From: Nyuchezuu Shampoo Date: 4/19/96 1:06AM Subject: Story Bored 22^H3 Address: To: herpetophile@lists1.best.com 23 is my lucky number (yes really) so which is why I chose it... and dang it, I'm gonna keep it. :) So, without further ado, the almost-but-not-quite-done-but-is-close-enough next chapter of the Story Bored. Note: Jenn may seem a bit, er, hot-blooded, but that's how she seemed to me. If you feel offended by anything in here, Jenn, feel free to, uhm, stomp Dino. And if you like it, stomp 'im twice. ;) ---- As well, Carl Baugh, who's mentioned in this story, is a real person. ---- STORY BORED XXIII: Dino's Ex Machina ---- A faint voice. "wrkp." A louder voice. "Wake up." A growl, and the sound of rending fabric. Dino's eyes flashed open. He wasn't in the forest, but in a seemingly normal room. Turning in the direction of the sound, he noticed tatters of what was once a goose-down blanket. He couldn't quite focus on whoever it was, his eyes still blurry. "Was... was I sleeping?" "Yes, Dino." the voice said, instantly recognizable. Red Dragon. Dino's nictitating membranes cleared his eyes. "Thought you were Bobby Ewing there, for a moment." he muttered. "Who?" "Never mind. Anyhow, I had this dream. And you were in it, and Orelious, and Jenn, but she was someone named X. Toto wasn't, though." "Who?" "Never mind. Anyhow, it was so very real, I'm not sure what happened and what was just my imagination. Don't bother telling me, I'll pick up on it." "Like Sam Beckett?" Red Dragon said. "Who?" "Never mind." ---- Dinosorceror boredly wandered through the TURDIS, a glum expression on his muzzle. Were there a small stone to be found in the halls, he surely would have kicked it. He passed by Orelious, who watched him go by, watched him go by, and didn't even notice him. The first of the chimaera's heads spoke up. "What's wrong, Dino?" The second added, "Yeah, what's bothering you?" The third spoke up as well. "What are we going to have for lunch?" The other two stared at the third, which raised its eyebrows in a shrugging motion, before turning to note the parasaur. Dino smiled wanly at the trio, padding up to them. "Steak. Raw steak for Jenn. Salad for Jerhevon. What's bothering me? Well... it's just that we've gone the universe over, and on to other realities, and what have we for all our exploration? "I mean, I can hardly remember how all this started, anymore." He paused, fingering his 4-D lens. "I got this, was told the old Dinosorceror was no more, and the job was mine. I mean, what's the point of all this?" Orelious' first head said, "To find all the pieces to the most incredible invention in the universe." The second added, "And thereby rid the multiverse of evil and make any sequels rather boring and pointless. Cera, Plot Hole..." "Pat Buchanan..." The first two heads turned to the third again, staring at him. "Whaaaa-aat? And can anybody explain why, if this invention was so incredibly incredible, it was split into parts?" Dino shrugged. "I don't know. I'll think on it." he said, aimlessly, then wandered off down the hall. Orelious talked amongst hirself. "He's sad now. It's your fault." "No, yours." "No, yours!" "Actually, I think it's both your faults." "SHUT UP!" ---- Jenn brought Dino's tail to curling as she crawled in behind him at a viewport, softly nuzzling at the back of his muzzle as her arms held him close. "Heard you were feeling down," she whispered, her breath hot against his neck. "What can I do to help?" Dino shivered, leaning back slightly. "You're doing quite a job of helping right now, Jenn. It's just that I don't know why we're out here. I feel like we're wasting our time..." Jenn knew Dino had to be distracted from his thoughts. She murmured, "You know, Dino, I've seen you looking at me, now and then, and each time you looked away. Like you wanted to say something, but couldn't. I wasn't sure what until I saw your muzzle. You looked embarrassed." Lifting Dino's muzzle, she murmured, "I love you, Dino." Dino blinked, silent for a moment, and had to be prodded by Jenn before he replied, "I love you too, Jenn." Jenn said, "You know, we haven't made love yet." The screech of Dino's footclaws scraping against the floor filled the room. Had any mammals been around, they would surely have flinched. Dino pulled from Jenn, turning about to gaze into her almondine eyes. "You're never usually this forwa... er... not that I wouldn't wa... I... um... erh... how about we pick a bedroom. Or something." Dino stuttered, eventually. Jenn dragged him off by the tail, chirring pleasantly. ---- They eventually did find a bedroom, lit only with candlelight, a radio-like object in the corner of the room. Jenn was in a bed, tail rustling against the sheets, Dino at the device. "Lemme see," Dino mumbled, "'This is a radio-like object. To play a song, push the appropriate buttons.' Ah. Here are the buttons. Which are the appropriate ones, though?" Dino's claws tapped at the buttons. The gentle strains of the Hogan's Heroes theme floated through the room. Dino tried again. The Can-Can. "Appropriate, but not quite conducive to the mood." He turned back to look at Jenn, her raptorine form rather incongruous on the bed as she stared back. She looked hungry. Again, he tried. The Pet Shop Boys' 'It's A Sin.' "Well, sorta," Dino muttered, and pressed some more buttons. The Mission Impossible theme was the result. He slumped his shoulders, chuckling to himself, and gave it one last try. This one, at least had lyrics. Dino sang along, adding his own words: "Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom