Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; CHARSET=us-ascii Content-ID: Well, here it is folks... I honestly have to say it's not the greatest piece of work I've ever written. I started it a few weeks ago when I was in a seriously happy mood, and if I'd finished it then it would have turned out completely differently. Ah well. It's only the first SB entry of mine; perhaps if it's not too unfavourably received it may not be the last. I hope you enjoy it, anyway. -- _SeHT, the exhausted'ragon. *** Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; CHARSET=us-ascii Content-ID: Story Bored! CHAPTER 34 "... Quite a long way from Cairo!..." by Platinum Magister _SeHT Two weeks had done little to improve X's temper over Dino's crushing of the lens parts, and tensions aboard the TURDIS were becoming distinctly frayed. Much of the equipment in the self-contained gymnasium had suffered as a consequence of this, and it was rapidly becoming reminiscent of a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken, in that it was made up of a few scraps of useful material held together with prayers and hope. Or, as one unidentified member of the crew was heard to say, "Shit, spit, sweat and curses." Darwin made a tentative appearance on the main monitor in the control room. "Er, excuse me? I have a suggestion..." X glared at him. "What?" she growled. Darwin gulped. "How about a holiday?..." X continued to glare. If eyes were lasers, then Acer would have another repair job on their hands. "How about one?" Darwin's eyes flickered. "Just a suggestion. I mean, I'm only the control system of this thing, a highly-advanced AI system. So my logic circuits aren't up to scratch, sue me!" he growled back and disappeared. X turned her back on the monitor as the words "Your call has been placed in a queue. Please wait" floated out of the speaker system, supported by a phalanx of Muzak, Inc.'s very best offerings. The word "Females!" began to flash on the monitor behind her back. She whirled around suddenly, but it was gone. The muzak remained. X turned her back on the console and stalked out of the room, serenaded by the brain-deforming sounds and something that sounded suspiciously like a powerhouse raspberry issuing from the time rotor. * * * Elsewhere, strange happenings were afoot. Dino, nursing his injuries, had invited everybody with whom he was still on speaking terms to his room for a game of Monopoly. Whilst nobody really trusted anybody, they least trusted Orelious least of all, and sie was unanimously elected the banker. Dice rattled from paws, counters flashed around the board, and fake dollars fluttered around the room. Dino's eyes gleamed as he won his third game in a row. Orelious was not amused. ~I still thi-i-ink you're cheaaating,~ commented Orelious's caprine side. "Tough," commented Dino. "Because I'm not. Face it, you're just jealous." Before things could get nasty, a resounding flushing sound echoed through the cavernous halls of the structure. Jerhevon blinked. "Have we landed?" he asked. Dino shrugged. "I don't think so," he said. A door appeared in the middle of the wall that hadn't been noticed before. "But I suppose somebody has." * * * Another argument started. "DINO!" roared Jenn. "I thought you said this thing was impregnable in flight?" The parasaur shrugged timidly. "It is supposed to be..." "And that this was the only TURDIS in operation?" "It was..." "SO WHAT IS THAT DOOR DOING THERE?!" "Erm... not a lot," said Dino with a grin. Despite herself, X found herself smiling a little. "You know, Dino," she said, "one day you and I are going have to have to have a serious talk. But now, let's go and find out exactly what's landed in our bathroom." * * * "Listeners may be curious as to why Dino's quarters are in the bathroom. I would like to say at this point - that I don't know either. I just wanted you to know: you are not alone; Wallace is one of you!..." * * * It was with a faint heart and distinctly solid pancreas that Jerhevon pushed open the new door which had materialised in their bathroom. It wasn't so much the fact that the door was there, merely that it could prove very embarrassing, should one be caught on the hop. As the door slowly creaked open, it became clear that the contents were far from the same as their TURDIS. The walls were lined with books, books, and more books. The main console, instead of being shining white, with chromium handles and a chain labelled "Pull and Let Go", was instead fashioned of some brown wooden substance. An old song floated across the air inside, and seemed to be issuing from a horn-amplified turntable. A cup of tea was balanced on an elbow table, which stood next to a very elegantly- styled velvet chair. Dino was puzzled. "I'm puzzled as to where this came from," he said. "It flies through time and space but it looks nothing like ours. And for another thing, the chameleon circuit works." Orelious' leonine head snickered at that. *Yes,* it growled. *Let's look like a doorrr... not at all hard to find.