ONE MORNING AT LD4-

 It was an unusually beautiful September morning in Fairbanks Alaska, where
the LD4 Bed & Breakfast made its home.  The glittering sun caused all of the
early fall colors to shimmer, creating quite a riot of yellows and oranges,
until it seemed as if the entire Tanana valley were ablaze, gaining relief
only from the lingering bits of moisture that hung on every available
surface, remnants of the previous night's frost.

 Since it was rather late in the tourist season, the denizens of LD4 had it
pretty easy.  With winter coming, they could turn their minds to other
activities, and they were no doubt thinking along these very lines as they
gathered variously around the table in the sunny breakfast nook to partake
of morning meal, created by the Jenn robotic clone.  Astor read the morning
paper around his hearty meal, flipping through its pages with a crisp and
purposeful snap that fit perfectly into the morning sounds.  Helvetica mused
over sketches for the purposed LD4 Hall O' Justice as he munched his Grape
Nuts™.  Jenn, at the head of the table, was partaking of her usual bowl of
Post Raisin Bran™, while quite absorbed in the reading of volume one of the
Mahabarata.  It was an idyllic morning, its peace broken only by the sounds
of the Dinosorceror nattering on at the other end of the table; distractions
the other three reptiles had long ago trained themselves to ignore.

 Dino was going on into the cordless phone as he had his own breakfast;
warmed up left- overs from the previous night's dinner.  He was chatting
with some associate or another in the information services business.  Most
of what he said made little sense to the others at the table (making it that
much easier to ignore) for his conversation had to do with things like
Linux, and firewalls, and was filled with nonsensical initials such as MX,
DNS, and IP.

 "I don't know Howard," Dino was saying dubiously into the phone.  "I don't
think the company really wants to spend all that extra money for three boxes
and a Rube Goldbergian set- up when all we need is one firewall.  Yes, I
know that it might cost less, but you can't get support for it."  He paused
for a long moment and wolfed down a mouthful of food while he listened, then
made a face to illustrate just how much of an idiot he thought the guy on
the other end of the line was.  Finally he said, "Alright Howard.  I'll tell
you what; you go online and get me all the information you can about this
set-up and put together a nice outline and proposal for it.  I'll take a
look at it and tell you what I think.  Sound good?"

 Dino hung up the phone after exchanging a few last pleasantries, and looked
immensely pleased with himself.  Astor looked at him over the edge of the
Daily News-Miner.  "Dino?" asked the apatosaur, "Why did you send that poor
man off to do all that work and research on something you have no intention
of ever installing?  Don't you think that's rather cruel?"

 Dino poohed, "Nah.  It keeps him busy and out of my hair for awhile.
Besides, he wants to do it.  He always wants to do everything I tell him.  I
could make him do anything if it would mean that he could continue to extol
the virtues of his precious Linux contraptions.  I have that effect on
people, you know."

 Astor laid the paper down with a look of disbelief.  "What effect?"

 "I can make anyone do anything I want."

 "You've got to be kidding," Astor scoffed. "You're nothing but a little
mite.  Gojira toe putty.  You have no influence over anyone."

 Dino puffed up with self importance.  "I sure do!  I run the mailing list,
don't I?  And on Furry, just look at how many herps want to hang around with
me, and I can get every one of them to stomp me even if they aren't into
that.  I've got Khith running around the B&B in the hopes of getting me to
write some more ‘Murmur' stories.  I've got Foofers there trying to design a
Hall O' Justice.  I've saved the world.  I'm the great and powerful
Dinosorceror.  I'm in charge of Lava Dome Four!"

 At that, silence fell.  Astor froze, large brown eyes glancing nervously
away from Dino towards the other end of the table.  Helvetica stopped with a
spoonful of delicious healthy Grape Nuts™ halfway to his mouth.  He too
looked toward the end of the table opposite Dino's.  Outside, the pigeons
ceased their cooing and the sun did not seem to shine quite as brightly as
it had only a moment before.  Khith and robo-Jenn both stopped in the
doorway.  Even the cats, Benjamin and Josef, paused in their grooming from
their respective sunbeams.

 Dino looked around.  "What?" he hooted.

 Jenn slowly raised her gleaming black eyes from her book, leaving off in
the middle of Arjuna's adventures in the Court of Indra.  She fixed her cold
steely gaze directly on her husband, who suddenly felt much smaller than his
normal size of eight foot.  He tittered nervously, wondering why the world
had suddenly come to a screeching halt, and why it seemed a lot colder in
the breakfast nook all of the sudden.

 "Excuse me?" Jenn hissed out, her low smooth voice cutting through Dino
with the ease of a ginsu.  "Tell me again, *who* is in charge of Lava Dome
Four?"