Boom boom acka-lacka boom boom It was a night like this forty million years ago I lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey skull to go The sun was spitting fire, the sky was blue as ice I felt a little tired, so I watched Miami Vice And walked *on* the dinosaur, *she* walked *on* the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk *on* the *hyyyrk*!" Jenn had pounced onto Dino, and made it rather hard for him to continue singing. One well-placed swat from Jenn's curvy tail, and the audio menace was no more. The snuggling could continue. Jenn held Dino close, staring into his eyes, impatiently growling at him. "No music," she hissed, "No special thing to set the mood. Just you and me. Tearing up the sheets." Dino shivered, and he could feel his member slowly rise, but still he felt reticent. After a pause, Jenn pulled Dino's muzzle to his. "Make love to me!" she hissed, almost threateningly. "I will, I will... it's just that in stories like this, whenever two protagonists get hot and heavy, they're always interrupted..." "I'll interrupt you down the middle, if you don't stop worrying." Dino shrugged his shoulders, deciding there was no point to worrying, and sank into Jenn's cool yet hot embrace, muzzles opening, tongues toying with each others' tongues. Her leathery body sliding against his made him more aroused. Dinosorceror hoped that Jenn was aroused as he, her heat-scent telling him that she surely was. They embraced for what seemed like hours, caressing each other's bodies, until Jenn moved her muzzle to one of Dino's earholes, hissing, "Enter me..." He was more than ready, erection red and glistening, jutting fully from his groin, his erection almost painful. "Before we do, Jenn... pinch me?" he murmured. She looked curiously at him, but did so. Dino felt it. This *wasn't* a dream. As he smiled, Jenn rolled over, her tail lifting to bare her reddened sex, muzzle turning back to plaintively growl at him. Dino wobbled forward on his knees, gently gripping Jenn's hips as he moved forward... *b'ding-bing-bong* "Jerhevon here, guys. I was searching through the TURDIS's manual, and you won't believe what I found! C'mon up to the bri*click*" "No intercom," Jenn said, having just shut it off, "No radio. No interruptions. Anyone comes in, they'll just have to wait their turn. Take me..." Dino was still very aroused, clawed hands finding Jenn's hips, slowly pulling himself into her warmth. The bedsprings under Dino's tail strained as he pushed down on it, so turned on was he. Rotating slightly to avoid Jenn's tail, he leaned over her, breath soft against her head as he began rocking. She stretched out, claws clenching the bedsheets, emitting a pleased growl. "Thhhhat's iiit, loverrrr," she said, her hiss exaggerated in her lust, "maaate me..." She spoke no more, only pleased groans and growls coming from both her throat and Dino's as they moved against each other. (The author could get quite clinical about the couple's mating, but hasn't quite enough experience to complete the job. If you're aroused, remember where you are in this chapter and go off to watch selected bits of Jurassic Park. ...ahh, you're back, good. Dino and Jenn are about to arrive, or synonyms to that effect.) The back of Jenn's parasaur amour was arched, breathing hard, his crest bleating, straining hard to hold back for the sake of Jenn's own pleasure. Fortunately, Jenn was not far behind in the couple's common ascent to the peak, and it was only moments later that she climaxed, the resultant soft rippling around Dino's penis driving him to orgasm as well, his crest serving as a counterpoint to Jenn's growls. Dino clutched to Jenn for an eternity, shivering against her, the drone of his crest finally dissolving into silence, deep hissing breaths the only sound that echoed the room. "I love you, Jenn," Dino murmured, stroking over her neck and shoulders with a gentle hand, "but tell me, why have you been so forward tonight? You're usually so quiet." "I love you too." she said, and added, "Well, after all we've been through, the shy me went away. It wasn't a painful goodbye, or a goodbye at all. More of a change. I want to be a better me." As Jenn felt Dino start to pull from her, murmured, "No. Don't move... want to keep your seed in me." Dino made a soft sound of curiosity. "Does that mean what I think it means?" "Yeah." "...'kay." Dino said, not sure what else to add. The silence that followed was soon punctuated by snores. ---- Orelious turned to look at the couple entering the room, as Orelious gazed out a console, and Orelious talked to Jerhevon. "Where have you two been?" the first head asked. "We've been waiting for you for three hours now!" "I think they've been getting to know each other better." Orelious' first head swung about to face hir others. "Okay, which one of you said that!" Jerhevon raised a hand. "I did." "Oh," Orelious' first head said. "Oh," Orelious' second head said. "Oh," Orelious' third head said. Dino said, "Could you three try that again, in C, E, and G? ...seriously, what did you call us up here for, Jerhevon?" "Well, look here in the manual. Page 249,266,364,346,768, right where anyone can see it. 