Well, it certainly has been a big change in all our lives to have little Jodene join the family, but we're adjusting to it. And I have to say, I think I love this kid more and more every day. He's such a lively baby, very bright and always smiling. He always seems able to cheer me up no matter how long my day was. It is so cool having a baby in the house!

And Aithne is really a great mom. She dotes on him, giving him as much attention and care as she can. It's really amazing how much she's changed from being so irresponsible and naive' just a short time ago, but she seems to have adapted really well to having Jodene in her life.

She spends as much time with him as she can, and surprisingly enough, Kiritan is often over to visit them as well. He loves his new nephew, and he enjoys being with Aithne. Considering all the conflict and problems those two went through... it's really refreshing to see them getting along instead of constantly fighting!

At her heart, though, I think Aithne is still a little flighty.... a dreamer. She talks about grand plans all the time - how she's going to get a job, be good enough to get promoted quickly, and take care of herself and Jodene, and especially how she is going to throw a huge beautiful joining ceremony for me and Saionji - but so far she isn't actually taking any steps to make these things happen. It's all just talk. It's a little depressing for me to hear sometimes, but I just keep reminding myself.... soon. It will all work out soon.

In the meantime, even if Aithne isn't moving forward very quickly, other things are. Kiritan is working hard to make his grades so that he can get a scholarship and not put any more financial burden on Saionji. Of course, I've offered to help him with his tuition. You know, I make a lot of money! I want to use it to take care of the people I love! Privately, Kiritan told me that he appreciates the offer, but he doesn't think Saionji would like it if he accepted. It's been so important to Sai to take care of everything... a point of honor, really....

But it's so difficult watching him struggle to make it.... going off every day to a job he hates just so that he can stay on top of things and provide for Kiritan. I know that there are a lot of people in the world who don't like what they have to do for a living, but when it's someone you love... it just seems worse. It's crushing him, in a very real way, keeping him from his art.... driving him further and further distant from everybody who cares about him.

Meanwhile, over on our side of the street... I ran into one my old friends from high school, a fellow named Ricky. It was cool to see him again. He's been living in Sim City and doing pretty well for himself. Says he's got a nice condo and an expensive car, and he seemed very insistant on mentioning both alot, like he wanted to make sure I knew how good he had it. Wanting to show off, maybe? That's okay. I'm glad he's doing well! But fancy cars and all that... those were never things that I wanted, so I'm afraid he's trying to impress the wrong person.

I invited him in for lunch and before I knew it, he and Aithne had hit it off very well. They spent a lot of time talking about this and that... I'm not sure what all, but they were at it for quite awhile. And even if I wasn't impressed by all his talk, it was pretty easy to see that Aithne was. He asked her out for the evening, so I took care of Jodene that night while they headed into the city. Honestly, I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Ricky's a nice guy and would undoubtedly provide well for Aithne, but... well, maybe I'm still just feeling weird about my little sister being involved with someone. Especially after the whole mess with Orlando.

Of course, Aithne put me in my place when I asked her about it the next morning. "You're getting way ahead of things, Tri!" she said. "It was just one date! I don't even know if we're going to see each other again or not. Don't start worrying already!"

Cripes... she's absolutely right. Have I really become that much of a worrier?

Well, okay. Maybe things are under control now as far as Aithne is concerned, but I still had every right to worry when it came to Saionji and the stress he was under. It was getting more and more difficult for him to cope with work and the debt, which was only getting worse as time went on and Mina's assests remained locked out of reach. Though he was insisting on putting Kiritan through college, the prospect of how much that would cost, on top of everything else, was daunting.

I had every intention of going over to talk to him, figuring that he was too closed to bring the subject up himself, but actually.... he ended up surprising me. One evening, after he'd come home from a particularly bad day at work, he gave me a call. All he said was "Can you come over?", but I knew just from the sound of his voice that he was reaching a breaking point, so of course, I was across the street as fast as I could be.

Of course, hugging him was the first thing I did, and I could tell that he desperately needed that hug, just from how tense his body was. And then I urged him to talk. "C'mon," I said. "You once had to remind me about what Dad used to say about the importance of communication, so now I'm reminding you. Talk to me. Let me help you. Please."

After all this time... after so many years of being stubborn and closed off about his situation... he was finally ready.

Of course, the finances were a big part of all of his stress. I told him that they didn't have to be, I could help him. I wanted to help him! I could put Kiritan through college, and when Saionji tried to protest that, I had to remind him that Kir was my brother too. It was my right to pay for his education if I wanted to.

As far as the debt went, I was more then ready to help with that as well, not only financially, but in clearing Mina's name in that whole trumped-up scandel. I was still researching it and coming closer all the time to the day when I would be able to walk into the Sim City courthouse and make my case for her innocence in any wrong-doing. In the meantime, I demanded to be allowed to help Saionji with the expenses. "If Dad hadn't of died and I had moved in with you, I would be taking care of it all anyway, so what's the difference?" I asked when he looked like he was going to argue.

Well... the difference was exactly that. I -hadn't- moved in. In spite of our relationship and engagement, Saionji still saw himself as being on his own. And, of course, that was the bulk of the rest of his stress. I held him as he talked... he understood that I had to take care of Aithne and Jodene. He expected no less from a man of honor like myself. But he admitted to being selfish in his wish that I didn't have to. "I want you with me," he said quietly. "I'm tired of sharing... I'm tired of waiting.... I'm just... just tired...."

