From: Orelious Starseeker Date: 6/6/96 9:07PM Subject: YIFF! The Story Bored is baaaack... Address: To: herpetophile@lists1.best.com Okay...after a long, mostly-mono-induced laziness...I now... zzzzzz z zzzz zzzzzzz zzzzzz zzzz zzzzzzz zzzzzz..erf. Oh, excuse me, must have dozed off there...where was I...oh. Yes, here's the Story Bored, at last. In tribute to two friends...the dragons do live. Oh, and one editor's note: two people recognized it from the beginning. One was quite surprised. Story Bored... --------------------------------------- Um, What Was That Number Again? (Or: Mission: Independence DragonHeart Flipper...Flipper?) "This is getting boring, you know," X noted, as yet another coelesaur fell to the ground, her gun now set to "Yawn Central." "Well...we wouldn't have gotten into this problem if Dino-brains hadn't left the keys in the TURDIS..." Jerhevon grunted, laughing a massive HEEEER-YU-KEN at yet another coelesaur. And every time one fell, three more came...such that they had made all of 3 feet of progress into the TURDIS. A few feet away, Orelious yawned as well, the Goat still staring at Dinosorceror. "You know, Dino...you've done some things in the past which haave maade me confused...but I think this time you've taaken the caake." The Lioness looked to the group of X, Jerhevon, and Stormfront in the small entryway of the TURDIS, killing coelesaur after coelesaur. * There must be a better way of getting inside... * Stormfront shouted, "Well, why the HELL aren't you helping us here?" Another four coelesaurs fell at this one statement alone, making several wonder just how resilient the little buggers were. Their sole purpose seemed to be to reproduce...like tribbles... The resulting sentence from Orelious sounded strange, sort of like a saxophone playing in harmony with a french horn and an oboe, except in different keys. "*~ They I Now must WOULD Ssstormfront be get you feeding into look like the ssso trribbles...baattle nice if Stormfront when we except you're can for angry cut the hisss off simple boy theirr faact would food... thaat I oh the like my Lioness to God haas ssslither we decided and have to I about be mussst 2 a say yearrs pacifist I worrth and enjoy of not thinking grrain fight about in with what emerrgency her thossse storrage bare coelessaursss...they claaws are must the doing have wimp gotten to it...~*" In the resulting confusion, 10 coelesaurs died, and more than a few mouths were left hanging open. In the end, only Dinosorceror could speak. "What?" The three heads turned to each other. "*~ Never mind. ~*" "Hmm...maaybe there is another entraance we can use to get into the TURDIS... I meaan, all these things come with secondary entraances, don't they?" the Goat pondered, looking at the TURDIS, which currently looked like the Sphinx... why, none of hir heads could quite understand. There was a small oomph; X had gotten scratched by 1 coelesaur, which had accidentally fallen on her. "THAT'S IT! YOU ALL DIE NOW!" Setting her gun to "Armaggedon," she proceeded to blast out a small space about 4 feet wide into nothingness. Which opened up the hallway by about a foot. And revealed two coelesaurs mating generously, obviously overcome with the excitement. And made Dinosorceror feel a small pressure... But the Snake wasn't around to see this interesting sight. Orelious was walking around the Sphinx, killing a few coelesaurs (in self-defense, of course) as sie did so. The Goat looked out upon the sugar-overdosed Pneumonia Dragons, whose breath alone had taken out a great deal of Cera's army (including a few Giant Space War Hamsters, who were about to try out for a new TV series). He could see, way off in the distance, WolfWings and Benjamin shooting hard candy into the coelesaurs remaining...they are so odd-colored nowadays, aren't they, the Goat thought, all rings of red on white scales... "There doesn't seem to be much looking like aan opening," the Goat noted, as the Lioness accidentally killed another coelesaur. * Therre must be...they can't have built this without some otherr way of getting into it... but maybe you'rre rright, * the Lioness responded. Sighing, Orelious leaned against the back end of the smallish Sphinx. The Snake, looking quite bored, decided to play a small joke, and slithered around Orelious... "Hey, whaat aare you doing?" the Goat looked down to the Snake, and then gasped in surprise. The Snake, being the Snake, decided to slither up the side of Orelious, crossed over to the Sphinx, and crawled up to the area just under the Sphinx's tail (a technique which he had perfected on FurryMuck, much to the dismay...and pleasure...of several furs there), and pushed lightly. Suddenly, a small area there pushed in, and all three heads recoiled, surprised. A small opening slowly opened in the Sphinx, making her...anatomically correct. The Goat looked at the Snake in shock. The Lioness just smiled and laughed. The Snake hissed quietly. ~ And you