WARNINGS: Pay attention! This story has angst! This story has sex! And *gasp* that sex occurs between two boys! That means it's yaoi, you all, so please run away screaming if you're opposed to those sorts of shenanigans. And, to make matters even worse, this story is primarily YAMACHI. If any of that squicks you, then don't read this story. Okay? Please take heed of the warnings, as this is the type of fan fic that your mother warned you about. At least, she would warn you if she knew you were such a hentai and reading this kind of stuff.  You've now been warned repeatedly, so I don't want to hear any whining otherwise.  We dive right into the lemony yaoi goodness with hardly a preamble, so tread carefully.

Chase the Sun

Maybe somebody don't see it like I do
Maybe somebody want me to paint the sky blue
I don't really care, at least not today
For today was the start of another day

--Corey Hart - Chase the Sun

With a throaty gasp, Taichi clutched at the scattering of pillows sprawled beneath him, the dampness of his own sweat curling around his fingers from the fabric. His eyes tightly shut, disarrayed hair hanging over his face in wet stringy strands, he arched his back, feeling the tight heat of his arousal brush over rumpled blankets, feeling his chest constrict tightly with the invading sensation of being filled. Filled and pushed into. A low uncomfortable whine escaped the back of his throat.

The skin of his back was hot and slick, pressed as it was against the front of his lover. Yamato’s slender face hung near Taichi’s ear, his own eyes closed just as tightly, golden mane mussed and hanging heavily. He clutched Taichi around the waist, forcing the brunette to hold his slight and manageable weight. He’d only just settled into the boy’s inviting depths, pushing in past the resistance with the aide of the new lube they’d gotten from the local drugstore on the way home from the movie that night. They’d both been overeager, both wanting the other desperately. By the time they reached the apartment Yamato shared with his father, neither of them had much control remaining.

Yamato held his position while Taichi squirmed beneath him, drawing hard panting breaths. His partner was very vocal; Yamato would know exactly the right moment to continue simply based on how Taichi’s noises changed from strained whimpers to eager moans. And even if he started up his rhythm a little too soon, Yamato had sensed on previous occasions that his partner actually rather liked the discomfort that came before he relaxed completely. This time was no different. Taichi bucked his hips, the needful cry coming from his throat muffled by the pillows. He wanted his blonde lover to continue but didn’t have the vocabulary available at the moment to properly let him know.

Yamato pressed his mouth close to his lover’s ear and whispered in a husky tone, "All right, Taichi. All right . . . "

He moved jerkingly into a maddeningly slow rhythm then, fighting to control his own need, his own desire to plunge himself wantonly into Taichi’s tight and heated passage. He had to start slow, to force his lover’s inner muscles to relax, because a little erotic pain during lovemaking was one thing. Damage was something else entirely. His careful in and out movements created a friction heat which helped the lube to melt further, making it increasingly easier for Yamato to press in tightly with each inward thrust and slip back out almost all the way on each upswing.

Taichi was clearly in ecstacy. He arched his body even more, rocking back on his knees in a counterpoint to each of Yamato’s thrusts, trying to get the blonde’s long slender erection as far into himself as he could take. He sounded almost strangled as he called out with each thrust, as shots of shivering sensation traveled his body to slam into the back of his head. Taichi never knew what he was saying when he was caught in the throes of sex like this, but he groaned and moaned and yelped out all sorts of nonsense ranging from Yamato’s name to broken attempts at "I love you" to desperate pleas for more, harder, deeper, faster . . .

Yamato was quieter in his lovemaking, more intense and focused. He firmly and heartily tried to fulfil each of Taichi’s demands, drilling his erection into the brunette boy’s receptive depths with increasing speed. But, even as deliberate as he intended to be, the blonde couldn’t stay together as long as he might have liked. Not with Taichi’s trim athletic body moving around beneath him like he was. His thrusts soon became hallmarks of abandonment, and he gripped his partner painfully tight around the waist, helping Taichi ram himself backwards. The receiving boy’s noises inspired him, the slick and sweaty tanned skin sliding back and forth under his chest and stomach fired him, and the heat that wrapped around his member made him lose his head.

It wasn’t long before he was shoving himself into Taichi with such force, with far more power than his slender form should have possessed, that the boy underneath was gasping for breath, crying out loudly and tearing the fabric of the pillowcases with the death grip of his fingers. The head of Yamato’s cock hit that bundle of nerves buried deep within him just right one more time, causing his body to tense, his throat to release a strangled wail, and his own arousal to spill forth repeatedly and spastically onto the blankets beneath him. Yamato’s hold around his waist tightened as he grabbed on to prevent being tossed off by Taichi’s rigid buckling. But the constriction of Taichi’s inner muscles, in response to his wild and rambunctious orgasm, was just what Yamato’s cock needed to be brought off. He dug his teeth into the flesh of Taichi’s shoulder, prompting another sharp cry and a toss of the head from his lover, and pumped himself into the vessel of a boy that moved beneath him.

They collapsed together, in a sticky slick tangle of legs and arms and sweat. Yamato lay on Taichi’s back while his lover fought to catch his breath, hand clenching and unclenching on one of the pillows as if he were kneading. Yamato discovered a bit of his own air intake was missing and worked to catch up, nuzzling his face in the wet strands of soft chestnut hair that curled around Taichi’s neck. For a long moment, neither of them had the will or strength to move or even think.

Then, as he sensed his lover breathing properly again, Yamato pulled back, rocking onto his knees on the bed so that he could shift how they were sprawled. The air clung to his sweating form in a sickly damp manner, and maneuvering Taichi was like trying to move a bag of wet sand, but within a few moments Yamato was satisfied with their new position. The bed beneath them was wet and growing clammy, but he had Taichi in his arms, that wild head pressed to his chest, legs twined together under a knotted mass of sheets and blankets. As one, they both heaved a sigh and relaxed, night dropping down around them almost out of nowhere. They hadn’t noticed the stillness of the apartment until they made themselves a part of it.

Yamato stroked fingers through Taichi’s manic hair, laying his own head back to briefly gaze at the darkened ceiling before he closed his sapphirine eyes. His heart was still pounding, but the tempo was starting to slow as his body wound back down into its normal equilibrium. He reflected to himself that taking Taichi to see sappily romantic movies was a good thing. The Keeper of the Crest of Courage had hotly protested the outing all the way into the theater, but based on how he practically dragged Yamato back to the apartment afterwards . . . he must have changed his opinion.

Yamato smiled to himself as he felt the puff of a breath and the flutter of eyelashes against his cooling skin. His fingers brushed at the persistent bangs that seemed determined to cover the brunette’s face. "Okay, Taichi?" he asked softly and throatily, simply because he always asked. He knew what the answer would be, because Taichi wouldn’t have admitted to anything otherwise. He was just that way. But Yamato routinely asked because he cared about his lover and sometimes they did get rather wild.

"Better than okay . . . " Taichi replied, his words vibrating against Yamato’s chest, his fingers curling over the trim surface of Yamato’s stomach. He loved that firmness, loved the feel of pale satin flesh stretched over slender but strong muscles. He loved the feeling of heat and closeness and the press of the blonde’s arms around him, and the habitual inquiry that reaffirmed Yamato’s concern for him every time they were together. He loved the close warmth of the air in the room around them, and the unfocused light from the street far below which glowed behind the curtains covering the bedroom window. He loved the scent of his lover’s body, loved the salty tang that rose from him after they had sex. He loved being a part of the other boy, loved being so close to him that they couldn’t possibly get closer. There were a million things about Yamato that Taichi loved, far too many to list, but they all were all keenly represented in moments just like this.

When Yamato made love to him, it was sheer joy. When they cuddled together afterwards. . . it was absolute heaven.

"Mmm . . . " Yamato replied vaguely, his body feeling heavy and placid. It was late, he was spent. But he was beyond content with his lover in his embrace. His perfect lively delight of a lover. That larger-than-life genki tornado of a boy who was energetic and caring, blustering and full of himself. And yet . . . when they were alone together, who would have guessed that Yamato could so easily swipe the reins of the relationship from the Leader of the DigiDestined? That while Taichi was running around and dealing with the details of everyone else’s life and happiness, all he really wanted deep within was someone to take care of him? A task that Yamato was more than happy to take up. Taichi was a marvel to him. A beautiful study in contrasts. The blonde musician couldn’t get enough of him, couldn’t be close to him too much.