It broke my heart to hear him saying that... and to know that in my deepest soul I was feeling the same way. It wasn't fair that we couldn't be together. It wasn't fair that our happiness had been put on hold for so long. All I could do was make more promises of "soon". And I urged him to let go of his pride, let me help him... and I tried to coax a promise out of him as well... that he would return to doing his artwork. All he said was "...maybe...."

I spent the night over there and in the middle of all of our serious discussion about everything... our future, our promises, everything.... he told me about Kiritan and Marsha. Apparently, our little brother had been moving forward in his own relationship. He had her over for his famous bologna sandwiches one evening, so that he and she could inform Saionji of their intentions.

They wanted to get married as soon as Kiritan was out of college, and they were hoping for Saionji's blessing. Sai said it was a bit of a surprise to be suddenly confronted with the idea of his little brother getting married. But, "Kir's always been the type to know what he wants, and to not dally around in getting it," Saionji told me. And I agreed that was very true. It's nice to know that at least one of our younger siblings has his head on straight.

Saionji gave them his blessing, though not without some reservations. "They're so young. How can they know what they're going to want in four years, once he's out of college?"

I had to laugh. "Saionji! I was the same age when I decided I wanted to be with you forever. What makes you think that they're too young to know what they want? They're not like Aithne was."

I was pleased to see Saionji actually smile a bit once he thought about it. "You're right. I guess I'm getting too old to remember what it was like to be a teenager."

Unfortunately.... that statement from him gave me some pause.... Saionji was older than me and it occured to me then, for the first time, that he would be having his birthday.... probably before Kiritan graduated college....

I put the thought aside, though. That's not something I want to think about! Instead, I listened and laughed as Saionji told me about how, that evening after getting his blessing, Kiritan and Marsha had gone out into the backyard and shared their first kiss by the swingset. "I know I shouldn't have been watching through the kitchen window, but I couldn't help it," Saionji said. "It was really sweet to see. And...." he trailed off then, looking very sad.

I hugged him again, holding him as tightly as I was capable of. "I know, Sai. It just made everything seem all that more unfair for us, didn't it?" When he nodded, all I could do was make my promises all over again. Soon. And in my heart I privately prayed that I wouldn't have to break that promise. And I hated myself for the resentment I felt... resentment I have sworn that I would not feel...

Hmm.... Ricky came by again this afternoon. This was a little surprising. I hadn't heard from him since the night of he and Aithne's date, and it's a long way to come in from Sim City just to pay a visit. This was looking like it was more serious than Aithne had indicated... at least on Ricky's part. They wanted to go out again that evening, but I had made plans to spend some much needed time with Saionji....

So, Aithne called Kiritan instead, and he was more than happy to come over and sit for Jodene while Aithne went out with Ricky for the evening. I'm so glad that all their disagreements are in the past, and I was touched by what what Kiritan told me when I headed across the street that night. "I like spending time with Jodene, but the main reason why I agreed to babysit tonight was because I want you and Saionji to have time alone. You guys need it."

Did we ever!

It wasn't too long after that when Saionji phoned me to tell me about a brand new curveball the universe was throwing at us. Answering his doorbell one night, he was surprised to find Orlando on his doorstep! No one had seen or heard form him since long before Jodene was born, and though Saionji and Orlando had been aquaintances long ago, they were never really friends, so Saionji had to wonder why Orlando had showed up at his place.

I sure didn't like listening to what Saionji told me about the visit. When he asked why Orlando was there, Aithne's former boyfriend told him that he had wanted to go over and see Aithne, but he knew that I didn't like him and that Aithne probably hated him for rejecting her, so we undoubtedly wouldn't even let him in the house. Yeah, he's right on that count! I would have slammed the door in his face!

Saionji told me, "I was confused, though. I asked him why he wanted to go over and see Aithne in the first place and he told me.... Trisanu, he said he wanted to know about the baby. He hadn't heard anything about it... he didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl."

Curses. Of course I didn't have to guess what Saionji was going to say next. Feeling bad for Orlando, Sai of course invited him in to talk.

"I wasn't easy on him, Tri...." Saionji explained. "I told him what we all thought of him and the way he'd treated Aithne, though I also made it clear that Aithne took part of the blame for the whole mess herself. He said he understood and he didn't blame us at all for our opinion of him. 'I deserved it,' he said. And he also said he was sorry."

"So what?" I replied, not wanting to care about any of this. I especially did not want to hear that Orlando was sorry!

"Trisanu...." Saionji explained patiently. "His basic training is long over. He's seen combat, and its changed him. He said, facing death made him realize how important strong relationships really are, and all he could think about now was seeing his child... getting to know him and being part of his life. I told him everything I could about Jodene, but he wants more. I really think you should let - - "

"No," I interrupted. I knew I was being unreasonable, but I couldn't help it. "No."

In fact, I put it all out of my mind. I did not want Orlando coming back into our lives, and I did not want to think about it! Maybe it was wrong, maybe I was just over-reacting... but things were finally starting to stabilize, and I did not want Orlando to cause a disruption.... so I didn't tell Aithne about his visit to Saionji's. We had more important things to think about anyway. Jodene's birthday was fast approaching, and we wanted it to be special. That morning, while Aithne baked a cake, Marsha came over and helped watch Jodene.