'Summoning device. Upon request (See page 42,465 for instructions on how to use Request-o-tron 2001), this device will transport to the TURDIS any object, or set of objects.' Don't you realize what this means? We can simply summon all the pieces of the device within a few minutes!" Dino blinked audibly, then stood before the console, wasting no time as he referred to the manual, pushing buttons. Nothing happened. The parasaur looked up. "It says it's processing. Will take a few hours. But it looks like our quest will soon be over. Let's go take a well-deserved vacation while we wait." ---- The world they chose to relax upon was beautiful. No civilization, nor any signs of life higher than fish. Even the "incredibly advanced hidden civilization that somehow escaped the scanners" scanner turned up nothing. And it was just the right temperature to bask in, reptile or mammal. The group rested upon beach chairs they took from the TURDIS, all very relaxed, except for Orelious' third head, who wanted sunglasses. There they relaxed, until Dino hopped up. "I'm gonna go check on the progress of the request. I'm also going to reset the receive point to the blanket, there. This place is too nice to go inside for any longer than we have to." Jenn would have joined him, but was too busy warming up her left side to get up. She knew he'd soon be back. And that's what she thought until the TURDIS disappeared. You see, Dino was so excited he decided to take a quick hop back in time, several tens of millions of years ago in Earth's past. Ever read the story "A Sound Of Thunder" by Ray Bradbury? In it, a guy goes back in time, and steps on a butterfly while hunting a dinosaur. Dino did a bit more. He heard a tyrannosaur coming as he left the TURDIS, those millions of years ago, and ran to stand under it. Unfortunately, along the way, he crushed not only a butterfly, but several small fuzzy mammals, and (what's worse) a cute little lizard. He made it in time, and the 'saur stamped on him, whumphing its way onward. Fortunately, the ground was soft, and except for having a filthy back and an aching tail, he was no worse for wear. Sweeping himself off, he padded towards the TURDIS once more. (He squished a few more unfortunates along the way, but I'm sure you get the point by now.) ---- Meanwhile, back at the ranch... ---- A soft hum emanated from the general area of the beach blanket, and the crew (minus Dino of course) turned to see twenty-five pieces of the wondrous device materialize. Jenn leapt to her feet, peering over the parts. They looked like bits of something high-tech that had definitely seen better days. None of them had easily discernible tabs or notches. "Guys, I got good news, and bad news. Good news is we got all twenty-six parts. Bad news is we have no idea how to put them all together. Do you know how many ways they can connect? Hmm, what's twenty-six factorial?" "Def'nitely 403,291,461,126,605,635,584,000,000. Def'nitely." Everyone else stared at Orelious' third head. "Well, it is!" The sound of an echoing flush came into being behind them, and they turned. There appeared the TURDIS. It was only five centimetres tall. An equally small Dinosorceror stepped out. "Hi guys!" he chirped. "Guys?" His lifting muzzle was almost imperceptible, although the following pratfall wasn't. "Oh, boy." he said, looking quite sheepish. Jenn glared at him. "Whhhhat did you DO? Rhrhrhrh..." Dino crawled backwards, pressing himself against the TURDIS. "Uh, just went for a walk. Heh. Uh, why is everyone looking at me like that? And say, what is that junk over there?" Jerhevon said, "Those are the parts of the device. All twenty-five of them." "That would make 403,291,461,126,605,635,584,000,000 possibilities of putting them together, wouldn't it?" Dino said. Orelious' third head nodded vigorously. Red Dragon busied himself playing with the parts, soon looking up triumphantly. "I got two of them together!" Jerhevon muttered, "Yay. Only 201,645,730,563,302,817,792,000,000 possibilities now. And how're we gonna get home if we *do* get the thing together? The TURDIS will barely accommodate my toe, much less the rest of me. Dino, can your 4-D lens help?" Dino nodded, patting his chest where it ought to have been. "My 4-D lens. My... four... uh... hmm. Huh. Well." "You LOST it?" Jenn growled. "Uhm, no. Not exactly. I know where it is. Embedded in a footprint. Somewhere on the earth. Some time in the past. I hope." Dino zipped inside the TURDIS, making a check for it. (page 249,266,364,346,768, remember? And yes, I do like big numbers.) Unfortunately, as the author's in an evil mood, the Summoning device emitted a cough of smoke, then gave a dying, querulous whine. Dino was only able to pinpoint the general area, and not the time -- in the Americas, in the place that would come to be known as Texas. ---- Addendum: Paluxy River, TX, circa 1972... ---- Carl Baugh, the ardent Creationist, worked hard to find proof that the footprints in the riverbed were of human creation, not dinosaur, thus proving that the two lived together. He had 'discovered' Glen Rose Man from a single tooth (which was really a fish's. How was he to know? That the evolutionists would figure it out so quickly?) and wasn't about to let this discovery pass him by. With a simple digging device, he moved away the silt, soon finding a large depression. While most evolutionists would naively assume it to be a large dinosaur print, he knew better. It was simply the shifting of the earth. However, what he saw in the depression astounded him: A sparkling crystal, a chain attached, embedded in stone, somehow having survived mill... er, hundreds of years. He took several pictures of the site for later proof, then went to work, soon chipping it free, the chain somehow resistant to his pick. Brushing it clean of dust, he donned the pendant. Should he report it? Of course he would! What an embarrassment to those evolutionists! Everyone would know he had this pendant!