Yamato purred in the back of his throat, brushed the tips of his fingers along the curve of Taichi’s cheek. "Love you, koibito . . . "

There was a reply, but it was said in near-sleep and was thus distant and garbled, issued from a hazy state of satisfied happiness. Stroking back Taichi’s hair once more before he himself drifted away, Yamato reflected in distant amazement that he didn’t have to actually hear Taichi’s words in order to understand him. He knew Taichi’s heart and feelings. He’d always known, even back when they were kids and he didn’t want to admit it.

Nothing had really changed except that now instead of not admitting their feelings to each other, they were keeping silent about their relationship to the rest of the world. They went through their days pretending to be nothing more than friends, laughing and playing and arguing with each other as they had always done. As everyone expected them to. Yamato, the cool artistic loner. Taichi, the outgoing slightly-dumb jock. They both played their parts with a precision that could only come from practice, careful to quell any longing looks that might have passed between them. Forcing themselves to not touch, to not be pushed into situations where they might have to interact any more than what was required for two friends who had helped save the world several times over.

It was stressful, but they did it. They had never agreed to the arrangement; their actions were the result of a conversation unspoken but absolutely understood. If there was any sadness or anxiety within either boy’s soul over their double lives, they each hid it very well. From each other and from themselves.

*****************

Chapter One:  Feel the Storm

As Taichi stepped into the apartment where he lived with his parents and sister, the first thing that greeted him were the sounds of serious and intense conversation coming from the kitchen. Furrowing his brow in concern, the young man shut the door behind him, dropped his pack, and kicked his shoes off, noticing as he did that his younger sister was standing in the doorway to their bedroom. She looked small and worried, arms tightly wrapped around herself, her troubled auburn eyes gazing at their parents. They were the ones talking, and as Taichi came further into the apartment, he saw that his mother was in the kitchen proper, while his father sat at the table, temples cradled in his hands.

Alarmed, Taichi looked questioningly at Hikari, but a small shake of her head warned him not to speak up.

" . . . all that time in college that he paid for and for what?" the Yagami patriarch was saying, his voice a low and disappointed tone that Taichi had never quite heard him use before. "Gone and wasted. It’s a disgrace. Not just to Tokuji, but to the entire family."

Taichi didn’t catch much of that, but he shot his sister another look, this one more concerned, as the name of his uncle was mentioned. Something was wrong in the family? She implored him to stay quiet with just her eyes, but Taichi ignored the request. He needed to know what was wrong, needed to know so that he could try and fix it, because that was the type of person that Taichi was. His family was important to him, and he was very protective of it. Clearing his throat to alert his parents to his presence, the young man spoke up.

"Tousan, what’s wrong? Has something happened to Uncle Tokuji?"

His father looked up with dark eyes whose color mirrored his own, but there was little of the usual warmth reflected in them today. Rather there was simply a sad sort of defeat that struck Taichi as hard as any blow could have. This was not the way his father usually was. Taichi had inherited a great deal of his cheer and exuberance from his sire, and although the elder Yagami male had mellowed a great deal in his adult years, there was still almost always a feeling of good nature around him. Like his son, he was quick with a smile or a laugh.

That was not the case today. Taichi had never seen his father look so upset, so beaten down. Whatever happened was obviously very serious. An accident, or a death, or . . . The brunette quickly thought of his uncle’s family. Aunt Atsuko who was always so thoughtful and caring that she seemed more like a doting grandmother than an aunt. His older cousin Akitoshi, a lot like Taichi himself in that he was outgoing and headstrong, with the trademark Yagami flash and cheerfulness. Pretty little Kia who, at six months younger than Hikari, was still the baby of the family. And of course, Tokuji himself. A misplaced chill went through Taichi’s body at the mere thought of anything happening to any of them.

"Where have you been, Taichi?" the elder Yagami asked with a heavy sigh of disappointment, obviously directed at his son. The boy’s eyes widened in surprise, as he hadn’t expected that question at all. In fact, it seemed so out of the blue that he had trouble processing it. Had he done something wrong? Was his father upset with him for some reason?

"Na . . . ?"

"Ananta . . . " Taichi’s mother broke in carefully, keeping her voice patiently neutral. She was busily engaged in preparing dinner, apparently not participating in the conversation unless it was absolutely required. Even now she didn’t exactly look up from the steaming noodles she was draining. She simply glanced over her shoulder once. "Taichi slept over at the Ishidas. I told you that last night."

Yagami-san didn’t appear to be mollified by his wife’s reminder, and in fact the look that he gave Taichi was slightly accusing beneath the heavy hang of sadness over his countenance. He paused for a moment and his eyes searched his son as if he were looking for some sort of fault, but then he sighed again and looked away. "It’s very nearly dinnertime. You should have been home long before this. Especially now, what with all this going on. I would have thought that you had more sense than that."

Taichi wisely kept to himself that he couldn’t have known there was some sort of crisis occurring if he had been away, nor did he bring up the fact that someone could have called him. Instead, he lifted his hands in a helpless gesture. "Gomen, Tousan. Please, what happened? Is someone hurt? Was there an accident?"

"You want to know what’s wrong? I’ll tell you what’s wrong!" his father decided, the split-second temper that Taichi had also inherited from him showing through. He shoved his chair back so that he could get up and stalk around the small livingroom area, using quick darting movements that clearly spoke of anger. Watching him, Taichi began to get a sinking feeling in his gut that he didn’t understand. Obviously this wasn’t a death or accident, because such a thing would have been met with primarily sadness and sorrow, not necessarily with anger. No, this was something wrong in a much different way, and though he did not yet know what it was, Taichi began to get nervous regardless, a misplaced shiver going up his back.

"It’s Akitoshi. He’s left school and run off," the elder Yagami finally said after several passes through the room, obviously steeling himself to deliver the real bomb to his son. He paused and fixed a dark expression on the boy. "With another man."

Taichi’s mouth dropped open in surprise. That was the last thing he’d expected. Akitoshi was gay?! It took him a few minutes to process that notion, to run it around in his head along with memories of his older cousin who had delighted in picking on him when he was little, who had taught him how to properly peel hard boiled eggs, who had come to his soccer games to cheer him on when he was still in high school. He had been one of the first family members, aside from their parents, to greet Taichi and Hikari when they returned from the Digital World after defeating Apocalymon, welcoming them back with huge hugs and words of fond praise.

After the initial shock wore off, Taichi wanted to smile. That he had left college was sobering news, as Akitoshi had made grand plans to go into business, to follow in his father’s footsteps. But if he was happy with his lover, then of course Tai wished him all the best. In fact, he wondered how he could possibly go about getting a hold of him so that he could ensure him of his continued love and support. His uncle and parents might not know where he was, but surely his friends at school . . .

"It certainly is a shame," the Yagami matriarch said with a heavy sigh, speaking up only because her husband was shooting expectant glances at his children as he paced and seemed to require some sort of acknowledgment to his announcement.

"A shame?!" Taichi’s father replied incredulously, stopping abruptly to regard his wife with disbelief. "It’s not just a shame, it’s a damn disgrace. A disgrace to the entire family." He paused for a moment as he sank back into his chair and dropped his head into his hands again. "And such a waste. Akitoshi had so much potential, and he blew it all. Frankly, it’s probably a good thing that Tokuji told him to leave. I don’t know if I could stand to look at the boy again."

Taichi intercepted his father’s words and was hit by their meaning full force. Stunned, his stomach felt like it was on fire and being twisted at the same time. He had not known that his father felt that way about homosexuals, that he would rather lose a close nephew than see him again after finding out he was gay. Numbness welled up within him slowly, as he looked at his sire, at the expression of disappointment and shame on his face, and realized for the first time that he would not have a familial base of support when the time came to reveal his own orientation. Taichi had always thought that, while his parents might be upset, they would ultimately love him enough to not condemn him. The knowledge that he might be wrong caused the young man to inwardly reel with a stark and profound hurt.

Behind him, Hikari pressed closer, her small touch warm against the chilled surface of his back. She felt her brother shaking, felt his shortness of breath and the way that his arms tensed as he tightened his hands into fists. Empathically, she sensed his new uncertainty and confusion. Though the girl was also extremely surprised by their father’s attitude, she knew that the blow was ten fold worse for Taichi.

