover is far more distant than he's led me to believe.

And it was even more upsetting to hear Kiritan say that he caught Saionji in a moment of weakness one evening after Saionji had come home from work. "He'd gone to bed, but got back up again. I wondered what was up so I came and found him.... he was so stressed, Trisanu!" Kiritan said, looking worried and fretful. "He didn't like that I'd seen him like that, and when I asked him he just said that work had been especially hard that night.... but, Tri...."

"I know...." I said with a heavy nod, feeling like I'd turned to lead. To come to the point where he'd have a break down in control like that, Saionji had to be very stressed. Now I had something new to feel guilty about. I'd been so involved with Aithne's problems for so long that I forgot about the fact that my Saionji is dealing with a lot on his own as well. And his financial situation is far worse than mine.... he and Kiritan had lost a lot when that money scandal took place... I'm not sure Kiritan even knows about that...

Though I told Kiritan that I would do something about this all this stress.... he didn't wait around for me. The very next day he called Aithne and asked her to come over. True to his promise to show support and promote family harmony, he wanted to talk things out with Aithne. And really... I don't think it was just because he had promised me, but because he truly did want to make things right with her. We were about to have a new family member.... it was time to bury past conflicts and grudges. And Kiritan was sincerely glad that Aithne was acting more like the sister he remembered from when he was little.

They discussed things over lunch... bologna sandwiches which Kiritan made.... which believe me was quite a heroic feat for him because he is a horrible cook! He must get that from Dad. Ha!

Now, since I wasn't there I naturally don't know what all they talked about, but Aithne did fill me in on some of the highlights. Mostly it had to do with why he'd been hostile and disappointed in her while she was acting and looking trashy. And she understood now. She knew that he'd only fought with her about it all because he cared about her.

"We also talked about you," she told me. "You and Saionji." Uh oh.... did I want to know? "The two of you are broken... Kir and I want to fix you."

Kiritan also called me to come over when I got off work that evening.... so all three of us were waiting for Saionji when he arrived at home. He was surprised to find the whole family there, all of us getting along... sitting around watching TV and talking as if all the bad feelings had never happened. It was great. It really felt good. It felt right to be close and friendly like that.

It wasn't too long before Aithne and Kir left us alone, though. And of course that was what we really needed. Time to just hold each other. Time to imagine and pretend that life had gone differently for us and that we were living in that house together as joined partners.

I talked to Saionji a bit about his job and the punching bag and other things Kiritan had mentioned to me, and I wasn't surprised that he was evasive about it all... but at least now he knows that I know, so the door is open when he wants to communicate. I just left him with one request. "Please let me help you, Saionji." And, of course, he knew what I was talking about. There's no need for him to struggle financially when I make a good salary. There's no need for him to give up on his painting, which I know he loves so much.

After that, we decided that we'd talked enough and just got down to having a little fun... to smiling and even laughing. Yep! I managed to get an actual laugh out of my Saionji by pretending to be a tiger and chewing playfully on his neck! It was silliness that we both needed.

A little while later, Kiritan came over for dinner one evening when Saionji was working late (Aithne joked that Kir would starve if he had to eat his own cooking) and my two younger siblings shocked the heck out of me as they started planning mine and Saionji's joining ceremony over the pork chops Aithne had made! Talking about guests and caterers and stuff like that!

"Whoa, whoa!" I exclaimed. "What do you two think you're doing?!"

"Well, it's taking you and Saionji too long to get around to it yourselves, so we figured someone needed to step in and take charge of the arrangements," Aithne told me pointedly.

Okay. Yeah. For once in my life, I think I was pretty much speechless.

During the latter part of Aithne's pregnancy, she was feeling much better and I think the rest of us were comfortable and used to the idea at last, so everything was much nicer. I gotta admit, it was really something to see her belly getting bigger, even though she laughed and made a joke that she was as large as a house. It really was fascinating, what she was going through. And she was handling it all like a trooper, which gave me even more hope. Though she was still prone to being flighty now and then, that was becoming a rare occurance. Suddenly her and Kiritan's plans for our joining ceremony didn't seem so far-fetched anymore.

The only shadow over the pregnancy was that not once did Orlando ever call or anything... nothing that would indicate he was even remotely interested in his child. I could have pretty much predicted that would be the case, but I have a feeling that it bothered Aithne more than she let on.

The day she was due, we decided to have Saionji and Kiritan over for a family get-together. They were happy to come and show their love and support. While she'd been pregnant, we'd all spent a lot more time together as a family, and that really felt good. Though I know the rest of the world would probably think we were a pretty bizarre family! Me and Saionji lovers, sharing a common sibling.... yeah, it still seems pretty wild at times! But, like Mina said, it is the love that matters. And we all love each other.

