THE LAVA DOME IV STORY BORED
Today's Escapade:  "Lootin' Time"

    "Now...you're sure this is safe, right?" Dino asked as they all stood in
the terminal.

     "Look, I'm always hearing about how screwed up your original universe
was, hon...so trust me, this is the way it's done," Jenn replied.  They were
in the main terminal of the International Airway in Faibanx, Alaska.
Mechanical planes were costly and polluted, so Dino really shouldn't've been
surprised to learn that creatures his scale flew places on the backs of
Dragons.

    "Yeah, crust-boy," Astor quickly added. "Remember, it was your other
self's big deal with Palanth a while back that enabled all this inter-size
travel and communication."

    "I dunno...there's just something...inherently Flintstonian about the
whole thing," Dino sighed.

    "And remember, the old site of Lava Dome III is now in giant territory,"
Foofers said, mouth full of Pop-Tarts(tm).  "So you should feel right at
home."

    "You know...I want to know where I got this reputation for liking to be
around giant reptilians," Dino said with a tinge of anger, but Astor smacked
him.

    An exceedingly pleasant voice spoke over the intercom.  "The white zone
is for the loading and unloading of Dragons only.  There is no parking in
the white zone.  The red zone is for the parking of Dragon claws only.
You're either a moron or Dinosorceror if you park in the red zone."

    Dino looked up at the speakers.  "Hey, HEY!"

    "C'mon, guys...our flight leaves from gate G-4," Astor said as he did
the sauropod shuffle down the walkway.

    Dino looked down at his ticket.  "This is in some draconian language.
What air line are we flying with?"  He looked up, and realized Jenn had
already led him to the check-in counter.  A virtual swarm of happy little
compsognathi relived them of their luggage, and a vixen behind the counter
stated in a syrupy voice, "Thank you for choosing Athelind Airline!  We hope
you enjoy your flight."

    Dino's jaw dropped.  "WHAT?  OH, no!  You're not getting me on HIM!"

    A huge belch resonated from outside on the tarmac, causing the glass in
the terminal to twist and warp, before Jenn replied.  "What do you think we
are, rich?  This is the only airline we could afford."

    "Well, I hope to Christ he's eaten," Dino spat.

    Astor stepped up and nudged him.  "What do you think luggage is for?"
Dino just covered his eyes as he was once again led away.

    The one thing Dino was grateful for was the brevity of the flight: it
would take only two hours for them to reach Lava Dome III.  However, the
meal over wasn't much.  They were informed that since Athelind needed so
much food to power his flight, they could only afford to feed the passengers
"fod," a synthetic food substitute.  After Jenn complained about the
nastiness of the fod, a passenger from across the aisle said, "Be glad
you're not travelling coach, where they serve fud."

    They were pleased to learn that unlike airlines from their old world,
these draconian airlines would drop you off right where you needed to go.
"Thanks for the coin, guys," Athelind rumbled as they climbed down out of
the small cabin strapped to Athelind's upper back.  "Glad to be of service.
I'd stay and chat, but I've got other passengers to drop off and an
archipelago with my name on it.  Toodles!"

    Dino, Jenn, Foofers and Astor were left in a cloud of dust on a street
corner that was twenty times bigger than they were accustomed to.  Dino
looked to Jenn.  "Okay...first order of business is the Lens.  As much as I
enjoy the view from here, it'd take forever to walk across the street to the
Dome at this size."

    Jenn blinked a few times, then asked, "And why are you looking at me?"

    "Well...you have the Lens, don't you?"

    Jenn sighed.  She looked at Dino, then at Astor, then at Foofers.  "Oh,
so no one brought it."

    The men started to rumble amongst themselves.  "Oh, shut up, the lot of
you.  I can't believe everyone thought someone else was bringing the Lens!"
she chrred irritatedly.

    "Look...if we can just get to the Dome, there should be enough
Lens-based crap in there to help us, if it hasn't been looted already," Dino
said, looking around and across the street at the boarded-up building.

    "Why...well, I'm still confused about this alternate world thing,"
Foofers said, scratching between his horns.  "Why is LD3 all giant-like?
Didn't we used to work here?"

    Jenn rolled her eyes, getting quite tired of filling in everyone about
what their lives had been like.  "Of course we did!  This was one of the
ConHugeCo facilities.  Why do you think they called it ConHugeCo?" she
snickered.