 Dinner was almost done. Taichi and Hikari’s mother had concentrated almost solely on her task while her husband spoke, knowing it would only aggravate him further if she tried to interrupt. Most of the time he was a sane, sensible and loving man, and although she sometimes missed the wild teenager she’d fallen in love with, she appreciated his stability and respected his opinions. But this? Personally, she thought it was rather silly, and she plainly saw how his attitude was worrying the children. They were both very fond of their cousin, after all, it was only natural that they find their normally easy-going father’s closed-mindedness upsetting. Taichi in particular was looking pale, while Hikari stayed huddled behind her brother’s back, just as she had when they were younger. Sensing the need to bring things back to normal, the family matriarch addressed her children.

"Hikari-chan, would you please set the table? Taichi-kun . . . " She paused as she looked at him, noticing that he seemed far more stricken than the situation really called for. He had cast his gaze down to the floor and looked quite simply beaten, as if his father’s words had been actual physical blows. She reflected that he’d always been a sensitive child, as much so as Hikari in some respects, only he kept that aspect of his personality mostly hidden behind grins and silly behavior because he was a boy. Perhaps he was just upset over this news about his cousin, but something maternal in Mrs. Yagami’s heart was telling her that it probably wasn’t nearly that simple.

"Taichi-kun, why don’t you go get washed up?" she finished, not sure what she could do at this point, and watched with concern as the teenager glanced up with a vague nod and turned to make his way to the bath, his steps uncharacteristically leaden. She looked to see if her husband noticed, but he was obviously still too wrapped up in what he saw as a family disgrace to pay attention to the boy. With a sigh, she tried to put it out of her mind, trusting her son to take care of himself as he always did, and turned to give Hikari a stack of plates to set the table with.

 *****************

Taichi lay on the lower half of the bunk that he shared with his sister, the side of his face pressed into a pillow. The room was darkened, with only the city lights from outside shining in through the balcony door to offer illumination, but that didn’t matter much as he wasn’t particularly interested in looking at anything. The only reason his eyes were even open was that it almost seemed too much of an effort to close them. Curled into a tight ball at the curve of his stomach, Meeko the cat rested, purring, and he automatically ran his fingers over her head, skritching gently. From beyond the closed door of the room came the muted sounds of television and his father and mother’s occasional terse comments about what they were watching. The uncomfortable weight that had descended on the family since his father’s comment was still there, but things were slowly returning to normal for everyone in the household.

For everyone except Taichi.

Dinner had been a trial. He’d forced himself to eat and not get nauseous, trying desperately to pretend that the security he’d always felt within his own family hadn’t just evaporated. He stayed quiet, worried that he’d say something he’d regret by giving voice to the arguments and pained protests that were battling each other for attention in his head. He worried about his cousin’s welfare and dwelled on how unfair it was that he had been shunned by the family simply for being who he was. And Taichi did his best not to look at his father, fearing the new empty feeling in his own heart for the man who’d raised him, the man whose simple words had unknowingly ruined and labeled the one thing that meant the most to Taichi in the world.

His relationship with Yamato. Their love and the comfort that they found in each other. To have something so good - something that felt so right - stripped down to the basics of right or wrong and reduced to a disgrace was almost more than Taichi could stomach. He wanted to stand up and shout objections at his father. He wanted to run as fast and as far as he could. He wanted to hit something. He wanted to call Yamato, cradle the phone close to his ear and simply drown in the low melodious tones of his lover’s voice.

Instead, he lay in the bed, looked at nothing, and felt a tired weight of bitterness descend onto him. It was as if he were being pressed, as if mere movement would hurt. Even his thoughts were bogged and sluggish, but he did think. He thought and he wondered and he worried. Akitoshi had left school to be with the person he loved. He had given up his ambitions and his family all at the same time. Was that what lay ahead for him and Yamato? Did being together mean that they would have to turn their backs on all the other things that were important, the way Akitoshi had?

Yamato wanted to be a musician. He had a wonderful voice which Taichi simply adored listening to. He would often go by the school auditorium after classes, under the pretense of meeting Yamato to do homework together, simply to stand at the back and listen to the beautiful blonde sing and play. It filled Taichi’s heart with love and admiration to hear that perfect combination of Yamato’s voice and the low vibrating rhythm he plucked out on his bass. Yamato had tremendous talent, and he had ambition. He could go all the way to the top. He had a father who was supportive of his dreams, and a younger brother who loved and idolized him.

Would he forfeit his father and brother if they found out he had a male lover?

Taichi was a soccer player. He was center forward and the best striker on the high school level team. He’d already been approached by a couple different recruiters from corporations interested in sponsoring a new young player in the J-League, and by an American Soccer League coach from Seattle. There was an obvious future for him in the sport, and Taichi loved to play. He was in charge during the game, confident of every move he made. Running was almost meditative for him and he naturally possessed the quick darting reflexes needed to make split-second decisions on the field. His family supported his abilities. There was shining pride in his father’s eyes whenever another professional or recruiter spoke to him about his son, a pride Taichi never saw any other time.

But all that would change, wouldn’t it, if he came out about his relationship with Yamato? He could almost envision the future in his mind, could practically taste the rejection he would be sure to receive from his father like coppery blood in his mouth.

Taichi rolled slowly onto his back, ignoring Meeko’s huff at being disturbed. He pressed the back of his wrist to his forehead and gazed at the bottom of the top bunk without seeing it. Slowly he began to realize how shortsighted he and Yamato were being; pretending during the day to be nothing more than friends, while their occasional nights together were filled with passion. Were they really only setting themselves up for pain? Trying to hide his love for Yamato would surely only get harder and harder as time wore on. Not only would their careers carry them in different directions, geographically away from each other and make it that much more difficult to be together, but musicians and athletes were both kinds of celebrities, constantly in the public eye. They would always be hiding, always fighting to sneak time together. Taichi found himself imagining Yamato moving his schedule around so that he would be able to tour in cities where Taichi happened to be playing, or visa versa . . . all for a few stolen hours together. Endless months would stretch between the times that they could see each other.

How long would they be able to carry on like that, realistically? Could love continue under those types of conditions?

And, at the other end of the spectrum, what if they did make their feelings for each other known? What if they told their family and friends? Taichi didn’t know about Yamato’s father or Takeru, but he already knew what would happen when he told his own father if this evening’s revelation meant anything. Obviously, at the very least he’d be disowned. What if the same thing happened to Yamato? Would they be able to continue on with only each other after their loved ones rejected them? What about their futures? How far would Yamato be able to go if his school-girl fan base found out he was gay? What would happen to Taichi’s sponsorship offers?

There were too many questions. Too much uncertainty. Taichi didn’t like that, he didn’t like things he couldn’t have direct control over, things he couldn’t connive, sweet talk, or force to his own way of thinking. Not having a tight hold of the reins made Taichi feel as though he were constantly in danger of falling off. There was only one aspect of his life where he freely gave himself up, and that was in his relationship with Yamato. It was the single one place that he could escape to, where he didn’t have to always be strong, be a leader, or be sure of himself. In Yamato’s embrace, he gladly surrendered all of that, and Yamato was more than willing to take over. The blonde’s love was as much a retreat as it was a joy.

Did that all have to come to an end?

Anger shimmered just below the uncertainty, and Taichi could feel a trembling numbness in each of his joints. This was all too unfair. Why should he be forced to chose between his family and the boy he loved? Why did it seem as if the future would have to suffer for him to be with Yamato?

The door to the bedroom opened just enough to allow Hikari to slip in before shutting again. She stood for a moment and gazed at her brother’s dark form, shadowed on the lower bunk with a soft inward sigh. The girl had always equated Taichi with strength and comfort; he’d taken care of her for as long as she could remember, and had rarely faltered in his duty or conviction. But right now . . . right now her older brother did not seem strong. He looked lost and alone in the darkness. His expression was open and soft, a touch of sadness and anger painted to it. Hikari felt her heart twist sympathetically as she realized just how much damage a few wrongly placed words could do to a person.

"Oniichan . . . " she said quietly, venturing forward. Taichi looked at her, his body jumping a bit, as if he hadn’t realized that she’d entered the room. As she came closer, she saw him hurriedly raising his normal masks, tacking control and strength into place like shields in front of himself. It was strange, Hikari thought to herself as he sat up, pushed the cat away, and faced her with one of his usual smiles. Most people thought that Taichi was so open, so free with his feelings and emotions. She realized that simply wasn’t true. He actually used cheerfulness and energy to wall himself off, just as surely as another might use coolness, distance, or anger.