It was a small party, just family... though Aithne had invited Ricky as well. She was so proud, I could see it in her eyes. She was thrilled to see how her son was growing up, and feeling satisfied that she was being a good mother for him... I was feeling the same way. It really was quite wonderful to see how far she's come in such a short period of time. But it was for that very reason that I couldn't be entirely happy at the party... because I now I knew Orlando was out there and wanted to be a part of Jodene's life and I was afraid.... afraid that his return would ruin all the progress that Aithne had made.... And yes... selfishly, I was also afraid any disruption caused by this would push back the time when Saionji and I could be together as well....

Still... it was so nice to see Aithne bright and smiling. It was wonderful to experience some happy moments of family unity and togetherness.... even if I couldn't entirely enjoy it.

Jodene is oblivious to my worries, naturally. His only concern is that of being a toddler and at the party, all he wanted was to have fun and play. And that was how it should be, of course. I don't want him to be aware of any of the stress. I want him to only know love, just like Aithne and I knew from Dad as we were growing up. And just look! Jodene is a quite a kid! Now that he's older, he looks a lot like Aithne, though he definitely has his father's nose! Poor kid!

I should have known I couldn't keep Orlando's interest in his son from Aithne forever, but why... why did he have to pick the night of the party to show up?

Of course, this was a shock and a stress to Aithne. It was pretty obvious to her, just from our reactions on seeing Orlando, that both Saionji and I had known he was in town. In spite of the angry expression she gave us, I have to admit... she handled the situation well. She pulled him into the livingroom immediately so that they wouldn't disrupt everyone else while they talked. And naturally the first thing she wanted to know was... why was he here? Why had he come?

We were in the other room, so naturally we don't know the particulars of the conversation, but Aithne later talked to Marsha about it and she filled in some of the details for us. Orlando told Aithne exactly what he'd told Saionji, that he now knew the importance of relationships and especially family, that he was sorry, and that he wanted to be part of Jodene's life. He especially wanted to offer any financial support he could, to do his part as a father.

I'm not sure how Aithne reacted to that, but I know that she also questioned how Orlando was going to view his relationship with her. It couldn't be the same as it had been, she didn't trust him anymore. Orlando admitted that truthfully.... he didn't feel any sort of love for her. Just caring, and he didn't expect her trust. All he was hoping for was a friendship with her so that they could get along enough to be good parents for their child.

That was apparently good enough for Aithne, at least for the time being. I know that she's thought about Orlando alot since Jodene was born, and I've suspected that she even still thought she loved him. But I was relieved to see that she wasn't going to let herself fall back into that mire just because Orlando came around and gave her a few nice words about wanting to be a good father. She simply agreed to being friends so that Jodene would be able to have his father in his life.

And then she brought Orlando in to meet his son for the first time....

In the meantime, Saionji had been keeping my attention away from what was going on between Orlando and Aithne in the other room. Once they were done talking, however, I fully intended to have my say. While I can admit that it's probably for the best that Jodene knows his father, I wanted to make it perfectly clear to Orlando that I was not going to put up with any nonesense from him.

No... I've never really been one to hold back when I was angry, and I was especially angry that evening. I told him exactly what I thought of him and what he'd done to my sister, and I informed him that if he expected to be a part of Jodene's life, he was going to have to follow my rules and stipulations on visitation, and that I was going to be keeping a very close eye on him at all times. It wasn't difficult to see that he rather resented most of what I had to say, but to his credit he agreed with it all and promised to do his best to get in my good graces again.

He did explain to me exactly what he'd told both Saionji and Aithne, how he knew it was important to maintain close relationships... especially when things could change so quickly and one never knew when the opportunity to bond would be taken away.

I calmed down then. I've learned to read people pretty good over my years spent in a court room, and I could see that he was serious about what he said. The conversation actually evolved into a political one... I was well aware of the nature of the combat he'd seen and I did not agree with the reasons for it. It was one of the things I was working against as a politician. I wasn't entirely sure of how it happened, but we ended up discussing foreign and military policy... and finding ourselves on the same sides of the debate.

While we talked, Saionji kept Jodene company, calming him. He'd been distressed by the angry words that Orlando and I had been exchanging, and was relieved that we had apparently stopped arguing, but he was still sensing the distrust and anxitey around us both. I was glad that Saionji was there.... honestly, I wasn't entirely aware of it, but Sai was present throughout my entire conversation with Orlando, staying close by in case I needed him or - as he put it later - "in case I had to step in and get you two separated." Thank goodness it hadn't come to that!

The entire time I was outside with Orlando, Aithne was inside, talking with Marsha and trying to get a handle on her own feelings. While she agreed that it was best for Orlando to be part of Jodene's life, she admitted that it was very hard to have to see him again. She'd loved him so much and felt so devestated and hurt by his rejection.... though she had agreed to try and cultivate a friendship with him, she knew it was going to be difficult.

When the discussion between myself and Orlando waned, she finally came out to talk to him again. She told him that they would have to take things slow between them, that friendship couldn't come immediately. I was proud of how mature she was.