    "So...we worked in here, even though it's way too big for us to be able
to do anything productive?  God, what a waste of time," Astor said.

    "I'm surrounded by a lack of intellect," Jenn sighed, rubbing her
forehead.  "We made LENS products, you idiot!  This was all normal-sized to
us then!"

    Dino blinked at Jenn.  "So...you're saying...we all used to live in
giantland here?  This is where we grew up?"

    Jenn nodded her head, becoming QUITE weary of explaining the bleeding
obvious.  "YES, weebrain.  Then we moved to Alyeska, so naturally we had to
shrink down to mix in with the indigenous population."

    Dino scratched his crest.  "Well, I guess that makes sense.  I guess I
would've looked for any excuse to get wee."  This time, Jenn smacked him.

    Luckily, they were either in a deserted part of town, or it was a slow
traffic day...otherwise, they would've had a hard time crossing the street,
which was longer than a football field to them.  Just as they were scurrying
up the curb, footfalls caught Dino's ears first.  (It was one of his most
useful features.)

    "Hey...someone's coming!" Dino shouted, and they all took refuge by a
lamppost.  Peering around it, Dino identified the large creature
approaching.  "Hey, I know that Dragon...it's Stormfront!"  Sure enough,
Stormfront was walking down the sidewalk, gazing up at the boarded-up buildi
ng.  Dino ran out into the sidewalk, and tried to get hir attention.  "Hey,
thunder thighs!  Down here!"

    Stormfront, of course, was quite oblivious to the rat-sized
Dinosorceror, and walked right over and around him.  It was only when he
smacked the side of hir heel as it landed nearby that sie looked down.
"What the -- hey, don't I know you?" sie said, quite startled.

    "Yep!  I'm the one and only, Dinosorceror, defender of the wee,
protec--"

    "No, you're the bastard who stole Revanche from me," sie said, crossing
hir arms over hir chest.

    "Um...well, hey, you said I could have anything!" Dino shouted up, as
meekly as he could.

    Stormfront gestured up to the boarded up LD3 headquarters.  "Yeah, but
now I have to demolish this building myself, and I can't get as big as
Revanche could.  Gonna take me forever, plus I have to be more careful of
debris..."

    Jenn, Astor and Helvetica all scooted out from behind the lamppost, and
Stormfront blinked to hirself, wondering how sie had wound up in a "Honey, I
Shrunk The Dinos" movie.

    "You're going to what?  Demolish Lava Dome Three?" Jenn spat up to
Stormfront.

    Stormfront's eyeridges raised.  "Of course.  Someone pays me money, and
I knock down old crummy buildings."  Sie winked.  "And I enjoy it, too."

    "Well, who's paying you do to this?  We gots lootin' to do, woman!"
Astor shouted up, shortly before Stormfront sneered down at him.

    "I paid hir, shorty," a voice said as more footsteps approached.

    Dino stared blankly before him, which did fix his gaze right between
Stormfront's toes, but he didn't even see them -- a voice from the past
shocked him.  "Oh, crap.  No, can't be..."

    A feminine triceratops morph, just as large as Stormfront, stepped up
beside hir.  "So, did you all miss me?" the 'tops said.

    "Who the devil are you?" Jenn said, and Cera's smile faded.  Dino
snapped out of his state, and started to back away from the two rather large
reptilians.  "Who is that, honey?" Jenn asked Dino.

    "Oh, nothing but my worst nemesis whom I THOUGHT I had seen the last of
a few million episodes ago," he said, half-chuckling.

    Cera flexed her toeclaws a bit.  "What, did I hear that little rodent
talk?"

    "I think it's time to get out of here," Helvetica whispered, and was
already was waddling towards a large crack in the foundation of the
building.

    "I think you're right," Astor said, who used incredible willpower to
break his gaze from Stormfront's breasts.

    "Oh, I don't think so..." Cera sneered, lifting a foot.  Stormfront's
eyes widened, and sie smacked a clawhand to Cera's rather flat chest.  "Hey,
what the hell do you think you're doing?" sie shouted excitedly.

    Cera pushed against Stormfront's restraint.  "Something I wish I had
done a long time ago!" she shouted.

    "Hey, I demolish buildings, not people!" Stormfront said, pushing Cera
to the ground, giving the wee group a chance to scurry inside the old Dome.
"If you're gonna be that way, you can find someone ELSE to knock this
building down!" Stormfront said, stepping over Cera and leaving in a huff.