"What’s up, Hikari-chan?" he asked lightly as she sat beside him on the bed.

"Are you okay?" Hikari already knew what the answer would be, but she asked anyway because he was her brother, and she loved him and was concerned about him and what their father’s unexpected prejudice might do to Taichi’s relationship with Yamato. Hikari was privileged to be the only person outside the two boys themselves who knew about what was going on, and she’d been honored and touched by Taichi’s trust on that evening not so long ago when he’d confided in her.

Just as she expected, he nodded, engaging a shrug and a grin. "Yeah. No big deal, ne?"

"I think it’s a pretty big deal, Oniichan," she replied in what she hoped was a sensible tone, reaching out to rest her hand on his leg. She wasn’t about to let him brush this all off as nothing, not when the memory of how he trembled as they stood before their father was still fresh in her mind. "Maybe you should call Yamato?"

He gave her a look that said her suggestion was just plain silly. "What for?"

Hikari frowned. "So you can tell him what happened this evening. So you two can discuss things."

Taichi swung his legs around, placing his feet on the floor and standing. He went to the balcony door to look out at the lights of Odaiba, physically and mentally retreating from her. "There ain’t nothing to discuss, Hikari-chan. Nothing’s changed. Besides, Yamato’s got that school concert coming up next month and he needs to concentrate on getting ready for that. He doesn’t have the time to think about nonsense that don’t matter, and I’m not going to bother him with it."

"He wouldn’t think of it as a bother, Taichi." Hikari stood too, stepping up behind him and looking pointedly at his reflection in the dark glass of the balcony door. Since he was turned away from her and probably didn’t realize that she could see him, he’d let his facade drop, and his moody amber eyes were heavy gravity pools in his shadowy mirror image.

There was uncertainty in his expression, and although Hikari had seen such on his face before - many times when they were in the Digital World and faced with unknown dangers, for example - this was a special look. Something he reserved especially for situations which involved Yamato. She remembered the expression chiefly from when the team split up, when Yamato had walked away from the rest of them to look for the meaning within himself, and Taichi simply stood there, unable to do anything except watch. It was the face of someone who was hurt and lost without his normal pillar of stability, but who knew there was nothing to be done for it.

It made Hikari ache inside to see and sense those feelings within her brother again, to know that their father had planted seeds within Taichi’s soul which could easily grow into strangulating vines. Such a precious relationship like what he shared with Yamato might easily choke on uncertainty and fear. Hikari did not want to see that, did not want her brother to lose the strength he drew from Yamato’s presence in his life. She knew that what they had was beautiful, even though she’d never seen them together as a couple. She knew, because Taichi had never been as content and happy in his life as he’d been since it began. She’d never sensed such a sparkle of Light within him as the one that seemed to burst forth whenever Yamato’s name was mentioned. This -was- something incredible and special, perhaps even predestined in some way having to do with their roles in the Digital World. The genders involved simply did not matter.

Hikari touched his elbow and leaned her head against his arm, feeling him stiffen at her presence. "Oniichan . . . " she said softly, meeting his heavy eyes in the reflection on the glass. Her handsome, compelling brother of wonderful contradiction. How she loved him! She didn’t want to see him shattered, she did not want him to slowly lose something so important to him . . . "Be strong. Don’t let tousan’s words poison you inside."

Taichi blinked slowly as he digested the quiet order from his sister, and the word she’d used . . . poison . . . Was that what this was, this yawning uncertainty that was slowly filling him the more he thought about what his father had said? Something acidic that might slowly eat away everything inside if he allowed it to?

He didn’t like that thought. In fact, he realized suddenly that he downright resented it! He’d never been a conformist before, had never worried much about what other people thought. So why was he letting it affect him now? He was stronger than that, wasn’t he? He’d already faced so many dangers and fears and darkness in his young life, what was this to him? Never mind that the uncertainty came this time from within the security of his own family, it was a simply one more of Life’s lessons and challenges, one more bridge to cross before he could blow it up, one more test of his character and his faith in the strength of Yamato’s friendship, love, and their relationship.

The simmering anger that he’d been feeling began to reach a boil. How dare the world he’d saved repeatedly try to tell him who he could love! He was Courage! Whatever pain or strife the future wanted to bring, he’d face it with his eyes wide open and without flinching. Kami-sama! He’d looked a Dark Master dead on with only his digimon partner at his side. This was nothing in comparison, and Taichi swore that he would not stand idly by again while the boy he loved was drawn away from him by influences from the outside. He would not let words hurt him. He would not allow others to think for him.

Taichi shifted, drawing away from Hikari. "No, Hikari-chan. I won’t. I won’t let it poison me," he said firmly and lowly, curling his hand into a fist. She could hear the newly reattached conviction in his voice, looked at his mirror image again and saw that his brow was furrowed in a determined scowl, and that there was a fierce liveliness in his dark amber eyes once more. He lifted his hand and thumped it firmly against the glass of the balcony door, causing their reflections to shiver. "I won’t!" he repeated through gritted teeth.

There! That was the oniichan she loved and depended on! That was the Taichi whom she knew could overcome any obstacles and whom would protect his relationship with Yamato with pride and fierce loyalty. He just needed a little metaphorical kick in the rear every now and then and, as his sister, she was always glad to oblige.

Hikari smiled and stepped forward to hug him, sliding her arms around his slim waist. Taichi wrapped his arm around her shoulders in return and pulled her close against him in a grateful brotherly embrace, inwardly reflecting that she’d always had a knack for saying exactly what he needed to hear to get him thinking in the proper directions. Together they stood for a long while, gazed out at the city lights and tried to put the disturbing incident before dinner out of their minds, shoving their father’s words aside in favor of the usual DigiDestined idyllic optimism.

Deep down inside, perhaps they both recognized Taichi’s bluster for the gratefully seized retreat that it actually was. But, for the moment, it was better to not think of the uncertainty that the future might bring with it when it rolled around.

********************

Chapter Two:  At the Edge of the Road

"Hold on, I’ll be there in just a minute!" Sora called over her shoulder to her waiting double’s partner. She turned reddish-brown eyes back to Taichi, who was standing on the other side of the chain link fence that surrounded the high school tennis courts.

"So, what’s the problem?" Taichi asked, his tone one of interested concern, even though he did look a tad bleary. It was still early, school hadn’t even begun yet, and Sora knew that Taichi usually didn’t leave his folk’s apartment until he absolutely had to. They didn’t have any opportunities to talk during the school day itself, however, since they were in completely different groups, so this was really the only time available to spare. She appreciated him coming by to see her.

She also had to smile inwardly at how rumpled he looked, with the dark blue jacket of his uniform habitually left open, his white shirt untucked, school bag slung carelessly over his shoulder, and hair going every which way. It was a wonder that he could get away with looking like that in school, though she suspected that it had something to do with his renown on the soccer field. They might have argued the point, but everyone knew that teachers often let the star athletes get away with infractions that other students would have been called to task on. Taichi was lucky he had that going for him, since his grades were anything but stellar.

Sora got her mind back on the task at hand, resisting the urge to go around the fence and fuss with his uniform and hair. Sometimes it was hard to remember that she didn’t have an obligation to mother him anymore, especially when he looked adorably rumpled like that. Instead, she lifted a hand to grip the links of the fence while she idly tapped her racket against the side of her leg.

"The problem is that for the last three Sundays, we’ve gone to talks and medical seminars. And yes, it’s interesting most of the time, and yes, I know that Jyou likes to do that kind of thing, but that’s really not the way that I want to spend every weekend, you know?"

Taichi nodded, stifling a yawn born both of getting up too early after a night of restless sleep and the mere thought of attending medical seminars with Jyou. "I don’t blame ya. I can’t think of anything less thrilling." He considered for a moment, idly skritching his cheek and gazing out across the tennis court in an unfocused manner. "Have you tried telling him that?"

Sora sighed heavily, leaning her shoulder against the fence. "I’ve mentioned it a couple of times, but you know how Jyou is. He gets so focused on studying, taking classes, and attending these things, that he can’t pay attention to anything else, and really Taichi . . . " she paused for a moment, trying to decide how she should put this. She didn’t want to come off as one of those fawning females that she’d always hated, giving into their men at every turn. But . . . "I don’t want to hurt him. I know all those seminars are important to his future, and I don’t have the heart to tell him that I’m just not that interested."