When Orlando left that evening, I don't think he was entirely satisfied with our reaction to his arrival, but he was at least glad that he had been able to see his son. And he admitted to Saionji on the way out the door that was all he had hoped for. Acceptance and trust would have to evolve on its own in time.

Naturally I ended up talking to Saionji about this afterward, even if I really didn't want to. He pressed me into it, asking if I truly understood Orlando's position. Of course I did. I knew how important family and closeness was, and I was glad to see that Orlando had realized that as well. I just didn't want to admit that I understood, and Saionji sensed that. He simply reminded me to try to be open. "He's not expecting trust, Trisanu... just a chance."

I know... I know.... and after seeing the horrors of combat, he probably deserves that chance. I promised to do my best to give him that.

Time has continued to slip away, as it does... with no way to halt it. Sometimes I wish I could though.... especially in those moments when I catch Aithne and Jodene spending time together. They're so close... he's her whole world. It's a special relationship. There are times when I feel understandably impatient, because I am so looking forward to the day when he's old enough for her to be able to go out and get a job and support herself... I want to be with Saionji so much! But... then there are the moments like this that I wish I could freeze....

Orlando's over as much as he can be. At first I was pretty rigid about when he could visit, but sometimes when he's here he looks so tired... I feel bad for him. He doesn't get leave very often, and I started to think it wasn't right that I sometimes denied him the chance to come over and see Jodene even when he could get the time. I think maybe he needs his moments with Jodene, to keep himself motivated and positive. Being a soldier isn't a very cheerful business, after all. So, once I realized that, I told him that he could come around whenever he had leave, instead of having to call ahead of time and okay it with me first. He told me that he really appreciated that.

And... as much as I hate to admit it... he is a good father. He dotes on Jodene, but is lovingly firm with him as well. And Jodene loves him. He'll come running to be picked up as soon as Orlando walks through the door.

He and Aithne aways try to spend some time during his visits talking things out. Stubborn as always, she's not cutting him nearly the slack that I am, which in a way is good.... I'm still not sure how much trust he deserves... but I'm a little surprised by her attitude as well. Proud, but surprised. I am so glad she's not just jumping back into things with him, trying to get him to love her. He's told me that he doesn't. He only wants to be friends. "When we were in school, she was sweet and I liked her... as a friend. I was foolish to get into a deeper relationship with her, it was wrong for both of us... but I wish now we could go back to being friends like we were at first."

When he's on leave, he has dinner with us a lot, since Aithne's excellent cooking defintely beats anything he'd get on base. He's told us a bit more about himself over meals, how his father was also in the military and they moved around a lot when he was a kid, so he never really had any friends until they moved into Little Hope and settled. He admits that even his family isn't very close. Saionji commented to me one evening, when he was spending the night, that Orlando seemed like a very lonely person. I didn't want to agree with him, but the more I get to know Orlando, the more I think Saionji is right.... he is lonely. And that might very well be why he played around with so many girls in high school, to try and fill that loneliness.

Now he's got his son to fill that void, and it seems like that's the best thing for him. I haven't heard any talk from Tosha or Chloe about Orlando seeing anyone around town, so perhaps he's put his roving ways behind him. It's surprising... but it's not. I guess facing the nasty aspects of war really can change a person. I think that Orlando now understands what's important and truly fullfilling, and it's not endless strings of empty and meaningless one-nighters. It's his son. That's what's important.

I'm trying to deal with all this in the way that I imagine Dad would... with patience and understanding. It's hard... I never really had an excess of either of those traits, and I was so angry at Orlando for so long that I don't really want to accept and understand him. But I know... I know in my heart that Dad would. He'd tell me that - just like everyone else - Orlando deserves happiness, and he deserves to know and be with his son. It's so hard to wrap my heart around that one, even though I know it's true. Everyone does deserve that... and Orlando is no exception. I have to practice forgiveness.

Whether or not Aithne is also practicing forgiveness.... I don't know. She doesn't talk about Orlando much when he isn't there. She seems to be a lot more thoughtful than she used to be. She spends her time with Jodene, is still seeing Ricky on and off, and has been working hard at her art. She appears to enjoy it, though I can't say I've seen much in the way of improvement on any of the pieces she's done.... of course, I'm really no kind of judge of art! But... I almost suspect she might have an ulterior motive when it comes to art. Though she claims she'd still like to paint a portrait of Jodene someday, I don't know if she's really serious about it. What she is serious about, however, is talking to Saionji about it.

She's gone over several times to talk to him about technique and materials... anything she can. And, of course, he's always willing to discuss any aspects of art with her. I have a feeling that my little sister is not practicing art so much for herself anymore as she is trying to get Saionji interested in it again by asking him questions. Even though his stress has eased some since he allowed me to help him financially, he still hasn't gone back to his canvas and paints, and that's been worrying for everyone in the family. Painting was his passion, after all, it doesn't seem right that he should abandon it.

I wasn't sure if Aithne's attempts were doing any good until one day she came home after visiting Saionji with a very smug and satisfied expression on her face. "I think maybe I got through to him," she told me.

Turns out, she was right! After she left, Saionji finally set up a new canvas and pulled out his familiar old purple paints and let himself back into that private world that he'd abandoned.... it was exactly what he needed, to let himself speak through the patterns he puts down on the canvas.

