X-POP3-Rcpt: parasaur@bigbyte From: Dinosorceror Subject: SB045: Post Post-Apocalyptic Dino Date: Sun, 02 Mar 1997 15:46:49 -0900 BestServHost: lists.best.com Sender: herpetophile-errors@lists.best.com Errors-To: herpetophile-errors@lists.best.com Reply-To: herpetophile@lists.best.com To: herpetophile@lists.best.com SB045: Post Post-Apocalyptic Dino The Lens War had been going on for seven whole years now. Dino found himself holed up inside a tomato soup can that had been his base of operations for the past two days. It was hard to say how big the can actually was...most things on the face of the Earth, including him, were not their proper size. Since the Lens technology from the one, most important Segment of the now shattered Device had been replicated, the entire planet had been turned into a ludicrous hodgepodge as each of the seven factions fought for supremacy. Dino pondered how the discovery could have been used for so many good purposes, but it was ultimately used for what people were always doing...conquering. As the dawn broke, he used his own, original Lens to increase his size enough to navigate the landscape before him...a size junkyard of items and animals of every description. He had almost made it to his target, a 286 CPU case on the horizon, when he saw a shadow around him and looked up to see... * * * Dino woke up in a cold sweat. "Another parenthood dream?" Jerhevon asked with mild interest, sitting in the booth across for him at the on-board McDonald's. Dino swallowed roughly, feeling that yicky feeling that you get when you've slept for an hour sitting upright in your clothes. "Christ...no, it was one of those holocaust dreams." "They're always fun," Red added, puckering on a black & white milkshake. "Well, not to me. I am...I'm just so sick of this whole goddamn business. I mean..." Dino paused, looked around and saw that those who hadn't been sitting in the McDonald's at the time had slowly filed in through the entrance as they walked by. They often wanted to hear when Dino ranted about his glorious destiny, or about how disgusted he was with everything, or how he hadn't gotten stepped on lately. They would never admit to it; but the members of the so-called "Dino Crew," as much as they despised their duties, would faithfully follow this anti-hero quite a ways. Noticing the impromptu meeting he had inadvertently called, Dino brushed the McNugget crumbs off his tunic. "No...this time, I mean it, guys," he said with a touch of venom. "This shit is done with. I'm through fucking around." Benjamin blinked. "Meeting. In the...the meeting room! You know where. In half an hour." Without looking anyone in the eye, Dino squirmed his way out of the packed McDonald's. "Thank you, come again!" the cashier said. ** *** ** "You think the little squishable's finally had his brain stomped flat?" Red asked. Jerhevon shrugged. "Oh, who knows. He changes his mind more times than---" Matt noticed that the Dinosorceror had been standing in the doorway to the conference room for who knows how long, and quickly made the knowledge public domain. Dino was wearing his usual (and now quite worn) brown tunic. Without expression or word, he walked over to his seat in the now deathly quiet conference room. "We have fourteen Segments of the Device. The Patriarch has eight. That broad Shampoo gave three more to someone just to piss me off." Dino's stern expression was broken momentarily as he calculated. "Wait...that adds up to twenty-five. I thought there were twenty-six," he asked. "That's funny...I thought there were twenty-seven," Stormfront added. Dino shook it off. "Well, whatever. We clearly have the most Segments of anyone. Now...does anyone know what that is called...Orelious?" Orelious blinked all over the place, not expecting this assumedly usual, boring conference to become an inquisition. The snake couldn't help but release a hissing laugh. "Gee, I...I don't know, Dino," the lioness answered. "It's called an _advantage,_" Dino retorted with a snap. "It means _we_ are the ones in control." There was a small spark that seemed to travel the room amongst the saurians. "It means _we_ can make the damned rules." A feeling of electricity tingled down their spines. "It means _we_ are gonna start kicking some serious ASS!" Dino shouted, and tore apart his tunic as he did so. Red covered his eyes, but the others saw a pretty damned snazzy uniform. As the brown tatters drifted to the floor and the conference table before him, Dino revealed a not quite skin-tight outfit. It was a dark blue, so dark it was almost black, and glistened like wet leather. Stretching