"That’s nice, but not very fair to you, don’t you think?" Taichi replied, frowning a bit at the auburn haired girl. Back in the Digital World, she wouldn’t have hesitated to make her opinion known, but Sora had softened a lot as they got older. It was nice that she was being considerate of Jyou’s feelings, but not if it was at her own expense. "C’mon, Sora. Missing one or two or these things ain’t going to ruin his future career plans. If you don’t sit him down and make him listen, he’s gonna think that you don’t mind going, and after being dragged to too many more of those yawn-fests, you’ll start feeling resentful, and that’ll just end up ruining everything."

Sora blinked at him, a little surprised to hear such insight coming from him. She’d just wanted to gripe at someone she trusted, she hadn’t expected him to give her any practical advice. Sora thought about it and realized that, yes, she probably -would- start to resent Jyou after only a couple more weekends, and that would likely be the ruin of their fledgling relationship.

And, that was the last thing she wanted. After unsuccessful practice runs with both Taichi and Yamato, the young Keeper of the Crest of Love was ready for something serious and lasting, and she had a feeling that Jyou might be just what she was looking for. That very notion had come as a shock to her when he first approached her, more jittery than she’d ever seen him. But, amazingly, the more she went out with him, the more she found herself attracted to him. To his steadfast loyalty and compassion, to his intelligence, and even to his perpetual jumpiness. If only she could get him to lighten up a little, to not focus so much on his career that he forgot how to enjoy himself now and then . . .

Her thoughts trailed off as she noticed that Taichi was fidgeting. She hadn’t answered him, and he looked a tad worried over her prolonged silence, wondering if maybe his take on the situation was flawed. When she met his eyes again, he chuckled sort of nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh . . . maybe not?" he asked lamely.

Sora smiled, eyes sparkling fondly at the boy. "No, you’re right, Taichi-kun. You’re absolutely right. I’ll talk to him, and see if I can’t get him to go to a movie or something this weekend, instead of another seminar. There’s one I’ve really been wanting to see, and I dropped hints, but he obviously didn’t pick up on any of them."

"Oh yeah? Which movie?" Glad that he’d helped, even though he thought that he’d just pointed out the obvious, Taichi leaned against the chain link, stifling another yawn. He had been up too early after a uneasy night, and the morning sunshine was just making him feel warm and fuzzy. Well, that and the subject of their conversation. While Taichi really didn’t mind being used as a sounding board, the very notion of attending medical seminars with Jyou made him sleepy. Gah. If circumstances hadn’t made them friends, and if Taichi was the type who’d actually do such a thing, he would have been obligated as a jock to whomp the snot outta Jyou simply for being so geeky and terminally dull.

"Majikku Ai," Sora replied with a slight blush. It was a typical girl-type of movie that a couple years ago she wouldn’t have been caught dead at, but lately she’d found herself more and more interested in such things. She expected a grimace or look of playful disgust from Taichi, but instead he surprised her by smiling engagingly. His eyes sparkled as he focused on something distant, and she could almost see the sweet play of some nice memory through his mind. Strange . . . Sora wondered what had prompted that.

"That’s a good movie, you’ll like it," Taichi said absently, pushing himself away from the fence as the early bell rang from the school building on the far side of the courts and soccer fields. Sora stared at him, rather startled, barely catching herself before her mouth dropped open. -Taichi- had been to see a girl-flick? He didn’t seem to take note of her astonishment. Instead he shook his head to wake himself, shrugged his book bag onto his shoulder and gave her a bright appealing smile. Pure Taichi.

"I gotta go. Ja na, Sora-kun!"

Sora watched curiously as he trotted away, his energy apparently having been kick-started out of nowhere, dark hair bobbing, the open sides of his uniform jacket being caught and fluttered by the brisk morning breeze. She bit her lower lip thoughtfully. As far as she was aware, Taichi hadn’t seriously dated anyone since the few times he and Sora herself had gone out in junior high, even though she knew lots of girls who adored him and thought he was handsome, and of course, being the school soccer star only added to his desirability. Some of the bolder girls had even approached him, only to be turned away, but leaving soothed by his friendly charm. Taichi always took their attentions in stride, but at the same time seemed genuinely surprised that they were interested.

However, if he had actually seen Majikku Ai, then that simply had to mean he was dating someone, because surely no guy like Taichi would go to see that sort of romantic movie without a girl on his arm.

The Keeper of the Crest of Love smiled to herself, feeling a little surge of brightness in her chest. So, Taichi finally had a girlfriend! And judging by the nice smile and expression on his face when he remembered the movie, this girl was obviously someone he liked a great deal. Perhaps someone sweet and kind who had managed to break through all of the soccer plays and Digital World concerns that were normally muddling up the wild haired boy’s mind to catch his romantic attention. That was wonderful and Sora was filled with happiness for her oldest and dearest friend, but now she was absolutely burning with the desire to know who had managed to snag him.

She was going to have to ask around and see if anyone knew.

**********************

Sora got the perfect opportunity to start grilling people about Taichi’s possible relationship several hours later. Her third subject of the day was delayed due to the instructor arriving late, and it just so happened that Sora had an assigned seat in her classroom right next to the one person in the entire school who would know about Taichi’s love life, if anyone did.

"Yamato," she called quietly to get his attention, turning in her seat to face him. All around the room, students were beginning to talk amongst themselves, some even getting up to form little groups here and there around the class. A couple were taking the opportunity to get a little more studying in before the teacher finally showed up, and that seemed to be what Yamato was doing. He had a textbook out on his desk and was eying it with distant disdain as it told him all about the political history of the Edo Period.

When Sora said his name, he looked up and over at her, sapphirine eyes questioning. The auburn haired girl couldn’t help a small inward sigh. She knew darn well that things just hadn’t been right between her and Yamato; she’d felt like she was dating a brother rather than a boyfriend, and he had admitted a similar discomfort. So, it was kind of irking that his incredibly blue eyes could still invoke a fluttering reaction in her stomach whenever they happened to catch the light just right, as they were doing now. The day was streaming in through the windows in perfect square shafts and his eyes seemed to be reflecting every photon of sunlight that hit them.

Sora supposed that the reaction was much like her impulse to straighten Taichi’s jacket and fuss with his hair. Ingrained behavior that it was going to take a while to grow out of. Or perhaps it was the Crest of Love, reacting in different ways to the different men in her life. Maternal toward Taichi. Longing toward Yamato. Dang it all, why couldn’t Jyou have eyes like that?

"Hai, Sora-chan?" Yamato prompted, since she seemed to have drifted into her own thoughts. Sora blinked a couple of times and smiled at him, looking rather embarrassed. Cripes, how swallow was she being, wishing Jyou had Yamato’s eyes? Jyou was just right the way he was.

"Sorry. Just got off track there for a moment." She leaned forward a little more. "Ne, Yamato-kun. Let me ask you a question. Is Taichi seeing anyone that you know of?"

His reaction to her question was not what she would have expected. Normally, Yamato didn’t let much of anything phase him, from an unexpected calculus test to the next great threat to the Digital World. And if it did phase him, he was usually pretty careful not to let that show. Which was why Sora found it curious that his eyes first widened in a most definite startled expression, and then narrowed as he looked away from her and back down at the book in front of him.

"Why?" he asked, with a touch of ice to his voice that Sora was rather put off to hear. What on earth was his problem? It was almost as if he were ready to turn on her if she gave the wrong answer. Usually he only used that sort of tone when he was in one of his darker moods, or escalating into a confrontation, normally with Taichi. So, why was Yamato being hostile toward her? Was it because the question concerned Taichi? Maybe they’d had a fight she hadn’t heard about . . . Those two couldn’t get along to save their lives, how they managed to stay best friends was beyond her.

She frowned at him. "Why? Because I want to know, that’s why. He mentioned something this morning about having seen this movie that I know is a romantic chick-flick, and Taichi is just not the type of guy who would actually go to see something like that on his own. So, I figured he must be dating someone, and I want to find out who. You’re his best friend," she reminded pointedly. "Do you know?"