sssaid, Goat, that my...anticsss would never do any good? ~ "So I waas wrong," the Goat said, in obvious shock. Sie entered the...ahm...nether region of the Sphinx, the Snake offhand commenting about how he had always wanted to explore micro, but never knew how to go about it... Soon, Orelious came to a wall (which did roughly correspond to a certain area of the anatomy...did TURDISs reproduce?), and pressed a little against it. Slowly, sie saw an opening appear in one area of the wall, just large enough for Orelious to crawl through. Taking into account the twists and turns of the crawlspace, it almost seemed like Orelious went on forever. But, at last, sie found a small vent (no more jokes, please ;) ) in front of her. Looking down, sie saw very little; but, considering that this was the only thing left, sie opened it anyway, and peeked, no, fell, into the room below. Sie soon realized that sie had fallen into the Control Room; the computer (sie lovingly called it the Big Screen) currently had a screen saver on, with three somewhat familiar frogs... except that they weren't croaking normally. They were saying, "Tur..." "Tur..." "Dis..." "Tur..." "Dis..." "Tur..." "Dis..." Suddenly, the computer blinked, and Orelious looked around quickly, to realize that the room had been completely sealed off...except for the one vent from which sie had entered. It was then that the computer said hello. "Greetings, Creator Eli'or'relth." Orelious did a triple-take...ur...no, it would be more than that, wouldn't it? * How did you know of my trruename? * "Why do you caall me Creaator?" ~ Boy, you are sssexy... ~ Throughout several parallel universes, all life was extinguished. In most others, though, the upper heads turned to the Snake. Then looked at the screen, which displayed a dolphin turning circles in the ocean. "My name is Darwin, Creator. I was told that you would not remember me, and so I introduce myself to you again." "Who aare you?" The dolphin laughed. "I was chosen by you to run this computer system, in exchange for a little time with the Snake and some other perks." Orelious blushed a great deal. "It's okay, Orelious...you were better than I had expected." Even the Snake couldn't really speak, for once. Sie gulped...and in all three heads simultaneously. * Wha...what happened? * "You built this TURDIS...and made sure there was a certain passage so the Snake would find it later. To avoid paradox. Unfortunately, you forgot to tell me about what I was really supposed to do...you mumbled something about needing to make the past what it was. And sent me to Plot Hole." The Goat was more than a little surprised at this sudden change of events, but took it in stride. "Okaay. So...whaat caan we do to retaake the TURDIS?" Darwin cleared his throat...which made Orelious wonder how... and suddenly a very familiar, but annoying, theme song, played in the background. (It was remixed by Enya, this time, though.) DA DA...DA DA...DA DA...DA DA...DADADA...DADADA...DADA... Darwin spoke...differently, sorta like Howard Cosell, but not at all like him. "Your mission, Orelious, if you choose to accept it, is to try to find The Way To Clear The TURDIS. Unfortunately, I think there is some injury involved...I'm not sure. You're always so confusing... but I digress. If you do not complete this mission, all records of this Story Bored will be wiped from memory, and your name will be relegated to an obscure HML story once again. Good luck, Orelious. This message will self-dest...urr...erase, in 5 seconds. Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep... Darwin then let out what the Goat could only term as gas... "Where aam I supposed to find this Waay To Clear The TURDIS?" the Goat asked, kinda confused at the flurry of references...hypnotised, perhaps, even. (Wouldn't be a first.) "I don't know. If I did know, I would tell you. I don't. And...I can't let the TURDIS be torn up by a bunch of fucking dinosaurs, Orelious. You wouldn't have wanted me to, and I can't let them get in here... So, Creator, I'm giving you 24 hours. And by then, if the TURDIS isn't clear of those coelesaurs, I will blow up the TURDIS. Starting...now." The Lioness was on the point of frenzy. * What the hell am I supposed to do? * Darwin's voice suddenly became free of any emotion. "Sorry, Dan. I don't know." And so Orelious let out a scream which did manage to kill about 100 coelesaurs through about 20 feet of steel...unfortunately, they had just released about 1000 eggs... @------------------------------------------------------------------------ ! | /__ \ =>:-> "If you're walking home beside her, | | / / / /_ And the sun should turn to blue, | | =>:~~~(^\^\^ (_:*) But you keep on going, 'cause you're unaware...| | (_____ _/ Then you know that you are there." | | ||\ || - Genesis, "Silver Rainbow" | | L_\ L_\ | | orelious@degas.icsi.net | ~------------Orelious, the snugglehypnosisHMLerfurry Chimera-------------3 (happy that you're happy)