from his left shoulder down to the hem just below his knees was a lighter blue stripe, starting at the width of his shoulder and shrinking to a point at the hem. Still in the form of a tunic, the new uniform lacked a belt, having some internal elastic to fasten it to Dino's waist. The uniform lacked any other markings, save for a stylized yellow 'D' over his right breast that looked like a serpent ready to strike. Around his neck dangled the Dark Lens along with a spot for his own Lens. Miniaturized spots on the necklace to either side held the other Segments of the Device he controlled. Nearly immediately, Red peeked and burst into laughter, his white form sprawling on the conference table. A few moments later, he looked over at the smirking Dino, and began laughing even louder, tears welling in his eyes. "Oh, I'm...I'm sorry, Dino!" Red pretented to apologize. "It's just that...well, there's no way a goofy turd like you can wear that and expect people to believe you're all that!" Dino looked around the room, and saw that everyone had pretty much the same sentiments in their eyes. "Oh, c'MON, guys! If we're going to pull shit off, you've got to at least PRETEND that we mean business, for Christ's sake!" he spat. Red sniffed a few times, giggled a few more times, then returned to his seat. "Sorry," he said more sincerely. "I'm serious, guys! Here we are dicking around like boobs, when powers beyond are imagination are toying with planets and countless lives! I think we were kind of lulled into a false sense of security with Cera. I mean, she was just about as incompetent as evil villains get. She was just destined to lose. But so are we if we don't start getting our acts together! The Patriarch is no slouch like Cera was. He's got X running around for him, not some goofy half-witted coelosaur." Barely taking a breath, Dino continued. "I can't say how I know, but I've got powers and respect that the Patriarch doesn't have, but boy...he sure as hell wants it bad. He wants to keep me under control. And every single Dinosorceror before me has known this, but has been powerless to do anything about it. The Device has always eluded them, thanks to the efforts of the Patriarch. It's been a sinister game to the Patriarch. But it also irritates the hell out of him that I even exist. I'm like some necessary evil to him." "Well, no longer. This time, I'm going to accomplish what my predecessors came out to do. Regardless of whether I win or lose, I'm going to make damned sure that the Patriarch never, EVER gets what he wants." Dino's last statement didn't sit well with the assembled, and sounded suspiciously like a suicide plan. "If anyone, for any reason wants out, let me know right now. 'Cause from here on in...we're going to get down and dirty." Everyone was quiet for exactly four seconds, when WolfWings stirred mechanically. "Yes, WolfWings?" Dino asked quickly. "No, I...I just want to know what 'dicking around like boobs' means. It just doesn't make any sense to me." ** * **** * ** "Gee...where have I seen this before, Sa?" the Patriarch chuckled lowly in his throne, watching the meeting on his viewglobe. "This indeed has to be the most predictable the Dinosorceror has been thus far, my Master," Sa replied, letting a small smile escape. "Now the Dinosorceror gets filled with purpose and independence and vigor. He will use up absolutely ever resource to first figure out what my true plans and goals are, and then have no resources left to do anything about it. It's so comical," the Patriarch chuckled. "Might I make an observation?" Sa asked, bowing her shimmering head. "You might." "What of the three Segments that the rogue Shampoo disseminated to that human?" The Patriarch took a deep breath, and sighed. "Might _I_ make an observation, Sa?" Sa trembled, folding over. "Why do you use the term 'rogue?'" The throne room was filled in moments with sinister laughter. ******* "God, hurry up, Jerhevon! If my eyes get any bigger, I'll be anime!" Dino shouted as the stegosaur grunted to lift the computer bank off of Dino's foot. "What happened?" Stormfront shouted over the sounds of electronics sparking and beams buckling. Dino shrieked as he was pulled free from the main console. "Aaaargh! Argh! Damn! It was...something just slammed into the Turdis!" Darwin swirled chaotically on the cracked display screen. Blood seemed to spew from his smooth flesh into the virtual pool he swam in. His chirping was troubled and erratic. By the time Dino's head cleared, everyone was in the remains of the control room. "What do you mean something smacked into the Turdis? We're in space