Yamato relaxed visibly, and when he did, Sora was a little surprised to realize exactly how tensed up he’d been. Curious. What had she hit on here?

"Iie, I don’t know anything about it. And if he didn’t tell you, then he probably doesn’t want you to know either," Yamato replied, voice falling into his familiar mellow pitch once more. If he was a little more careful not to meet her eyes than usual, Sora didn’t particularly notice. She was too busy mulling over his answer.

"Well, why not? If he’s found himself a nice girl, that’s not anything to be ashamed about, and I’d be really glad to see him dating again at last. It’s been a very long time since he and I were serious, and he hasn’t had anyone since then."

Yamato shrugged, turning a page in his book. "You know how Taichi is about things like that. He gets embarrassed. Just leave him be, Sora-chan. If he wants to tell us, then he will. Otherwise it’s none of our business."

Sora gave him a bit of an exasperated glare. What a typically male response . . . no, a typically -Yamato- response. Whether they fought like wet cats or not, Taichi was still his best friend, didn’t Yamato even care what was going on with him? And yet . . . Sora chewed on her lower lip for a moment. Yamato -had- reacted strangely to her question in the first place, almost as if it had been a threat of some sort. So, he did care . . . at least, he cared about some aspect of Taichi’s possible relationship. But what?

She didn’t have too much time to ponder, unfortunately, because the girl occupying the seat in front of her turned and eagerly started to question. "Sora-chan! Did I hear you say that Taichi has a girlfriend?"

"Yagami-kun is seeing someone?" The girl in front of Yamato also turned and jumped into the conversation. They were just two of the many parties interested in Taichi, although they tended to moon after any boy who happened to be the hot topic on any given day. Regardless, Taichi had a reputation for being sweet, but unattainable, so hearing that he might have a girlfriend was major news indeed.

"Well, I don’t know for sure, but I think he might be," Sora replied, then explained why, telling them about how Taichi had mentioned that he’d seen Majikku Ai. By the time she’d finished, two more girls had gathered close and the entire group agreed that a guy like Taichi would never see a movie like that unless he was with someone special.

"But I haven’t heard anyone say anything about Taichi-san seeing someone," one of the girls pointed out. "I mean, if anyone was going with him, that would be really hot gossip, but no one has mentioned it."

"If I was going out with Taichi, I’d want everyone to know!" another chirped.

"Maybe he’s seeing a girl from a different school."

Sora blinked thoughtfully, running that one through her head. It was possible. "I hadn’t considered that. You might be right, Yuka-chan."

"How terrible! One of the sexiest, most eligible guys in this school and he’s been snatched up by an outsider!" the girl in front of Yamato wailed dramatically. The group of girls all sighed and agreed simultaneously that it was simply not fair.

"Hai . . . he’s so cute! I wish he would have been interested in going out with me," another whined softly. She was one of the bold girls who had actually approached Taichi with the offer of a date. He had acted genuinely surprised and even a little confused about the attention, but was very sweet and gracious when turning her down, flashing her a brilliant smile that had seemed made for her alone.

"You were very forward to have asked him, Kyoku-chan. Maybe he doesn’t like that kind of girl," Yuka said in a rather prim tone that indicated that she thought such aggressiveness was the height of tacky.

"What do you mean by that?!"

The girl in front of Yamato rested her elbow on the back of her chair and leaned her cheek into her hand. "Such pretty eyes. They’re so kind and soft looking. And when he runs down the field . . . he just moves so nicely . . . " The other girls agreed and everyone sighed again, wistfully and regretfully.

"Well, at least his hot bod isn’t going to waste anymore," Kyoku said matter-of-factly. "Someone is enjoying it, even if it isn’t one of us. Frankly, that’s a relief."

Everyone knew exactly what she meant, but one of the girls was indelicate enough to actually say it out loud. "Hai, I was starting to worry that he was gay or something."

That caused the group to titter with amusement, but there was an undercurrent of nervousness to it. Most of the girls in school had wondered that about Taichi at one time or another, since it was almost ridiculous that he could turn down everyone who approached him, and that he seemed more interested in soccer than in going out with someone nice. He was such a jock, though. So energetic and wild and athletic. It simply didn’t seem possible that he could be "like that", so the idea was usually quickly dismissed.

And this time was no different. "Oh, don’t be silly, Naoko-chan. Yagami-kun is not gay!" the little dark haired snip in front of Yamato said firmly, obviously insulted that the other girl would dare besmirch the guy she was crushing on.

"Hardly," Sora put in, reminding them all that she had gone out with Taichi, even if it had been several years ago. She thought about it though, as the other girls continued to talk and gossip, uncomfortably considering Naoko’s suggestion. As open as he was with his feelings otherwise, Taichi had never acted very demonstrative toward her when they were officially dating. Certainly, he’d been friendly and bouncy - his usual self - but he’d never shown any sort of affection that wasn’t what he’d have offered otherwise. Nor had he ever kissed her, except for a couple of times that she could recall, and those had both been strictly on the cheek.

Well, she told herself, they had been younger then. Less expert in the dealings of teenage relationships. If she were dating him now, no doubt he’d be far more romantic and at ease. After all, he’d taken a girl to see Majikku Ai. That right there said a lot. Of course, as she pounced on that line of thought, Sora completely and conveniently forgot about the fact that it wasn’t confirmed that Taichi had taken anyone to see the movie. All she really knew was that he’d seen it himself.

It was simply far more comfortable to believe that he’d gone with a girl on his arm.

**********************

While the girls giggled and gossiped about Taichi around him, Yamato stared unseeing at the history book laid out on his desk and quietly seethed.

He wanted to stand up and swat them away like the buzzing little irritants that they were, tell them to get lives and stop prying into other people’s business. Just as he always did whenever he heard some girl in the hallways sigh and daydream about Taichi, Yamato had to fight down the desire to not so politely inform them that Taichi was his, and that they’d better back off if they knew what was good for them.

Ishida Yamato tended to be very jealous when it came to his wild haired lover.

It was a bad trait and an unreasonable reaction. Yamato knew that it was. Those girls were all just extraneous players that occasionally moved in and out of Taichi’s life, none of them mattered in the least and Taichi couldn’t have been less interested in any of them. Being a musician, Yamato had more than his own share of admirers and fan girls hanging around, he understood how it was.

But all his life the people that he’d loved had either left or were taken from him, and as a result it took a very long time for Yamato to relax and open up to anyone new, but once he had - he hung on tightly. Refused to let go. That conditioned possessiveness had led to problems as Takeru grew up and looked for his own independence, but holding fast to what was his was deeply ingrained in Yamato’s nature. He didn’t want to be hurt again, and he didn’t want to lose another person who meant so much to him.

Thus, his reaction to Sora’s initial question about whether or not Taichi was seeing someone. Yamato knew he’d responded badly, he’d let his jealousy and protectiveness spring to the surface long enough to alert Sora that something was up. He was still chastising himself mentally for being so reactive, but he couldn’t help it. His first thought when she asked, was that she was looking to get Taichi back for herself, and his first instinct had been to jump forward to defend what was his.

Yamato realized now that he had been silly, Sora was thick with Jyou right now and their relationship seemed pretty stable. She wasn’t going after Taichi again. However, it didn’t help his disposition any to have to sit there and listen to all of Sora’s annoying little friends talk about wanting Taichi, gossiping about who he might be involved with . . . and the speculations over Taichi’s orientation especially made Yamato twitch inside. That was hitting too close to home.

He glanced up surreptitiously as Sora denounced the notion with a single word. The others continued to talk, but the auburn haired girl didn’t. She was biting her lower lip, looking serious and thoughtful, and Yamato recognized that expression, reading her easily. Even though she had dismissed the idea of Taichi being gay to her girlfriends, she was considering it privately. He could almost see the thoughts going through her head.

He stared hard at her, almost glaring, until she realized someone was looking at her. Frowning, she gazed across the aisle at Yamato with a questioning expression. He shook his head, telling her silently that she was wrong, showing her with just his eyes that he was appalled she would even entertain a thought like that about Taichi. That did it, just as he knew it would. Sora nodded guiltily, ashamed of herself, and went back to gossiping with her friends.