He came over to tell me about it later in the evening, after several hours of straight painting, and when I hugged him I could feel the good it had done. He wasn't nearly as tense anymore, his body didn't have the stress and tightness to it. He'd found his outlet again at last!

And, it was probably just in time too, Saionji was going to need his outlet..... Kiritan's studies had paid off and he'd gotten a scholarship for college. With what I was going to give him to pay for tuition, he'd have more than enough to get into a decent university. It was time for him to take his next step in life. Unfortunately... that also meant leaving Saionji behind.

He had us all over for a family evening and excitedly talked about going and all that he hoped to accomplish there. It was good to spend some time relaxing together and being a family, but I admit it was kind of hard for me to think about my baby brother going off to face the world alone. I know it was hard on Saionji too.... and Marsha as well. Unfortunately, she had no interest in attending college, though Kiritan had been long urging her to try for a scholarship. She said she would be content to wait for him to return, though she would miss him very much.

They said their goodbyes the next morning, making plenty of promises about writing every day and staying in close touch. La Fiesta Tech is a considerable distance away, on the far side of Sim City, so visits were probably going to be few and far between. Still... I knew that if they were truly in love, distance wouldn't matter much and they'd be able to keep all those promises that they made.

When it came time for me to say goodbye... it was a lot more difficult than I'd imaged. I dunno... I was so happy for him and proud of him... but it was almost like having to watch a last little piece of Dad leave me.

But if it was hard for me... I could only imagine how many hundreds of times worse it was for Saionji. I saw it in his eyes as the taxi arrived to take Kiritan away. Saionji had been more than just an older brother for Kiritan... he'd been a parent as well. To see the child he'd raised from toddlerhood walk away from him... leaving home to start a new life.... it had to hurt. And to Saionji, who always felt like he was alone, losing that companionship was a punch in the heart.

I fully expected, and was not surprised at all, to have to hold Saionji after the taxi pulled away. And I did not fault him for crying. Not in the least. But... now it was even more important to me that Aithne get her life in motion. I could not leave Saionji alone. I hated the thought of him being in that house all by himself and drifting even further away from me. He needed me with him.

And as much as I love Aithne, as much as I love Jodene.... I need to be with Saionji as well. It's been too long, and our hearts have ached far too much. I can accept giving Orlando a chance at happiness. I can accept staying with Aithne until she's secure enough to find the same for herself and Jodene. But Saionji and I deserve happiness as well. And I feel..... I feel like time - which moves so fast and unnoticed - is starting to run out.....

Surprising enough... it wasn't too long after Kiritan left that Orlando came over, wanting to talk to me about almost that very subject. He challenged me to a game of pool, and as we were playing, he casually asked why I hadn't made things official with Saionji yet.

I explained that I really couldn't until Aithne was able to get a job and support herself and Jodene, and that's when Orlando dropped a bomb shell of a request on me. "I could move in here and take care of Aithne and Jo," he suggested. "I just got promoted, I'm able to live off base now, and I make a good living."

Of course, I was stunned enough by this that it pretty much ended the pool game! Orlando had been coming around for awhile now, and I was getting used to him, but to just turn everything over to him? I couldn't trust him that far yet. And there was the bigger concern. "You don't love Aithne!"

"No," he admitted. "But I respect her, and I do love Jodene. I'm a good father, Trisanu, you know that."

Yes, I could admit that was true.... Orlando -was- a good father. But as much as I wanted to be with Saionji, I wasn't ready to let go that easily, and I didn't like to think of my sister being in a loveless relationship. "Aithne won't go for it," I argued, figuring I knew my sister well enough to assume that she wouldn't. After all, she hadn't seemed to develop much trust for Orlando yet, and she was still seeing Ricky from time to time.

"Aithne was the one that suggested I talk to you about it," Orlando explained, stunning me once again. "I was figuring on just finding an apartment here in town, but she said I should move in and be close to Jodene, and that I could take the room in the basement."

Of course, you know the next thing I had to do was find Aithne and ask her what the heck she was thinking!

Anticipating this, she'd made dinner and asked Saionji over to join in the family discussion. "It just makes good sense, Tri..." she told me in a tone that said her mind was pretty much made up. "If he's here, he can be close to Jodene, and help take care of him. I'll be able to get a job and you won't have to worry about us anymore. You can move in with Saionji."

"But he doesn't love you! You don't love him!" I protested.

"This isn't about love! Trisanu, I'm not asking him to move in for me, or for any kind of relationship! I'm asking for Jodene so that he can have his father close. And I'm asking for your sake and Saionji's, so that you two can finally be together!" She sounded pretty fed up and angry with me. "You can't be responsible for me forever, it's time for you to start living your own life!"

Again... I was stunned. Looking across the table, I saw the guarded hope in Saionji's eyes and I felt miserable and cruel when I heard myself saying "Give me some time to think about it, okay?"

Things were a strained after that, between all of us. Saionji said he understood my reluctance, but I could tell he was disappointed and hurt that I hadn't jumped at the chance to finally be with him. Aithne took every opportunity to prod at me and try to get me to relent... and I wanted to. Heavens knows I did! But...in spite of all my dreams of being with Saionji... now... suddenly faced with the opportunity to give up my responsibility and make that dream a reality... I couldn't be sure it was the right thing to do! I felt like agreeing would mean essentially dumping my burdens onto someone else in favor of selfishness. Someone I didn't trust with those burdens!

