THE STORY SO FAR The Dinosorceror and his pals are on a quest to get all these "Segments" of the "Device," a device that...well, no one knows what it will do if it was ever assembled. It's probably an ultimate power thingy of some kind. Their main opposition is the Patriarch, who is also trying to get the Segments. In the last chapter, a "rogue" genie named Selsun gave three Segments, collectively known as the Trion, to Bill Clinton, President of the United States of Earth. The Trion can make any fictitious creation real, and Clinton used it to create perfect order on Earth, claiming himself as Emperor. He then used it to make the virtual computer entity on-board the Turdis, the dolphin Darwin, real, and Darwin died in a fiery crash that destroyed the Turdis as well. Emperor Clinton has given Dino a choice--join him or be destroyed. We now join our chapter, already in progress... SB046: The Powers That Be Dino's eye ridges furrowed. Here, Clinton was giving him the option of bringing Godzilla to life, turning the videotape on the ground between them into an immense source of yiffiness for him. "Oh, come on, Clinton," Dino scolded. "You really think I'm that stupid that I'd throw away all the shit I've been through just so I could get a cheap stomp?" "Actually, I do. And I insist, Dinosorceror. Your days of 'guarding the universe' are over. From what Selsun and the Patriarch have told me..." "Selsun? The Patriarch?!? They're behind this?" Jerhevon shouted. "Keep your stegosaur quiet, Dinosorceror. I don't want to have to hurt him. Now, as I was saying, the Patriarch has told me all about your exploits. How, slowly but surely, you've been gathering all the Segments of the Device for him. It's really pretty funny when I think about it." "You're full of it! Sure, the Patriarch has been there at every goddamn turn whenever we get some segments, but we still have more than he does," Dino retorted. Clinton tilted his head. "Well, that's not really true anymore, is it? Look around you. There are millions of armed policemen around you. This planet is mine, as the Patriarch has decreed. All I have to do is give him all of these Segments." Dino sighed. "You know, he's right, guys. Boy, we really are screwed this time," he said softly to Red, Jerhevon, Orelious, and the others standing behind him. "Alright, Clinton. If we hand over these Segments, what guarantee do we have you won't destroy us?" Actually, Dino was just trying to keep Clinton gabbing long enough to figure a way out. Clinton laughed heartily, tossing his regal imperial robe over his shoulder. "Now why would we disable the most effective tool the Patriarch has for collecting Segments? Just hand them over, and you can go on your way." "In _what?_" Benjamin spat, holding Livingstone in his arms. "The Turdis just blew itself to kingdom come." The Emperor of the Earth shrugged. "That's not my problem." "No...it's mine." They all turned to see a rather enraged blue dragon standing to their collective side. "Holy shit! It's--" Dino began. "Loophole. Remember ME, Dinosorceror? The one who entrusted you with powers and responsibilities and stuff? Christ, you really screwed everything up. Haven't you even figured out who you are yet?" Dino, in no position to argue with a being of such omnipotence, meekly hooted, "Well, I guess not." Clinton stuttered a bit, aghast, as Loophole continued. "You were given the Lens by another Dinosorceror, were you not?" Loophole didn't give anyone a chance to reply. "You were meant to take his place. You were to guard the Lens, and keep it from evil hands." "Well, I tried!" Dino whimpered a bit. "I mean, sure...I lost my Lens, but I've got this other one, and some other fiddly Device Segments..." Loophole rolled his eyes in their sockets. "Well...it's true, you do get extra points for caretaking the responsibilities of other Dinosorcerors, but you blew your own primary responsibility." "Other...wait. I thought there was only one Dinosorceror at any given time, Loophole. I thought I was the last hope of all sentient life in the universe and all that heavy stuff." Loophole shook his head calmly. "I just told you that in the HOPES that you'd take it a little more seriously. You think one person can be entrusted with the universe?" "I do," another voice said, from the other side of everyone assembled. "And I am that person." The Patriarch slowly approached the group, Sa trailing not far behind. "Oh, great," Dino mumbled to himself, and noticed that Clinton was slowly backing away from everyone. Stuck in a sticky situation, Dino didn't have time or energy to deal with him. "I also think that you should give up your foolish dream of this mythical peace you seek, Loophole. The only peace that can be achieved is through strong leadership," the Patriarch said proudly and firmly. "Okay, twit boy...you wait your turn," Dino sneered to the Patriarch. "I'm about to find out some important stuff here. Put a sock in it." Loophole chuckled at the Patriarch's visible expression of fury. "Yes, Dino. It's