above Earth!" WolfWings asked anyone who cared to answer. "Segment...it was a Segment!" Darwin chirped and gurgled. Dino's gaze immediately snapped to Darwin. "What?" "Someone down there has...the Trion!" Darwin said desperately. "What the hell is---" Dino began, but the viewscreen shattered, sprinkling glass and what appeared to be bloody, rubbery flesh throughout the control room. As the noise settled, Dino saw that he had a section of flipper stuck in a bloody splat on the front of his chest. "Oh, my God," he whispered. "Darwin was...a real dolphin?" Jerhevon said coldly and bluntly, "No." "What do you mean, 'no,' Jerhevon? You're covered in his blood!" Red bawled. "I'm telling you, Darwin was _not_ real! I worked on his circuitry regularly!" Suddenly, the entire Turdis rocked and shuddered. A beam came down from the ceiling, nearly crushing Livingstone. All eyes turned to Dino. All thoughts turned to Dino. All hopes turned to Dino. Saying it so softly that everyone was surprised they heard it, Dino said, "Abandon ship." After a pause and another fallen beam, Dino shouted, "Abandon ship! Jerhevon, take the manual controls and land us somewhere on Earth _now!_" Though his clawhands burned, Jerhevon grabbed the controls and managed to set the Turdis down...somewhere. He didn't know where. Meanwhile, the other denizens of the Turdis struggled down the one hallway that led to the exit. "Alright! We're down! We're down! Everyone out!" Jerhevon screamed as he pushed the rear of the pack. The port-a-potty Turdis smoked behind them, half submerged in the river. Luckily, the river Jerhevon landed them in wasn't deep. In fact, the water was quite still... Orelious was the last to make it to shore. "Where are we?" the goat asked. "Well, not like it matters, but we just landed in the reflecting pool in Washington," Dino replied, hesitant to wash Darwin's blood off of his chest. They looked around and noticed the gleaming white monuments reaching to the sky around them. Then they noticed the literal human wall of police that was closing in on them. Dinosorceror knew something was wrong immediately. He stood upon Orelious' shoulders, and saw that the entire city, as far as they eye could see, was filled with policemen. Upon closer examination, he saw that they all looked exactly the same. "Are you sure we're on the real Earth, Jerhevon?" Dino asked. "As far as I could tell from the controls in the---" The Turdis exploded, spraying water for hundreds of yards. "---Turdis, yes. This is Earth. And it looks like we're stuck here now," Jerhevon sighed as the policemen crowded closer. Dinosorceror swallowed his gumption, and decided to do something more than posturing. "All of you!" he shouted. "Stand back! I am the Dinosorceror! We mean you no harm, but we will defend ourselves if necessary!" "That...heh, that will not be necessary, Mister Dinosorceror," came a voice from the crowd. All of the Dino Crew's eyes focused on the grey-haired man. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Emperor Bill Clinton." Clinton was wearing a regally red robe, surrounded by his wall of policemen. "This is my empire you have stumbled upon, Dinosorceror. If you are wise, you will relinquish the Segments you have now, or else..." Dino watched with mild interest that turned to intense interest when Clinton pulled a videotape from his robe. He saw that the name was "Godzilla 1985." Clinton tossed it to the ground in the small open space between them. Clinton smirked a bit. "Shampoo was right about you. But now, thanks to the Trion crystals," he said, briefly giving them all a glimpse of the three green Segments he possessed, "I can make any figment of anyone's imagination a reality. The former United States of America now exists without crime, without poverty. Under my supreme, perfect control." Clinton noticed Dino's eyes gazing towards the videotape on the ground. "Would you like me to demonstrate the power of the Trion segments, Dinosorceror?" Clinton said with a chuckle and a sneer. Jerhevon, Stormfront...everyone looked at Dino, who had climbed down from Orelious' shoulders and slowly walked across the grass towards the videotape. "We could rule this planet together, Dinosorceror," Clinton said with a chuckle. "We could both have all we desire. What do you say?" Dino swallowed, and looked at the videotape. ================================================== <> The Dinosorceror of Lava Dome IV <> <> Furthest North Herpetomacrophile <> <> http://www.mosquitonet.com/~parasaur/dino.html <> ================================================== "*I* have antacid everywhere!" -- Jenn