SB014 - And Now for Something Completely Different... Dinosorceror, having been thoroughly embarrassed by the sudden realization that his time-travel dimensional-warping doohickey just happened to look like a public bathroom stall, slowly walked up to the controls, which looked something like the controls to the Death Star, only more so. "Do any of you have the slightest idea how to work this thing?" he exclaimed, with much exclamation. X walked up next to Dinosorceror, and tweaked his ridge, causing Dinosorceror to jump about 3 feet (or about 1/10th the size of the controls). "Why, Dinosorceror, can't you see - it's a time-travel dimensional-warping doohickey!" Red walked up to the controls, and tapped a button. Instantly, without further ado, a screen popped up, reading, "Turdis Online - You have mail!" The last three words echoed through the Fortrette, causing a shard of the Turdis to break off - an important shard, as shown in later episodes. "I think this is what he meant, X. Dinosorceror hasn't seen any Dr. Who episodes, obviously." Jerhevon just stood there, wondering what was going on. "What's the mail?" he asked, rather oblivious to a Dr. Who discussion between Red and X, in which the Tardis was discussed, flamed, and later spammed. (In the background, the immortal song by The Timelords began to play: "Dinosorceror, hey! Dinosorceror. Dinosorceror, hey! The Turdis...") The screen bellowed, "You have mail from the HML, Plot Hole, and the International Commission on Human Rights with Respect to Bad Humor. Do you wish to read your mail?" Dinosorceror stood next to Jerhevon. "What? The HML? How'd this Turdis get a subscription?" Jerhevon shrugged. "Turdis, show us the message from the HML." The screen read: >From dino@voicenet.com Thu Feb 1 20:44:04 1996 Date: Fri, 02 Feb 96 02:24:03 GMT From: Dinosorceror Reply to: herpetophile@blob.best.net To: Herpetophile Mailing List Subject: Your mission. SBers: your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find the 26 segments of the Device, the 7 Cities of Gold, the 49ers, and the Point For All of This. If you do not survive, we will remove all references of you from the HML. If you do survive, you will be given all sorts of goodies. This message will self - d e s t r u c t now . . . ---- - =+ Fr om t he D inos orcer o r o f Lav a Do me II I + =- He r p eto phi le - Macrophil e http ://w ww.v oi cen et.com /~dino dino@vo icen et.com As I re a ch for th e dre ams of to mo rr ow, I draw stren g th fro m the depths of my so rro w. Dinosorceror pondered how he could send a message to himself, but was rudely interrupted by Red. "Look, X, even if the Tardis wasn't as complex as this, you should be able to work the thing by simply pressing this button." And with a flourish, the white dragon pressed a skunk-colored button on the console in front of him. Suddenly, everything broke loose. The Twilight Zone met the Munsters, and everyone was happy. "Coolness," was all Red had to say. Of course, the inflections were a little different. Dinosorceror looked at the room again. Where once it had been the pinnacle of technology, now it was something... completely different. The panels and panels of wiring that would make the national Christmas Tree look comparatively bare had been replaced by odd sets of crystals, aligned in a pattern that almost hypnotised him as he looked at them. The flashing lights were gone now, replaced by glowing pieces of wood, looking something like tie-dye. Only the skunk-colored button remained the same on the panel. Though the panel now was covered with a light, skunk-colored fur. "Where...where are we?" Dinosorceror asked, though his voice sounded somewhat different. He blinked, and looked around again...and found a bit of an odd change had occured, not just to the Turdis, but to all of them. Dinosorceror could not exactly be called that now - he looked something more like the Vulpesorceror now. A tall, somewhat striking, anthropomorphic fox. With a pyramid-shaped crystal around his neck. X... Dinosorceror could not help but laugh a bit, as X was now a fierce-looking, vicious squirrel. With a large, cocked [NO JOKES, PLEASE], piece of French bread. Red... Red looked the same, except for a few tufts of hair growing out of odd places of his body. Jerhevon - Jerhevon actually looked quite the same. Or he would have, if he wasn't an otter. Benjamin just blinked - he was the only one among them that was actually the same as before. Though Livingstone now was a small lizard... which made most of them stare at him in envy. Red was the first to speak again. "Well, perhaps that was uncalled for. Maybe I should do that again." Reaching over to press the button, Red smiled in an odd sort of way. "Actually, Dinosorceror, you don't look too bad in fur. Still..." Red pressed the skunk-colored button again. Which pressed down with a -click-. And nothing happened. He pressed down the button yet again...to no avail. X chittered at Red. "Oh, great...now, look what you've gotten us into!" She pointed her pastrami at the dragon, and prepared to fire lunch meat. [Note: in keeping with the gun never being the same setting twice... you get the idea.] Dinosorceror yelled, "Wait! Wait! Perhaps a pyramid is here. Wherever here is." Dinosorceror met X's glare with a gulp. "Let me check." Quickly, he walked up the staircase which suddenly appeared, and opened the door. Walking out into the open, he found himself in a huge complex, with strange decor. Above, a dome of plexiglass showed a dense tropical rain forest outside. High in the skies above, an odd castle made of gold hovered and floated among the skies. In the middle of the room, extending to its edges, was a large, somewhat rectangular pool. To Dinosorceror's right, he could see several rocks which looked quite warm and comfy, even for his new furry form. Everywhere, there were fountains, some spurting up water like geysers, others simply bubbling. On one side, there was a bar installed, with various drinks and supplies for making food and beverages. Several passages led out from the room. Dinosorceror was a bit amazed - he had seen this place before, when he was human. Well, not exactly seen... "The Riverfront Lizards' Lounge?" he asked. A small image appeared before him of an odd-looking chimera. Hir body was like a lioness to hir waist, then a goat's down to hir cloven hooves. Sie had three heads: a male goat's, a female lioness's, and the snake's head, which also was hir tail. The lioness head spoke, with a lilting, singing voice. * Hello, Dinosorceror, * she said. * Be careful... the Daleks have invaded FurryMuck. Need any help? * --------------------------------------------------------------------- | =>:-} "We travel on the road to adventure, | | / /_ on a desert highway | | =}:~~~(^^^^^ (_:*} straight to the heart of the sun, | | (_____ _/ like lovers and heroes... | | ||\_ || - Rush, "Dreamline" | | L_\ L_\ Web: http://mss175.rh.psu.edu/~mogri/ | | Orelious, The Chimera E-mail: orelious@degas.icsi.net | ---------------------------------------------------------------------