Yamato smiled inwardly, grimly. That had stopped her line of thinking for the moment, but he knew how Sora was. She had always been difficult to dissuade or nudge off-track, and she’d come back around to the idea sooner or later, especially if she persisted in trying to find out who Taichi was dating. Then things would get dangerous again. Honestly, neither Taichi or Yamato were sure how their friends would react to the news that not only were they gay, but that they were involved with each other. In Sora’s case, neither of them were eager to find out. It was nice to think that she wouldn’t care, that she would be supportive of them. It was nice to think that everyone would be. But, the real world didn’t work like that, and Yamato knew Sora well enough to predict that her reaction probably wouldn’t be favorable.

He based this assumption on an incident that occurred while they were dating. She had met him after band practice one afternoon, and overheard the keyboardist mention that his older brother was gay and had just come out to the family. Sora acted very uncomfortable with the subject, frowning in that maternal way she had of expressing disapproval, making Yamato ill at ease with her as a result. He didn’t know why at the time, because he hadn’t yet woken up to how he felt toward Taichi, but he did know that it very much bothered him that Sora was so closed-minded in her opinion.

That had been just one of the many small things that led Yamato to initiate the talk they had while walking together through the snowy streets one evening, the talk during which they came to the mutual decision to call it quits.

They had been together for almost a year, and even though things had been good for the most part and Yamato was very fond of her, during that time he had methodically picked out many things that he didn’t like about her. Her overly fussy and shielding nature had a lot to do with it. Yamato didn’t like to be taken care of so much, he was far too independent for that. He and she were both strong willed people and they seemed to disagree with each other about a lot of things, but there was never any satisfaction in arguing with her, and hurt feelings always resulted. The few times he had kissed her hadn’t felt right, he was nagged by the notion that he was making out with a sister rather than a girlfriend, and there had been no sense of enjoyment or excitement in the act. Even Sora’s appearance had begun to bother him after awhile. The form of that very female body beneath her clothing wasn’t what he wanted to feel when he put his arms around her. It was too soft in the wrong places. Her hair had too much red in it. Her eyes weren’t brown enough.

Of course, looking back now, Yamato could see exactly why he’d been so picky about Sora. His subconscious had known who he wanted, even if he hadn’t. But it wasn’t until nearly two weeks after he and Sora officially announced that they were no longer a couple that he came face to face with the truth.

It had been snowing again, unusual for the area, but Yamato didn’t mind. He liked the snow. That evening he had the apartment to himself, because his father was working late, and the young blonde was looking forward to spending some time alone. He snuggled up on a cozy floor pillow and started to play a Playstation RPG that he had been working on, while soft white flakes of snow fell lazily outside the window, looking hazy and fluffy against the night. He’d just dispatched a particularly nasty monster, when the buzzer at the door sounded. Putting the game on pause, Yamato grumbled to himself that his nice quiet evening was being interrupted, as he got up to answer it.

He was surprised to find Taichi at the door. For a year, he’d actually seen very little of his best friend, and the few times they did get together for whatever reason, whether helping with the Digital World or just happening upon each other in the halls at school, Taichi had seemed uncharacteristically distant and distracted. Now, standing at Yamato’s door, he was clearly on edge, fidgeting nervously, dark eyes filled with a wild sort of uncertainty, as if he were about to fly into a frenzy. There was even a bit of fear in his unstable expression, which Yamato was very surprised to see. It was a rare day that the Keeper of the Crest of Courage showed that particular emotion.

He let Taichi in, concerned, and as the wild haired boy kicked off his hiking boots and slung his dark blue jacket with the ridiculous paw prints onto a hook, Yamato watched his darting erratic movements and felt a warm weight of worry settle into his chest. As much as it startled him to find his best friend on his doorstep, clearly upset, it was also good to know that Taichi had come to see him when there was a problem. Normally the brunette wasn’t one to seek out assistance, but obviously he had this time, and Yamato was glad to be the one Taichi came to.

Of course, he had no idea then that the reason Taichi was there had less to do with needing a friend than it did with needing something more.

Yamato pushed Taichi toward the table, where they both sat down, and the blonde asked his restless friend what was wrong.

He might have expected some hedging from anyone else. But, Taichi surprised him with a straightforward and quickly delivered answer, his pitch lifting in urgency as he spoke. He pressed his hands against the surface of the table in rhythm with his words, apparently finding it impossible to keep them still.

"Okay. I have to tell you this, Yamato. Before you start seeing someone else. Before you get another girlfriend. This is probably going to completely ruin our friendship, but I gotta say it. I gotta! Because if I don’t, I know I’m gonna break apart. I can’t stand to keep going on like this." Then he lifted his eyes, those beautiful absorbing amber eyes, and blurted, "I love you!"

Yamato remembered being shocked, but curiously . . . not really. It was as if he’d simply been waiting for it to be said, like those words from Taichi were exactly what were needed to open up his mind and his heart. The final pieces in a puzzle he hadn’t known he was putting together. It all clicked, every confusing feeling he’d ever had, every desire, every little thing about Sora that he’d been annoyed with, the feelings of warmth that moved through him whenever he was with Taichi, the texture of the brunette’s hand in his, the flare of the Crest of Friendship as he held Courage in his arms and brought him back from the brink of death. It all melded into one thought, one feeling, one word.

Taichi clambered up to leave when Yamato was slow to react, taking the blonde’s startled silence for rejection. As he hurried for the door, he stumbled over an apology, his voice and his expression showing obvious soul-deep pain. Yamato found out later that Taichi had been fighting with himself over how he was feeling ever since the Christmas concert, when he’d run into Sora behind the auditorium, both of them intending to visit Yamato before the show began. However, Sora made it known that she was interested in the blonde musician and had simply assumed that Taichi’s abrupt reaction and confusion was due to being upset that his former girlfriend wanted to date his best friend. The truth was, at that moment, Taichi was suddenly hit with just how strong his feelings for Yamato were, waking up to reality the very moment that it was too late.

In the year that followed, while Yamato and Sora were a couple, Taichi had waged a impossible battle with his own unhappiness, but remained silent and distant so that he wouldn’t ruin what his two best friends had together. It was a type of courage that he’d never had to use before, and Taichi didn’t like it in the least. There was little satisfaction in it, it was lonely, and it hurt horribly.

When the pair parted ways, Taichi was ashamed of how glad he was, but he was also sent spinning out of sorts once again. Yamato was free, but did Taichi dare tell him how he felt? After nearly two weeks of agonizing, of jumping in nervous anxiety at every rumor that surfaced concerning who the blonde musician might be seeing next, Taichi decided that he had to let his feelings be known, or he would end up regretting his silence again. In a burst of desperate bravery, he had forced himself to run to Yamato’s apartment on that snowy evening.

Yamato wouldn’t let him leave. In fact, he ended up scrambling from his chair to get to the door before Taichi did, reaching out and giving the little brunette a shove to the chest that nudged him back into the apartment. To Taichi’s bewildered and stupefied expression, Yamato smiled warmly and replied, "I love you too, baka. Now, go sit down and we’ll talk about this."

They ordered Chinese food, and over cashew chicken and house fried rice, the two boys talked like they never had before. The snow continued to fall late into the evening, while they discussed everything from their feelings to dreams to adventures shared in the Digital World. And both reflected on the moments which had meant the most to them, the shining jewels of time-standing-still that keenly illustrated what neither of them had realized before the night of Yamato’s Christmas concert. For the blonde, it was holding hands as the two angelic digimon shot them with arrows of energy. He remembered perfectly getting a sense of Taichi’s heartbeat as they stood united, the feel of his hand, the bright courage and warm friendship that they shared freely with each other as the arrows hit.

Yamato was sure that Taichi’s defining moment would have been when he was healed by the power of the Crest of Friendship after facing Piedmon. But the brunette shook his head and smiled cheekily as he popped a egg roll into his mouth.

"That was an important moment, but I never lost faith that you would show up, Yamato, because I already knew that you would never let me down." He looked thoughtful as he chewed, a strand of hair escaping from his headband and falling over his eyes. "No, it was much simpler than that. It was that day when both Mimi and Jyou were feeling sick, remember? And we’d done nothing but walk the entire day and they were miserable, and Takeru and Hikari were cranky and acting up. And Sora was getting on my case about setting the pace too fast, but I knew we had to keep going because we were in kuwagamon territory and the last thing we needed was a fight, but she didn’t want to listen to me. By the time we stopped, I was nearly at the end of my patience, you know? It all seemed so hard and pointless all of the sudden, and I wanted to just throw down right there and give up."