But... then Jodene had his birthday. I was happy, of course, but as I looked at him and realized that he was now a child and growing up quickly.... I was stuck by how fast time was passing me by and once more I was reminded that Saionji was likely to have a birthday of his own... very soon... time was indeed running out....

I mean... look at him! He's so amazingly smart. He likes to write and play chess with his mother... which is a relief for me since I'm still no good at it! He's getting really great grades in school and is friendly and kind to everyone. He really is a great kid and I love him...

He reminds me so much of Dad sometimes.... and when I look at him I just know... I can almost hear my Dad's voice telling me what a fool I'm being. There's a perfectly good solution right in front of me... a solution where all considered parties are willing. Aithne is comfortable with the idea of Orlando moving into the basement, Orlando is looking forward to it and keeps promising Jodene that it'll be soon. And I can see every time I look into Saionji's eyes that he's desperately hoping that I'll agree... that I'll release my hold on the situation and let it fall to others.

I just... I'm just afraid that it's not the right move to make. This family is my responsibility! How can I abandon that? Especially to someone I don't entirely trust? But at the same time... I'm afraid of what might happen if I don't....

How much more distant can Saionji get? Ever since the night that I asked for more time to think, he's been further and further away from me. He doesn't come over as much and when he does he's quieter than usual. With each day that passes, the hurt in him grows more and more, I can feel it. I know he understands my reluctance, but I also know that he feels as if I'm chosing Aithne and Jodene over him, when that's not it at all!

It kills me to think of him being all alone, feeling like he does. I try to see him as much as I can, and one Saturday I suggested that we rent a car and drive over to La Fiesta to visit with Kiritan, just the two of us.

It was a very unpleasant trip, with a lot of uncomfortable silence between us. It was the first time in my life that I ever felt that way around Saionji...

It perked him up to see Kiritan again, and of course Kir was thrilled to see us, and have the chance to introduce us to all of his friends. There's a fellow named Destry that he especially wanted us to meet, who has become a very good friend to him. But it wasn't difficult at all for Kiritan to see that there was something very wrong. And in between conversation and playing pool with his friends, he pulled me aside to demand I tell him what was going on.

When I explained it all.... I should have expected his reaction, knowing how he is. First he looked very sad and then he immediately got angry! "You are being such an IDIOT!" he pretty much yelled at me. "Aithne's right, it is about dang time for you to live your own life! They're offering you the chance, so do it!"

I tried to explain that it wasn't that easy, that I wasn't sure if Aithne letting Orlando move in was the right thing to do, but Kiritan didn't want to hear any of it. After his initial outburst, he calmed down, but he was no less direct or brutal. "Would you just let it go, already? How's Aithne ever going to learn to make her own decisions if you won't get out of her life and let her? She's the parent now, not YOU! Her life and Jodene's life are her responsibility! Not yours! Yours is to Saionji and all the promises you've made to him over the years! Now, stop being a jerk!"

Leave it to my little brother to not mince words....

But he was right.... and on the way home with Saionji I was pretty quiet, thinking about what Kiritan had said. Aithne and Jodene's lives -were- Aithne's responsibility... I'd done all I could to take care of them and now it was time to think of myself and Saionji. When we got back, I stopped him before he could go home and apologized, then asked him if he still wanted me, if he could forgive me for being so stupid.

He was very hurt, but much to my relief, his answer was yes. "Of course I still want you. You're all I ever wanted...." he told me tearfully. I hugged him and asked him to stay the night.

"Rest in my room," I said. "I'm going to go talk to Aithne..."

It happened that Orlando was over as well, which made it all that much easier to inform everyone of my decision. "I'm moving in with Saionji. Tomorrow," I told them abruptly. "He needs me, and we've been putting it off for too long."

"I'll say you have!" Aithne seemed very relieved and glad to hear me finally say what I'd been feeling for so long. "Don't worry about us, Trisanu. We'll do fine. You can still take care of us if you want, but now you have to do it from across the street!"

We laughed, and she hugged me. As I went to tell Saionji, I saw that she and Orlando hugged as well, and he said he'd move in the next day. It was strange to know that he would be living here... essentially in my place... I wanted to protest further, I wanted to lecture.... I wanted to still be a parent, I guess. But... I know that every parent has to let go sometime. Saionji was strong enough to let go of Kiritan. It was time for me to be strong enough to let go of Aithne so we could both live our own lives

Even as unsettled as I felt... it was kind of all made better when I joined Saionji in my room and told him I would be moving in the next day. Seeing his beautiful golden eyes light up... it lit up my heart as well.....

The next day... things seemed to move ridiculously fast. Faster then I was ready for them to move, I think... but at the same time, I felt like I couldn't get my things packed quick enough. Orlando was there early in the morning and by mid-afternoon Aithne had him set up in the corner of the basement. While she did that, he helped me move my things across the street.

Then, once I was finished and ready to go, Orlando took Jodene outside to play on the swings so that Aithne and I could have a few minutes alone. "You know," I had to tell her. "I once promised Dad that I would always take care of you."

