From: The Denim Warrior Date: 6/13/96 11:43PM Subject: [SB 30] Mission: Improbable, Part Deux Address: To: herpetophile@lists1.best.com I apologize for this story, but I was tired and grumpy when I wrote it. :) --- Orelious looked about hirself. Faced with an improbable mission. To clear the TURDIS of all coelesaurs within 24 hours before the ship's flippant dolphin AI, Darwin, blew a gasket and blew the TURDIS sky-high. And to make it worse, the room was sealed except for one vent. * Feh, this is a pickle * spoke the lioness. * Is there any way we can get the rest of the guys in here? * The goat shook hir head "No no, if I had designed this, and it appears that I did, then only our snake part could trigger it" as it checked the controls. Nothing doing much as the screen continued to just display the time left with a dolphin flipping through the numbers. ~ See, I have my practical uses too ~ gloated the serpent until two pairs of disgusted eyes looked at it. * Well, can we even send them a message? * "Trying to vary the holographic projectors now", replied the goat as it stabbed at a button, only to be greeted by a laughing dolphin which promptly spat out "I'm sorry Orelious, I'm afraid I can't do that" The goat responded by pounding the control as the lioness's ire began to grow. * Why the hell not? * Darwin, the dolphin AI, quirked an eye on the screen to the lioness "It is a known fact that coelesaurs grow orgiastic and reproduce *faster* under the influence of transmitted holographic projection waves. As I want every last one out of my system, I can't let you transmit it." * HOW ABOUT OPENING THE FRIGGEN DOOR SO WE CAN DEAL WITH THEM?!? * roared the irate lioness, resulting in another spat of colesaur deaths TURDISwide, but not enough. "I'm sorry Orelious, I'm afraid I can't do that" replied the dolphin, then quickly added "All would be lost if I let them in here. There is an alternate way, but..." * NO BUTS, LET US OUT TO HELP!!! * "Pull that lever," said the dolphin as a spotlight highlighted a plain aluminum fixture that remarkably resembled a toilet handle. Orelious promptly lunged for the lever and pulled it as the computer tried to warn them again, starting "But...". Too late. The floor of the room promptly irised open dropping the startled chimaera into the whirling pool of water beneath. With a snick, the iris closed over them, leaving the dolphin to remark, "But it leads directly into the sewars.. at least the coelesaurs can't swim" then managed a shrug before returning to leaping through the numbers of the countdown timer. --- Meanwhile, the rest were still at the TURDIS' entryway. Needing a break they discovered that Jerhevon had a tendency to thump his tail while laughing. So they stuffed him into the entryway backwards and sat around telling him jokes to keep him thumping and preventing the ever relentless coelesaurs from regaining any ground. So, Benjamin was scritching Livingstone and relating. "You want an example of how toned down Dragonheart was?" The others nodded "Sure", "Let's hear it." "It seems the story originally called for Bowen to find Draco's buried up Kara's skirt, and her moaning like crazy. When confronted by Bowen about this later, Draco simply replies 'Well, *YOU* said to eat her!'" Some groaned, even the jokes were getting tired. Some moaned at the imagery. Fortunately Jerhevon managed a slight chuckle and a half-hearted sweep to keep the coelesaurs back. How long could this go on? --- Back inside the TURDIS, a bedraggled Orelious pulled hirself up into an access way and had to heavilly shush the snake to be quiet and to quit gloating about having been their snorkel. (There hadn't been enough room in the sewers for any but the snake to breathe, so it had had to breathe for all of them) The lioness shook hirself * Ok, we're out of there, but what are we going to do about these annoying little turds? * The goat hmmed, considering, then brightened, looking to the lioness "Ah, I think you've just given me an idea!" *~ What? ~* the others asked. "Ah, I'm not sure yet, but this craft might not be called the TURDIS for nothing... we'll have to get up as high as possible to see though." * How do we get to that? * "This way, I think" and the goat took charge. --- The trio had been wandering the halls of the TURDIS for what felt like forever. Despite the hordes of coelesaurs about, the TURDIS was larger still, so encounters were few and far between, either easilly avoided or easilly dealt with. It seemed that not all of the coelesaur eggs had hatched, and those that didn't were rubber and bounced well. In fact, Orelious the lion had almost made it a game of richocheting the