It was good to hear Saionji and Aithne talking like they used to.... when they were teenagers, they were both very academically-minded (at least, Aithne was until she met Orlando), and they used to go on for hours about studies and science and art and... just about anything. They hadn't done that for a very long time, but they started up again that evening and it was neat to hear. Even if I didn't understand most of it!

And I could tell that his interest was really peaked when she told him she'd started painting. Kiritan and I played video games while Aithne and Saionji hung around her easel talking about technique and materials and.... heck, I don't even know what else. But they both really enjoyed it, and I found myself hoping that maybe Saionji would be inspired to get interested in his own painting again.

It's especially nice that the tensions between Aithne and Kiritan are pretty much gone now as well. It's their shared joke now to talk about planning our joining ceremony, but aside from using that to tease Saionji and I, I think they're serious about it! And at this point in the evening, Kiritan spontaneously told Aithne that he thought she was really pretty now, while she was pregnant. Saionji agreed with him. She wasn't sure what to say, but it was obvious that she was touched by the words.

Of course, Saionji and I managed to sneak in a few minutes alone now and then over the course of the day and evening. Got to spend some time together in the hot tub too! Woot!

It was very late in the night, well after Saionji and Kir had gone home, when Aithne went into labor. I was already asleep too, but I woke up and came running when I heard her calling for me. Holy spit! The whole family was there when Mina had Kiritan, but somehow the memory of just how rough labor was had faded over time. I remembered it quick when Aithne started yelling!

But.... it was over a lot faster than I would have imagined, and the newest member of the family had arrived!

Here I am saying hello to the first time to my nephew! Jodene Legacy! Aithne named him after a favorite fictional character of hers. Wow! You know... with as much resentment as I had felt at first and with as angry as I was at Orlando, I really wasn't sure how I was going to feel at this moment, this first time I was faced with the living breathing reality of the baby. But... well... I was overwhelmed. I thought he was pretty amazing. Jodene is innocent of all that happened before he came, and I swore at once that I was not going to hold the actions of his father against him.

I'm not sure how Aithne was feeling, she was pretty quiet about it all and told me that she was very tired. She needed to lay down and sleep very badly. So, she handed Jodene to me... the first time I've held a baby since Kiritan was little! I assured her that I would take care of him, and that she should get some rest.

Hello little Legacy! Welcome to the family! I can't wait to introduce you to your other uncle and your future uncle-in-law! And I promise... I'm going to do whatever I can... whatever needs to be done... to take care of you and make sure that you know as much love as your mother and I did when we were growing up.

Having a baby in the house is a completely new experience for both Aithne and I... waking up at all hours, the mess, the noise... I had no idea it was going to be like this! I don't remember Aithne being nearly as disruptive when she was a baby. Of course, I was young and Dad was here, an experienced father who knew what to do. I'm trying to pretend that I'm like him. And I know Aithne feels very overwhelmed and stressed, so I'm also trying to do as much to help her out as I can. She's surprising me, though, because in spite of being stressed, she seems to be handling things much better than I would have anticipated.

She takes very good care of Jodene, keeping him close all the time. It's pretty sweet to see. Sometimes I wonder though... she never talks much about Orlando, but there are times when she's holding Jodene that I can almost see thoughts of him in her eyes as she looks at him. He looks a lot like his father, and I think she misses Orlando and probably even still loves him, in spite of him not returning the feeling. Love isn't an easy emotion to just give up, after all. I guess I can see that... now that we've all stepped forward out of the situation and are looking back at it.

We're not the only ones adjusting to the change. But true to his desire to foster as much family harmony as possible, Kiritan has taken to being an uncle really easily. When I get home from work in the evenings, I often find him over baby-sitting Jodene while Aithne takes a break, and he claims that he loves every opportunity to spend time with his nephew. "I have to get in all the time with him now that I can, Tri," he told me one day. "I'm going to be going off to college soon, you know."

Holy spit! I was kinda shocked to realize that he was right! He is almost old enough to go to college! Where in the heck did the time go?

It's surreal. Wasn't he just a baby like... a couple of days ago? That's what it seems like. But no, he's getting more and more grown up, spending a lot of time with Marsha (getting to know her very well, I might add!), making plans for his future. And mine and Saionji's as well.

"I'll be out of the way as soon as I go to college," he says often. "So you and Sai won't have any excuse to not be together anymore."

Well... that's a nice sentiment, Kir, but you know it's more complicated than that. There's still Aithne and Jodene to consider. But...

...well... we keep promising each other: Soon. It's going to happen soon. Soon we're going to find our happiness together at last. As much as I love Aithne and Jodene, as much as I love Kiritan... being with Saionji for good is what I'm living for now. And I know he is too.

It's going to happen. After all, life has thrown us a lot of curve balls and surprises, and we've managed to get through each and every one. I doubt anything could stop us now.

***

To be continued....