"I know, but I doubt very much that Daddy ever meant for you to put your life on hold for me, Tri," she replied, and I knew she was right. "I know you don't think the situation is ideal... Orlando moving in here and all... but it's going to be alright. I know what I'm doing. It's time for you to start thinking about yourself and Saionji. You've both worked so hard to take care of me, Kiritan and Jodene. Now, look to your own happiness...."

Neither of us said much after that. But as I hugged her... I had to admire the strong woman she'd become and I knew she... and everyone else... was right. The responsibility for the family is hers now. I can't explain how that made me feel... glad and miserable at the same time... I'm the one who always took care of everything, giving that up and letting it go was so difficult!

And so was walking out of the house where I'd been born... where I'd lived my entire life. I'd be back to visit, but I'd never be living there again... knowing that hurt. But.... thinking that Saionji was waiting for me across the street... that I would finally be living with him, that what had been our dream for so many years was at last coming true.... that made me smile, and it lightened my heart enough that my steps were bouncy ones. Passing through the door... was like releasing a ton of weight that had been pressing me down for far too long.

Of course, there was no way that I could leave without a hug from my sweet nephew. He understood that I was leaving, and he was sad about it, but I think the excitement of having his father there sort of drowned out any unhappiness he felt regarding my departure. I was glad that he was smiling and laughing when I left.

I think I pretty much ran across the street, and Saionji was ready to meet me the moment I arrived. He breathlessly informed me that he'd already unpacked most of my things and spread them around the house. And then he did something I'd never imaged my quiet reserved golden-eyed lover doing...

...he jumped up into my arms, fairly attacking me with a hug! It felt so good! Dang! This was what I was meant for, I just know it, to be with this amazing man that I love so much! I could never have imagined the feeling of pure joy that I felt at that moment. I can't even describe it! I'm not even going to try!

But... of course the best part of it all was being together... being close... touching... and knowing that I could stay there. I belonged there now. I didn't have to leave in the morning to go back across the road. It doesn't ever have to end. He's in my arms now, and I am never NEVER going to give him up or let him go!

And it's amazing how completely at home I feel. You know, I've been coming over to this house regularly since I was a little kid... when I was a teenager growing up, we'd spend evenings here, and it always felt like a second home to me... or an extension of the house where I actually lived. Now... now it's different. It doesn't feel like a part of my oldhouse anymore, it feels more like it's just ours.

Saionji surprised me by setting up his old room as my work area.... all my law books are out on book shelves, the computer is set up in a bright warm spot by a sunny window, and he painted a large tapestry for me in his favorite purple colors - "So you won't forget me when you're working," he said - like that could ever happen! Haha! I completed the room by hanging up the painting my Dad had done of Saionji when he was a teenager, which Dad had given me so many years ago.

Those first few days together were amazingly wonderful. Even when I was away at the court house, I felt happy... especially because I knew that - since it's no longer necessary for him to work - Saionji was home painting and doing what he loves. And the nights together... well, I won't go into details, but... they were mind-blowingly awesome! Ha!

Then about a week after I moved in, I started finding Aithne there when I came home, usually involved in some lively conversation with Saionji... but they would always stop as soon as they saw me walk into the room. When I asked what was up, Aithne just smiled innocently and told me she was only over for a friendly visit. Saionji wouldn't fully meet my gaze, like he had a secret he was afraid I'd be able to see in his eyes.

Oh yeah. They were up to something....

It would be a few days before I found out what they were scheming, but I wasn't worried about it. I was happy enough that it didn't matter. Look at this... I love this picture! It's like... we were apart for so long that now we have to be near each other all the time. Even late at night, when I'm awake and working on the book... Saionji wants to be close. And it feels so good to have him close, to know that I could go over and watch him sleep if I wanted to... listen to his breathing... just drown in how beautiful he is...

A few days later, I came home to discover both Aithne and Kiritan were over. Seeing Kir was a major surprise, since La Fiesta is so far away. He said he'd just stopped by because he wanted to talk... I didn't really believe that was the entire reason... but actually he did have a lot on his mind that he wanted to discuss. Seems that things have been happening to him in college that he'd never anticipated...

His contact with Marsha had grown less and less frequent the longer he was away, not only because he was busy with his classes, but also because she wasn't replying even when he did find time to write or call. Concerned, he asked her to pay a visit and... come to find out, she was seeing someone else.

"I kind of figured that she was, just based on her e-mails and stuff," he told us. "Thing was, it didn't really hurt as much as it should have. I guess I grew apart from her too. And my friends made sure I was always busy and keeping my mind off it. Especially Destry."

I remember that we'd met Destry during our visit, but there was something in the way that Kiritan talked about him that alerted both Saionji and I to the fact that there was likely more to Kiritan's relationship with him than just being friends.

"You're right...." Kir nodded when Saionji asked. "We were both just curious, so we started... well, just experimenting, really. And the next thing we knew.... it was more serious than that..."

Well... surprise, surprise!

Kiritan told us a lot about Destry that evening... he seems like a pretty nice kid and it was obvious that Kir was quite taken with him. But he was also being smart about it. "We don't know if it's going to last, or if its just a college fling, but whatever it is... we've both decided to just enjoy it." Seems that's a pretty healthy attitude to have.

When he left, Kir gave me a wave and said "See ya tomorrow!" I frowned and wondered what he'd meant by that... wasn't he going back to campus that night?