eggs off the ceiling and walls to take out groups of coelesaurs. Eventually they reached a ledge opening onto a wide expanse, in the middle of it rose a great tower, topped by a bulb that disappears into the clouds high above. The goat pointed to it "That, that is our target!" * Now how do we get past them? * asked the lioness, pointing to the writhing mass covering the ground about the tower. Beneath them, innumerable coelesaurs were intermixing wanton sex with egg laying and rudimentary child care. Quickly brooding ever more of them to overflow the TURDIS. Even the snake was disgusted. ~ Ewwww. ~ "Well, how about this?" said the goat as shi indicated a panel marked . * Alright! * cried the lion breaking it open, and promptly flustering at the item inside. The goat looked over the bazooka like item. "Ah, I think this is it.. stand by!" It shouldered the item, and pointed it towards the tower, aiming slightly down. Then fired. With a huff, the weapon fired a lazer-line backwards that rooted itself in the wall behind them. It was soon followed up by a prolonged line ahead of them, connecting to the tower. The line pulsed and shimmered into solidity. Finally the gun fell apart, leaving a pair of handles on a pulley. "All aboard, I guess" quipped the goat as they gripped the handles tightly, paused a moment to catch their collective breath. Then together they pushed themselves off the ledge and held on tightly as the world around them became a blur. But they didn't go unnoticed, and the coelesaurs began to cluster and ascend the tower. Orelious oofed into a horde of them into a stop that left a lot to be desired, but at least shi survived the landing and quickly began climbing up the tower. Which is more then can be said of the troops she plowed into. But still they came. As they climbed, the goat commented "Remind me to leave that there, ok?" The chimaera scurried upwards, staying just ahead of three clawed hands and dull minds. The snake teasing their pursuers. Finally they reached the top, and pushed away the ladder they had climbed. Beneath them the coelesaurs hopped madly, reaching and scraping up. * Ok, *huf* we finally made it... what's here? * The goat grinned, turning them towards a large column extending up into the bulk of the bulb above it. "That I do believe", indicating the golden toilet handle. "Let's run a test to see if this drains clockwise or counterclockwise." ~* Come again? *~ "Let's flush this joint!", and together they pulled the lever and held on for dear life. The tower shuddered as billons of gallons of blue water rushed out into the mass of coelesaurs below, and rapidly began to fill the area all about the tower. Just roaring and flooding, it caught the coelesaurs in tidal waves and viscious undertows, tossing them every which way as it flooded all the way up to almost Orelious's level. It paused a moment, gently bobbing and whirling, it's surface thick with the dead and dying. >From deep within the depths of the blue liquid a deep chugging was heard, and the waters began to churn again. At first jest twisting back and forth before it began to steadilly gain in noise and strength, rushing counterclockwise as a huge funnel of air opened beneath them. A lake sized whirlpool, flushing away all of the refuse. And churning the room clean before draining away. Orelious collapsed against the column, still clasping the lever. * I think.. I think we did it * --- Outside, they had just about given up and had stuck the sleeping Jerhevon back against the TURDIS door to hold it shut. Most of the others were napping too, except for X, who was silently keeping quard, her gun set for "Biting Bedbugs". She was immediately alert as the TURDIS rumbled and abruptly melted back into a port-a-potty. It rumbled deeply as X worked to rouse the others, and Jerhevon leaned against the door trying to fathom what was up. "Uh oh" he cried. "Every body scatter! Get out from int front of the TURDIS!" Drilled as they had been, everybody else jumped to it, just in time too as the door to the TURDIS burst open and erupted with a great flood of dead coelesaurs and filty blue water. The torrent went on for minutes, before slowly falling away to a mere trickle. A bedraggled Orelious eventually emerged from the TURDIS wearilly, but grinned brightly to announce "These pipes are clean!" --------------------+------------------------------------------------------- Jerhevon |"Oh I'm a Stegosaurus, and my friends all call me Pete" Stegosaur at large | - Brian Dullaghan, Dinosaur Songs brefin@cache.cow.net| http://cache.cow.net/~brefin/Sarthia/ --------------------+-------------------------------------------------------