true, you're not alone. Well, truth be told, you're nearly alone now. You see, the Patriarch has indeed been manipulating you. You know all the segments you acquired? They were each guarded by their own Dinosorceror, which the Patriarch had managed to systematically dispatch shortly before your contact with each. He sees you as the least threatening Dinosorceror of the Order, and he's using you to collect as many Segments as he can." Dino thought for a moment, blinking a few times. "Well, CUT IT OUT!" Loophole scolded the cringing Dino. "Wake up for heaven's sake! I can't be everywhere at once..." Loophole saw the Patriarch's eye ridges raise. "...er, I mean, I'm too busy to attend to all these fiddly bits! That's why there's the Order of Dinosorcerors! You guys are supposed to keep these Segments safe! Geesh." Dino squinted a bit, gazing over in Clinton's direction again. He saw that he was already making a quick retreat with his hordes of policemen and obviously holing up in the White House. "You can't keep up you guard forever, Loophole," the Patriarch sneered. "You can't play your little Order game forever. Eventually, MY order will be the ONLY order." "Oh, and just for your information, Dino," Loophole said obviously to the Dinosorceror although his gazed was fixed on the Patriarch, "the self-proclaimed Patriarch here used to be one of the Dinosorcerors of the Order. He started to get delusions of grandeur when he got the--" "THAT'S none of his concern, Loophole! I suggest you make a strategic withdrawal here whilst you can," the Patriarch shouted. "Oh, please. You really do get quite delusional sometimes," Loophole chuckled a bit, extending a blue taloned clawhand which held the three Segments of the Trion. "It's time for more redistributing and restructuring, methinks." Instantly, Dino noticed that the Segments he had arranged so carefully on the necklace around his neck had vanished...all except for the Dark Lens. "Oh, what...punish me, too?" Dino whined. Loophole gave Dino a flatmuzzled look. "No, if I wanted to do that, I'd take your Lens away. And yes, that is YOUR Lens now. Try not to lose it doing something stupid this time, okay?" Loophole blinked and the Dark Lens disappeared from Dino's neck. "Hey! Wait, I thought you said..." "Oh, relax. I just thought you'd find it easier to use...and less likely to LOSE...if you had it on a ring rather than on a necklace," Loophole sighed. Dino looked at his right clawhand and sighed a sigh of relief. The Patriarch just stood there on the edge of the group, as if patiently waiting. "So...you're kind of...resetting stuff?" Dino asked. "Boy, you are bright, aren't you?" Loophole smiled. "Yes, I'm going to find new Dinosorcerors to guard all these Segments. Or is that Dinosorcerii?" Loophole sighed. "Anyway, I can't keep doing this for you, Dino. You've got to learn a little sooner when you're being manipulated. I can't keep bailing you out like this." "Well, this is hardly a bail-out, is it?" Jerhevon asked politely. "I mean, you just took away most of the power we had. And we have no vessel, no...no anything." Loophole fiddled with the Trion crystals, making them rub and spark against each other. "Okay, okay. Lemme use these crystals to give you guys some more stuff." With no flash of light or sound, a Klingon Bird of Prey from the original Star Trek series materialized on the ground. "There. I hope you're happy, because I never was very personally good at controlling the Trion crystals. You could wind up with a cartoon baby carriage if I tried again," Loophole explained. Still, the Patriarch stood, as if waiting for something. "Well, that's not bad, I guess. But what about Darwin? You had him programmed to be a link to you, I think, in retrospect...he told us about where the Segments were, and...hey, wait..." Jerhevon pondered. "Yes, that's right, Jerhevon. Darwin was actually controlled by the Patriarch. That program was inserted after I gave the Dinosorceror the...well, Turdis. Of course, it wasn't supposed to look like a port-a-potty, I hope you understand..." Loophole began. "Yeah, yeah...we know the story," Red spoke up. "But wouldn't that be a good idea? For us to have someone who knew for real when Segments were threatened?" The Patriarch sighed, rolling his eyes, and looked at Sa. "That is a good idea. Well, let's see what happens if I try using this Trion thing one more time..." Loophole said, grasping the crystals. Again, without any special effects, a nine foot tall creature appeared before them. It appeared to be some kind of cross between a humanoid and a dolphin. It's skin was a bluish grey, and his hands and feet ended in stubby white-taloned claws. It wore only functional clothing, straps and belts that held electronic gear and...ports. Looking into the crimson eyes of the creature, one could tell it was robotic by the lenses, apertures, and twinkles within. "I am Watson," the creature said in a very very stern, very very down-to-business voice. "I am a direct link to other Dinosorcerors around