"I think he's staying over at Aithne's tonight and going back in the morning," Saionji told me evasively. "Don't worry about it."

Ha! Yeah right. I'd known Kir hadn't just come by to talk. Something was definitely up!

The next morning, Saionji surprised me by being in a very unusual energetic mood. I was hardly finished making the bed and he was pulling me toward the door. "C'mon!" he urged me. "C'mon, you have to see!"

"Alright, alright!" I laughed, letting him tug me out of the room. "What's up? Does this have anything to do with the big secret you and Aithne have been plotting?"

"Yes!" he smiled at me, pulling me right out of the house and into the side yard...

And what I saw there stunned me! Somehow, during the night, they'd managed to set up an entire wedding, complete with an arch, tables, chairs, flowers... even trees! Everything was in bloom, done in purples and reds... it was amazing! I was absolutely speechless. That big fancy joining ceremony Aithne and Kiritan had always talked about... they'd finally done it!

Saionji was holding his breath waiting for me to react. Of course, there was only one thing I could do....

...I turned right around and accosted him with a hug and kiss so hard it almost knocked him over! I was laughing the entire time and feeling warm not only from the preparations... but from the happiness in his smile as well.

"How did you guys do all this? Where did all the plants and trees come from?!" I had to know. He told me that Orlando had friend who was a landscaper and they'd come in with everything in the middle of the night, placing it all according to Aithne's instructions. Guests would be arriving very shortly, it had all been planned out ahead of time and taken care of by my younger sister and brother.

So, then came the happy mad scrambling to be ready before everyone showed up!

It was an amazing day! I still get shivers of joy just thinking about it! Ha ha! All of our friends and family were there, and Aithne took charge of everything to make sure it all ran smoothly. I was touched to see her pay extra special attention to Saionji, toasting him and calling him her older brother....

Orlando toasted us as well... thanking us both for giving him a chance to be a part of Jodene's life and a part of the family. I never imagined he could be so eloquent... he really surprised me!

And come to find out, Kiritan had brought Destry along, and they'd both stayed over across the street at Aithne's for the night. It was pretty obvious that Destry was nervous... turns out he's a pretty shy kid... but he was pleased to be included in our big day, and it was nice to have the chance to get to know him a little better. He and Saionji hit it off especially well.

Destry also got along really well with Jodene, who would hardly leave the poor guy alone the minute he found out Destry was a guitar player. Jodene's questions wouldn't stop, he wanted to know all about it. I was impressed with how understanding and patient Destry was with all of Jodene's dozens of questions.

But... frankly I'm surprised any of these little details even registered with me. I was so excited and happy that a lot of the ceremony just seems like a joyful blur to me now. When the big moment came.... that's when all my attention focused down to one thing and one thing only...

Saionji. My beautiful golden-eyed lover.

... my ring on his finger....

... his ring on mine....

... and a kiss to make it official! At last... at long last... we are Trisanu and Saionji Legacy!

Was there ever a more perfect moment than this? I can't imagine how there could be...

Once the vows were said, it was time for us to thank the two sneaks who had put this all together! Kiritan and Saionji's hug was silent, but I could tell by how tightly Sai embraced his little brother that Kir would understand exactly what Saionji couldn't say out loud.

And in the meantime, I pounced on Aithne and tried to pretend to be mad for springing this on me, but she didn't believe me for a second. "After all this time, you deserved something special and amazing, Tri..." she told me, smiling in a way that made her very beautiful. "And I hope that we were able to give that to you."

"Of course you did...." I replied, and I wanted to say more. I wanted to be my usual verbose self and thank her and laugh and maybe joke a little... but I discovered that I couldn't say anything. It was all too overwhelming. She showed me that she understood by placing a sweet kiss on my cheek.

After that, we had quite the roof-raiser! Lots of food and more toasts, some dancing and a video game tournament in the house between Jodene, Orlando and Destry. But of course, everyone was eager to gather around while Saionji and I cut the cake together. Aithne had made it herself! It was amazingly delicious and everyone raved about it, which caused her a great deal of embarrassment.

Over and over again... Saionji and I were overcome with how happy we were and just had to express it....

It all wrapped up with a trip into Sim City that Aithne and Orlando had planned for us, with Ricky's help - dinner at a fine restaurant and a gorgeous suite in one of the high-rise luxury hotels! As we got into the limo and everyone called out their good byes and best wishes, my only regret was that it had taken so long for us to come to this, to reach this point of happiness....

But we had. At last we had! Through all these years and through every trial, Saionji and I had stuck together... we'd been there for each other.... It was a difficult journey, sometimes it was painful, but it was all worth it if only for this moment. This moment when I can look into Saionji's golden eyes and know that we are together now and nothing can change that.

So long ago, Dad told us how important it was to find one's happiness. At last, Saionji and I have found ours.

A few days later, I went across the street to talk to Jodene. We sat down together and I showed him this photo album, as well as the one Dad had kept before he died. For a couple hours we talked about all the things that had happened in this family before he was born, and he was fascinated by all of it. Then I gave him a new album, with blank pages so that he would be able to fill it with his own pictures and thoughts.

"It's your turn to keep track of the family," I told him.

When I left that evening... he was already getting started.