    Cera sat up, squinting and sneering at the crack.  "After six years of
hunting you down, you little speck...you are not getting away that easily,"
she spat.

    "So what the hell is THIS, then?" Astor shouted angrily as they
scrabbled through ductwork.  "I thought we left that bitch off in hell a few
universes ago!  How the hell can she be here now?"

    "I hope you're not expecting me to answer those questions, Thunder Toes,
'cause I haven't got the faintest idea," Dino said as he spat out a
dust-bunny.  "I was kinda hoping that when the universes got all mixed up,
Cera'd wind up as a rock or a cactus or something."

    "You know, you'd think that after me explaining every two minutes about
the world you're in now, dear," Jenn said as she pushed Dino down to the
bottom of the air vent and pinned his neck with a toeclaw, "you'd at least
explain to me who one person in your past was."

    Dino squeakled, and replied, "Okay, okay!  Look, Cera was this insane
psycho-bitch who was a patsy of the Patriarch and was trying to get all the
Segments of the Device before we did.  Jesus, I hope that doesn't mean the
Patriarch is back!  It's a long story...very Josie and the Pussycatsesque.
Let's just say that there's enough bad feelings between us to warrant us
hopping on the next Dragon out of here."

    Jenn rolled her eyes, removing her foot from Dino's neck.  "Please.  We
came here to finish cleaning out the Dome, and that's exactly what we're
going to do.  You don't want that Battery falling into anyone else's claws,
do you?"

    Dino stared blankly, and Astor and Helvetica soon followed suit,
although Helvetica's suit was black-and-white striped.  "Battery?" they all
said in unison.

    Jenn collapsed to the side of the vent.  "Jesus, I feel like a goddamned
historian.  I swear, this is the last thing I'm filling you guys in on."

    Dino rubbed his neck, and smiled sweetly at his wife.  "Honey?  Sugar
blossom?  Peachy-kin?"

    Jenn huffed.  "The Battery is the source of power for all Lens products.
Whoever controls the Battery controls every Lens device on the planet.
That's why we can sell Lens products...they have a finite shelf life.  Once
you use up their power, they'd have to be recharged at the central Lens
Battery in order to work again.  Our own 'main Lens' is pretty low on power
itself, by the way.  We left ConHugeCo in such a hurry, though, that we
thought the Battery would be safe enough where it was for a while, until we
got a chance to get back to it and pick it up, once the heat from ConHugeCo
was off."

    "And where is this safe place?" Astor asked.

    "It's in the third sub-basement at the bottom of a ten foot shaft behind
a sign with a picture of Hello Kitty on it," Jenn replied.

    "I'm hungry," Helvetica said.

    "Okay, then...here's what we do," Dino proposed.  "We pick us up some
cheapo Lens-based product that's still around here, and we take it with us
to the Lens Battery.  Charge it up, and we can all get to more appropriate
sizes for this area."

    "I'd rather _not_ be microscopic," Astor frowned.

    "C'mon, let's go," Dino said as he continued to walk down the airshaft.

    "But...I'm still hungry!" Helvetica said.

    A few death-defying tunnel slides later, they made their way to an air
vent right next to the only elevator leading to the sub-basements.  "I
wonder if Cera knows what we're after," Jenn pondered as they entered the
large hallway.

    "Hey, I just remembered...what about getting some cheapo Lens trinket to
use with the Battery?" Dino asked.

    "Oh, don't worry...the sub-basements are a veritable storehouse of
failed Lens products," Jenn replied.  "Most of them YOUR idea, weeboy."

    "Well...well, see?  I was planning for just such an emergency."

    A rather melodious click of talons on concrete overtook their
conversation.  "Those...those footsteps don't sound heavy enough to be that
lard-ass Cera," Dino whispered as they all huddled against the wall beneath
the air vent.  Around the corner stepped a small and sprightly anthro
coelosaur...but to the wee Domers he was neither small nor sprightly.

    "I see she still has the same taste in henchmen," Astor whispered to
Helvetica.

    "Please, stop talking about food!  I'm starving!" Helvetica whispered
harshly.

    The coelosaur sniffed the air, and was apparently alone in his search of
the basement access areas.  He approached the elevator, and pressed the V
button.

    "This our chance to get down there, guys," Dino said, and as the
elevator doors opened, the wee crew hopped the rather large gap between the
floor and the elevator car, managing to scamper inside just as the doors
were closing.