 All eyes swung back to Dino, who fidgeted with this tunic and warbled.
"Uh, well, you see, things being as they . . . well, I thought . . . you
know, technically . . . I am?"

 Astor and Helvetica scrambled; leaving bowls of cereal, eggs, toast and the
newspaper in their wake.  The cats made a dash for the doorway, streaking
past Khith and robo-Jenn who were not far behind in beating a hasty retreat.
Dino was startled, but not nearly as much as he was when Jenn rose out of
her seat, slammed one taloned foot onto the edge of the table, and jumped to
its highly polished surface.

 She stalked down the length of the table, her claws clicking into the
grain, leaving scratches and gouges as she went.  She stared at him with a
predatory ferocity in her black eyes, finger talons fidgeting around the 4-D
Lens she still wore around her neck.  Dino backed up in his chair, but there
was no place for him to go for the bay window was behind him.  And he was
too mesmerized by Jenn's toes and claws to move in the first place.

 She reached him, grabbed him by the tunic front and lifted him from his
chair, showing her considerable strength.  The muscles of her arms bulged as
she elevated the squirming parasaur high into the air, turned with him, and
slammed him onto his back on the table.  The remaining dishes clattered and
fell.  Dino found himself staring up at his wife, who proceeded to plant her
left foot squarely on his chest, leaning down onto him with all of her
weight.

 Dino gasped and wheezed.  "Uh, uh, honey?" he choked.  "You're . . . you're
crushing me . . . "

 "I thought you *liked* to be crushed," she replied snidely and bounced a
little heavier on the foot holding him down.  "Now, who is in charge of Lava
Dome Four?"

 Dino wrapped his hands around her ankle in a fruitless attempt to lift her
off balance.  He strained and huffed and made no progress.  "Well, you know
. . . huhhh . . . h-honey . . . you really don't do much around . . .
hhhhere . . . "

 Jenn's eyes gleamed as she bristled and growled low in her throat.  The
sound caused the entire table to shutter.  The last remaining glass fell to
the floor and shattered noisily.

 "Damn," Helvetica said from where he and Astor were peering around the edge
of the doorway "Now we have to buy a new set of dishes."

 "Living with a raptor is expensive," Astor agreed.

 Meanwhile, Dino was doing no better.  He froze at Jenn's furious growl,
staring up at her wide eyed.  His fear grew into panic when he saw he reach
for the Lens swinging around her neck.  As she lifted it, the crystal in the
setting caught the morning sun just right and sent a momentary lens flare
dancing around the nook.  Dino began to squirm and wiggle for his life,
clawing at the table beneath him to get some leverage.

 "On no!" he bellowed, "Don't you DARE use that on me, young lady!  Put that
lens down right now, or you'll be so sorry!!"

 Jenn snarled and used the lens, its blue glow immediately enveloping the
hapless Dinosorceror, slamming into him like a cool arctic blast.  His every
molecule was corrupted and changed, causing his entire body to shrink down
into a neat small package, just a comfortable size to fit under Jenn's
splayed toes.  Her scaled foot fitted over him perfectly, encasing him in
raptor flesh, black shiny talons on either side of his head, all her weight
bearing down on him.  Dino squirmed and fought, tiny hands clutching at her
scales.

 The pressure increased as Jenn leaned down and glared at him.  "Who does
the dishes nearly every day?" she hissed, her rows of teeth clicking at him
sharply.

 Bewildered, Dino gasped out, "I DO!"

 "And who cleans the place and vacuums?"

 Dino blinked.  "Me!"  He wondered for a moment just who's point she was
trying to prove.

 "And who does all the driving?  And gets the gas?"

 "ME!"

 "And who cleans the dead pigeons out of the water tank?"

 "I do!" Dino wheeeezed.

 Jenn grinned, a sneering sparkle filling her eyes.  Around Dino, her toes
clenched and grooves were dug into the table on either side of his head by
her claws.  "Right.  And *who* makes you do all of those things?"

 Dino boggled for a moment or so.  He huffed around his crushed lungs, "Uh .
. . you do."

 "Exactly!  Therefore, *who* is in charge of Lava Dome Four?"

 With great reluctance, the truth dawned on the tiny Dinosorceror.  He swore
to himself and was forced by weighty pressures to admit, "You are, honey."

 Jenn grinned and stepped off the weesaur, pausing with her foot above him
to stretch and flex her toes.  She then set her foot down and poked her
nuzzle at her husband.  "Very good, my little one," she said elegantly.  "I
hoped we learned a lesson here today, Dino dearest darling.  One that you
will not soon forget," she strode off across the table.  "I am in charge of
Lava Dome Four, and your place," Jenn paused glancing back at him over her
shoulder, "is under my foot."

 With that, the raptor left to enjoy the rest of the beautiful Fairbanks
morning.