* "Not bad camouflage, considering it appeared in the middle of a wall," commented X, who had strolled casually in. "I wonder who it belongs to." //You mean, you wonder to whom it belongs?// came a voice from above. "Who said that?" came the reply in chorus. //Me,// said the voice, whose owner vaulted down from the library and walked up to them. His scales glinted in the blue light from the time rotor, and his black eyes glittered with an inner light. "Who are you?" whispered Jerhevon. //No-one of consequence,// replied the figure, fussing with the controls, twisting levers this way and that. The console panel made some distinctly rude-sounding noises, and finally a loud belch echoed from somewhere overhead, causing the others to look up in concern. //Indigestion,// dead-panned the newcomer. X decided to take a stand. //Put it back, please,// said the dragon, walking around the back of the time rotor. //You don't know where it's been.// Startled, X did as she was told. "Who _are_ you?" she asked, baring fangs a little. The dragon was unfazed. //The Magister.// "Magister who?" //Just - the Magister. And, indeed, who are you, walking into my FARTIS unannounced?// Orelious' caprine self snickered. ~FAAAARTIS!~ sie giggled. The dragon's lips curled a touch. //Yes, FARTIS,// he said. //It stands for Flying Around Relatively Temporally In Space.// Dino and co. exchanged glances. Before the whole scene could degenerate into a trading hall ("Dino's glance! what am I bid for Dino's glance? Starting at ten dollars, thank you, twenty dollars, what am I bid?") the alarm bell rang in the TURDIS. The crew was about to run out and back to their home ship when the newcomer swung the doors shut on them. X growled. "Why did you do that?" she said. //It's faster to go this way. I know the layout of the old Type Farty TURDIS, it's a long way from the bathroom to the Control Room. That's why they were retired,// he said, flicking switches as the time rotor wheezed, groaned and belched into life. The blue lights slid suggestively against one another for a few seconds and then, with a sound like a ruler being twanged, it stopped. //Good,// said the dragon. //We're here.// He opened the doors and the crew piled out. "WHERE THE HELL IS THIS???!?!?" //Oooops...// A passing bird regarded them with scorn. "Waaak!" it said. "Waaaaaak! What are you all doing in the Cup? Waaaak!" By the time X had stormed back into the FARTIS, the Magister had already opened six of the main panels and had wires spewed everywhere. Messages flashed up on the monitor in succession: OUCH! followed by THAT TICKLES! and then OI! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE PUTTING THOSE PAWS! and finally OOOOHH, MATRON! "Is there anything I can do?" asked Dino, trying to avoid the clouds of smoke pouring from X's ears. //Yes; pass me that neutron gyroscope restabiliser,// came a muffled voice. The required object found and passed, the crew of the TURDIS waited patiently. The console exploded into a fountain of sparks, and a heart-rending groan shattered the air. The Magister wriggled out with a pleased expression on his face. //There!// he said. //All fixed.// X's talon was tapping the ground. "Can we get back now?" she said in a voice that was calm - but definitely venomous. //Oh yes,// nodded the dragon, smiling ingenuously and flicking buttons. And off they went with a lurch, with a shudder and a lurch, and a very disturbing groan. * * * Eventually, the FARTIS exterior door opened in on the control room. X stalked in (or out, depending on your point of view), followed by the others. She walked right up to the control screen. "Darwin, why did you sound red alert?" "I was bored..." In space, no-one can hear you scream... Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; CHARSET=us-ascii Content-ID: +-----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Was it a trick of his imagination, or did the bat-like wings cut | \ +-+ /--\ /--+ /--\ | | across the night sky, long tail drawn | | | ) | | | _. | | |\ | out behind like a kite's? With an | | +-+ +--+ | | | | | \| ineffable grace the creature landed on | / | \ | | \--/ \--/ | | a distant peak and perched, seeming as +---+ @ draghof.u-net.com if it had been there for all time... +-----------------------------------------------------------------------+