    A muzak version of "Macro" was playing in the elevator during the trip
down, and Dino was transfixed on how the dimwitted coelosaur tapped his
toeclaws to the beat.

    "Have you considered getting him fixed?" Astor whispered to Jenn.

    "If he doesn't perform soon, I'll fix him, all right," she grumbled in
reply.

    They all did a quick vault to the sub-basement floor again as the car
doors opened, the coelosaur still oblivious to their presence.  "Unit 6
reporting in, Mistress Cera," he said into his wristwatch.  "Nothing to
report yet...I'm in the bottom level of the basement."  As he walked off,
Jenn whispered, "This way!" and led them down the opposite hallway.

    "Hrm...is it just me, or does this seem too easy?" Dino asked.

    "Not everything has to be a life-or-death adventure," Helvetica replied.

    "That's true," Dino added.

    "So why is this one, then?  If I don't get food soon, I'm gonna die!"
Helvetica cried.

    Jenn led them down a side hallway, which led to a vast (even by
standard-sized standards) storehouse of failed Lava Dome products.  "Okay,
what's the smallest and easiest to carry?" Astor said, peering around.

    Jenn skritched her chin, looking around and finally pointing out a box.
"Hrm.  That would have to be Dino's Tic-Tac-Toes.  They were a little candy
that would expand in your stomach."

    That was all Helvetica needed to hear, and he ripped open the cover of
one of the small plastic boxes and devoured a few of the X and O shaped
tablets rabidly.

    "Actually...that sounds pretty painful," Astor commented, watching Foofs
eat.

    "Exactly," Jenn sighed, and picked up a tablet.  "C'mon, Foofs...you can
eat more later.  Let's get to the Battery."  Foofs frowned and belched, but
eventually complied.

    "Grab a section of that LensThread, too, Dino darling...we'll need that
to get down the shaft to the Battery," Jenn added.

    "LensThread?  But...why did this fail?" Dino asked as he bit a piece
off.

    Jenn rolled her eyes.  "Because if you sold someone LensThread, they'd
never have to buy any more!"

    "Oh."

    Once again, Dino was amazed how they had encountered zero resistance on
the way to the underground vault that held the Lens Battery.  "Maybe Cera's
exceptionally inept in this universe," Astor chuckled to himself.

    Dino lowered himself down on the LensThread alone to open the Hello
Kitty door that lead to the safe the Battery was in.  Swinging and bouncing
on the button, he eventually applied enough pressure for the sickeningly
sweet Hello Kitty door to slide up into the cool concrete, revealing...a
dark hole.

    "Say, how...how big is this Battery, honey?  Is it far back in the
safe?" Dino shouted up to the top of the pit, where the three were holding
the end of the LensThread.

    "Jeez, Dino...it should be right there staring you in the face!" Jenn
shouted back.

    Dino blinked a few times.  "Um..."

    "Looking for this, weebrain?" Cera said, and Dino looked up just before
Cera pushed aside Astor, Jenn and Helvetica and gave a sharp yank on the
LensThread.  As the Thread settled, Dino saw that Cera was holding what
looked like a lantern battery, only it was made out of a clear, crystalline
substance.

    Cera smiled as she pulled Dino up and dropped him roughly near his
companions.  "You know how long I've been looking for this?  Heh...how silly
of me...of course you do."  As Dino peered up at the Battery, he saw it was
actually made of many interlocking crystalline pieces.

    "No...oh, shit, no...that's not..." Dino said agape.

    Cera's smile widened, and she nodded slowly.  "You're not as dumb as you
look, Weeniesorceror.  That's right...what your wifey here calls the Lens
Battery is actually what we know as the Device.  You see, when you screwed
up the universes, the Segments of the Device united.  All in one
easy-to-steal package.  I received a visit from a buddy of yours who filled
me in on what I had been doing in other universes, so naturally I was eager
to finish the job I had started.  I should thank you, Dinosorceror.  He told
me I was going through all sorts of trouble getting the Segments from you,
but now...voila.  All assembled, ready-to-use."

    Dino wasn't really paying attention to Cera's story.  He was scanning
the area, trying to think of some way to get out of the situation.