the universe. I am also capable of navigating the Apotheosis." Without so much as a further, more personal introduction, Watson walked up the gangplank into the Klingon Bird of Prey. Dino raised his eyes. "Well...hey, I'm liking this reset. That's a real funky name for a ship, though," he said to himself, then glanced at the Patriarch. "Say, how 'come you're taking this so well, fruitcake? Gee, if I were you, I'd be all fuming and mad at what Loophole is doing." The Patriarch only glanced momentarily at the Dinosorceror, as if that was dignifying the reply enough. He then muttered something to Sa over his shoulder. "So go on, get outta here, you crazy kids! I'll go find new guardians for these Segments, and Watson there will keep you informed if there's anything funny going on in the balance of the universe," Loophole stated, almost nervously. Dino stood puzzled for a moment, then motioned for everyone to board the Apotheosis. His gaze met Loophole's, and...something passed between them. Dino looked at the Patriarch, whose gaze finally met his...and the Patriarch smiled. "Come on, guys...get on board now," Dino urged them gently. The inside of the Apotheosis was appropriately dark and dingy, with reddish light here and there. As the "Dino Crew" filtered in, they saw that Watson was sitting in the ship commander's seat. "I take it there's no room for debate as to who should be the cap-ee-tahn?" Red said to Watson, jokingly. Watson's bottle-nosed muzzle quickly pointed to Red. With emotionless eyes, he said, "I doubt you want to challenge my position." Dino pushed Red aside slightly as he made his way onto the bridge. "Come on...er, Watson. Get us the hell out of here, fast." Watson nodded quickly at Dino, then pressed some controls. "Is something wrong, Dino?" Orelious' goat head asked. "What's going on out there?" "Let's just say...the Patriarch won't be happy." With those words, the warp drives on the Apotheosis engaged. - - - "So...I see you brought the Scepter with you. How clever of you," Loophole said, his voice wavering a bit. "Why, yes, I did as a matter of fact, you aging fool. I always knew your sympathy would be your undoing. You never will accept that sympathy and compassion will never bring order to the universe," the Patriarch said in a disappointed voice. "Well, it doesn't matter much now, does it? Just finish me off as you surely plan to do." The Patriarch didn't hesitate to grab the energized Scepter from Sa. "Just as soon as you put down the Segments," he said, trembling to hold back the power the Scepter was ready to unleash. Loophole swallowed, and chuckled. "I can't do that." Before the Patriarch could say anything, Loophole clasped the Trion crystals to the remaining Segments he held in his other clawpalm. In a whimpering fizzle, the Trion crystals dissolved the Segments and themselves at the same time. The Patriarch was stunned. His anger was too confused for him to roar in satisfaction as he unleashed the power of the Scepter upon Loophole. Instead, he gave a disgusted grunt as Loophole was disembodied and reduced to a puddle of gore over the course of a few seconds. The Patriarch tossed the Scepter to the ground, and Sa quickly skittered over to retrieve it. "I can't believe he pulled that noble self-sacrifice shit on me. I can't _believe_ it. By the universe, he was foolish." Finally, the Patriarch's rage caught up with him. "HE DID THAT ON PURPOSE JUST TO DELAY MY NEW ORDER BY A FEW MEASLY YEARS!" he shouted, storming off. Sa delicately retrieved the Scepter and caught up with the Patriarch as they returned to his royal shuttle craft. "But what is to become of this Bill Clinton and the Earth?" she asked politely. The Patriarch waved his hand to his side. "It's immaterial now. Burn it." - - - "All right, Dino...you've been silent for half an hour now. Where are we going?" Dino sighed, slumping into his chair. "Well, we can't go back. That's all I know. Loophole just wiped out the Segments he took from us so that the Patriarch could never get them," he sighed. "And, if what Loophole guessed is right, the Earth is probably destroyed now, just as a childish display of anger on the Patriarch's part." "Wait," Benjamin interrupted. "When did we miss this?" "Oh, when I glanced at him, he told me psychically that the Patriarch had this Scepter that was more powerful than himself, and that was he was about to use it on him. And he said he couldn't let the Patriarch get the Segments, so he...well, he had to sacrifice himself. Apparently, the Order of the Dinosorcerors lacks a focal point now. He may have given us Watson to act as a guide, but...this is it, guys. We have the Dark Lens, and we have a duty to help the other remaining Dinosorcerors of the universe...however many there may be left alive...keep these Segments out of the Patriarch's hands." Everyone was silent for almost a minute, except for the creaking of the latex covering on Watson's joints as he manipulated controls, until Red observed, "Man, I'm gonna really need that popcorn now."