    "However...it wasn't quite that easy.  You see, when the universes
mixed, I didn't wind up in the same time as you.  Using a...somewhat
imperfect device that I got from that friend, I've been keeping myself busy
pillaging various time periods in history until I came across the location
of the Device.  I popped into this time period about six years ago, laying
low until you reared your ugly head.  I actually met up with Tyrannix, who
had filled me in on your activities enough for me to come here and find...at
long last...the Device!"

    Dino whispered to Jenn momentarily, smiled, then whispered to Astor.
"I'll keep her busy while you do it," he concluded to Astor, then Dino
shouted up to Cera.  "I don't believe it, Cera.  You've traveled all over
the omniverse for this Device...and you don't even know how to use it."

    Cera's eyes flared with rage.  "What?  You insolent little..."

    "Of course you don't.  If you even had the slightest INKLING of how to
use the Device, you'd already have the world in your palm," Dino shouted
angrily.  "Face it, you're just a big loser!"

    Cera shook her head slowly.  "Oh, no, my tiny irritant...I'm the
winner!"  She lifted her foot when Dino shouted, "Now would be a good time,
ASTOR!"

    Astor had been slowly approaching Cera's left foot, and as she lifted it
he spat on a Tic-Tac-Toe and tossed it underneath.  The candy expanded
rapidly, and not finding any stomach walls to restrict its growth, it kept
growing until it met the bottom of Cera's foot and toppled her over.  The
Device slipped from her grip, and clattered on the floor near Dino.  He
quickly touched the LensThread to the Device, and it glowed brightly.  After
a moment of concentration, he grew to a "normal" size with respect to the
surroundings.  "You're such a tool, Cera," Dino chuckled, and grabbed hold
of the Device...

    ...and the strangest feelings shot through his body...

    ...until Tyrannix came up from behind him and clubbed him across the
shoulders.  Dino grunted and collapsed to the ground as the still wee Astor,
Jenn and Foofers scattered.  Tyrannix, saying "Yoink!", picked up the Device
and backed away.

    By this time, Cera had pushed aside the rogue confection and had
regained her footing and bearings.  "What the hell?" she shouted, then saw
that Tyrannix had the Device.  "Oh...good work, Tyrannix!" she smiled, then
turned to the sprawled Dino and sneered.  "What's the matter,
Weeniesorceror?  Can't stand the height?" she laughed.

    Dino rolled and blinked his eyes a few times, then took in a deep
breath.  He dug his toeclaws into the ground and charged at ground level for
Tyrannix, who couldn't prevent Dino from grabbing his ankle.  "What the--"
was all Tyrannix could spout as he was shoved backwards, cradling the
Device.

    "Oh, you're gonna give me that right now, Tyrannix," Dino spat at him,
crawling up his front.

    "Oh, yeah?" Tyrannix replied.  "Or what?"

    Dino slapped a claw on the Device, sneering with fire in his eyes.  "Or
THIS!" he shouted.

    And...nothing happened.

    Tyrannix closed his eyes and cringed, waiting for some spectacular
catastrophe to befall him, and as he did so, he loosened his grip on the
device.  Dino snatched it from him with a "yoink!" and backed off, standing
above him.  "Geez, you're a tool too, Tyrannix.  DUH!"

    Dino chuckled, then waved his hand, and Astor Jenn and Helvetica grew to
a proportionate size.  "See, I don't know how to use the Device much more
than you do, Cera.  All I know is how to use the Lens-y aspects of it.  But
it's enough to keep you off my back."

    Cera's eyes narrowed, then she smiled.  "If you only knew what you were
getting into, Dinosorceror.  If you onnnnly knew..."  She touched a device
on her waist, and she disappeared in a flash.  Tyrannix sat up, said, "Eh?"
and then he disappeared in a flash as well.

    Astor walked up and patted Dino on the back roughly.  "Hey, good plan
there for once, kruft-for-brains!"

    Dino smiled a little.

    "Hey, what's the matter?  You've got the goods, you've got girl...what
are you gonna do now?" Helvetica asked, expecting a Disneyesque answer.

    Dino nodded slightly.  "She's right, you know."

    Jenn's eyeridges furrowed as she looked at her husband.  "Who, Cera?
Right about what?  Just what went through your mind when you touched that
Device?  You looked...kinda dazed for a bit."

    Dino scratched his crest.  "I don't know...I'm not sure.  I just know
that now that we have the Device, we're playing on a whole new level now.
We have some heavy shit in front of us."

    "Geez, what an ominous ending," Astor whined.