Taichi paused for a moment then looked up at Yamato, his dark expressive eyes sparkling with a grin that didn’t quite reach his face as he mentally replayed the memory. "I was helping Hikari bed down, and she was complaining. She didn’t do that often, because usually she was a good kid, but it had been a bad day for everybody, and I was trying my best to be tolerant. I remember I happened to look up and I noticed that you were watching me. Just looking at me while I struggled with Hikari. So, I waited for you to say something snotty like you usually did, and if you had, I think I would have gone straight for your throat." Taichi tipped his head slightly as he spoke, and reached across the table in a idle manner to brush his fingertips over the back of Yamato’s hand, in the first gesture of affection either of them had dared since Taichi’s arrival at the apartment. The touch made Yamato’s skin tingle.

"But you didn’t say anything," Taichi continued easily, leaning back in his chair again. "You just smiled at me. You gave me this really reassuring smile, like you thought I was doing a good job in spite of the bad day we’d all had. And Yamato . . . you have no idea what that meant to me . . . "

By the time Taichi reluctantly left that evening, Yamato felt like he was glowing inside. Like the Crest of Friendship had finally been fully activated and now would never stop shining.

After that, their relationship grew, but it was slow to come to full blossom. It was as if they weren’t exactly sure how to approach the closeness that they were both yearning for, where the parameters should be drawn, and - most of all - who should take the lead. For so long, they had been mired down in the mind-set that Taichi was the leader and Yamato was his adversarial follower, that it was very difficult to break the habit and look at what they had as a partnership. Sometimes, Yamato felt that he had to defer to Taichi, but was also compelled to challenge him. The blonde did not like the thought of his fate being out of his hands, he never had, but the notion seemed even more poignant now. Sure, he could trust Taichi in front of him on a field of battle, but in a relationship? That was another matter entirely.

Yamato had spent most of his years hardening himself to affection, precisely because he had been hurt too many times. His parent’s divorce had torn from him not only his mother, but his brother as well, and that was a pain which was still strong, always underlying, in Yamato’s heart. He didn’t want that wound opened again, and even though he had let Taichi in much further than he’d ever allowed anyone else, the fear was still predominant. It seemed that the only way to ensure such a disaster not happen again was to maintain a sense of control, thus he found himself countering every advance that Taichi attempted in their relationship.

Not only did the young brunette resent that, just as he had in the Digital World, but Yamato’s actions and reactions also seemed to confuse him, and he began to hesitate and worry over taking forward steps, anticipating the inevitable rebuke. Did Yamato want this relationship, or didn’t he? Didn’t he feel the same depth of trust for Taichi as Taichi felt for him? When they exchanged warm and knowing smiles in the hallways at school, the wild haired boy found his own heart soaring out of control, his emotions racing with a speed that shocked even someone as physical as he was. But those feelings often crashed when, the next time they were alone, Yamato refused to hold his hand or turned away when Taichi tried to kiss his cheek. The pair of them danced around an unseen line that the blonde wouldn’t allow his partner to cross. He knew that it upset and frustrated Taichi, but Yamato simply couldn’t let him in that far.

Not without first knowing that this was permanent . . . forever. He refused to be hurt by someone he loved again.

Then, with far more ease then either boy would have expected, it all straightened itself out.

During the summer session between their first and second years of high school, there was a huge struggle in the Digital World, one which required the assistance of not only the senior team of DigiDestined, but several of the international Chosen as well. A full twenty strong, the teenagers had stood together against an opponent both fierce and deranged, bent on breaking out of the world of data and wreaking havoc in reality. Sensibly recognizing that he was out of his league, Daisuke stepped aside in favor of Taichi’s leadership, but remained steadfast as a second-in-command.

For several weeks, the combined team spread out over File Island under Taichi’s orders and supervision, building an army of digimon to back them, and seeking to thwart the enemy’s efforts whenever and wherever they could. It was a very difficult time for the extended team, but Yamato found himself impressed with how Taichi was able to handle everyone’s fears and worries, plus take charge of so many individuals and lead them in several small skirmishes before the final battle. He was strong throughout it all, unfailing. When the last attack came, though everyone was understandably uneasy, they were also confident in their victory, due in no small part to Taichi’s sound strategy and abiding courage. During the crisis, Yamato’s love, trust, and respect for Taichi simply grew stronger, and he longed to find a way to bridge the distance between them that he himself had created.

When it was over, the teams returned to the Real World, tired, nearly broken and in some cases wounded - but victorious. Just as they had known that they would be. Once again they were greeted by parents, loved ones and a grateful world, and when the tears and hugs were out of the way, the DigiDestined were taken immediately to the closest hospital to have injuries dealt with and exams administered. For several hours things were just as jumbled and confused as they had been in the Digital World, with barely enough time allowed for breathing, thanks to their parents, who were seriously beginning to feel frazzled over the gravity of their children’s responsibilities. But some time on that first night home, Yamato managed to break away from his father - and his mother’s overcompensation - and had searched until he found Taichi sitting alone in a darkened waiting room, his head in his hands.

Concerned, the blonde sat beside him, his very presence asking the other boy what was wrong. Taichi lifted his head, looked up at Yamato with the weight of the past weeks in his expression and tears of stress standing in his eyes, and plaintively asked, "Yamato, did I do all right?"

The blonde remembered how shocked he had been to see tears in those eyes, to see weakness and uncertainty where for weeks there had been only hard-and-fast conviction. He reached out and slid his arms around Taichi, pulling the shorter boy close and secure. He did what he had never dared do before and let his fingers stroke through that wild dark hair, brushing it back from his soul mate’s forehead so that he could press comforting and grateful kisses there against that warm tanned skin. And he was amazed when Taichi didn’t protest his ministrations, but let him take charge, leaning into the comfort offered, pressing a slender hand to Yamato’s chest and tucking his face close to the Keeper of Friendship’s neck. Together they sheltered in that waiting room for most of the night, Yamato holding Taichi and giving him back the strength that he’d so freely given away during the long weeks of battle. There, Yamato initiated their first kiss.

That night, Yamato realized that even Courage needed someplace to retreat to every now and then, and that Taichi used his energy and cheerfulness as shields in the same way that the blonde used his distance and music - as means of protection and to keep up appearances. Taichi was not nearly as open as most people thought, he simply projected that image to put others at ease. As the accepted leader of the group of Chosen Children, the wild haired brunette had an obligation to take care of the others, to offer them strength and security. For the cohesion of the team, he could not allow himself to appear worried or show fear, least those feelings transfer themselves to the others. It was only then - when the danger was over and his DigiDestined family was home and safe - that Taichi could afford to react to his own uncertainties.

Yamato decided right then and there to be a refuge for Taichi, a safe place for his lover where the brunette wouldn’t have to keep up any pretenses of cheerfulness or strength if he didn’t want to, a place where he was accepted and trusted in spite of any weaknesses, no matter how bad the situation. After seeing that weight of responsibility within his lover, after being allowed to witness the rare sight of tears in those dark amber eyes, Yamato could never think any less of Taichi, no matter what happened. Without any words of agreement being spoken between them, the blonde took the lead in the relationship and gave his koibito a sanctuary that he’d never had before, but which was sorely needed.

And, Taichi allowed it. When he saw and felt how easily Yamato embraced him when the choice was his, the brunette understood at last that Yamato needed to maintain control over what happened between them, so that he could be sure that the pain his parents had inflicted on him would not happen again. Taichi was more than willing to give up his own will, to be absorbed by the boy he loved and to conform himself to Yamato’s desires and expectations. When they kissed, Taichi surrendered himself so that Yamato wouldn’t have to.

After all that they had gone through together, after struggling to find and understand their places as partners, it was little wonder that Yamato was so protective of his lover, their relationship and the strength they gave each other. Whereas every other important relationship in his life had moved beyond his control, this one was his to hold onto, his to manipulate, and Yamato was not surprised at all by how quickly he became addicted to Taichi. How he adored seeing that genki lop-sided smile in the school hallway, or how he looked forward to Taichi coming by the auditorium when the brunette was finished with soccer practice. He was not surprised that he reacted with jealousy whenever he heard yet another girl in class gossiping about Taichi, whenever he watched a group of the little snips cheer him on from the stands during a soccer game. To have to listen to that, to have to stand by and act like it didn’t bother him . . . that was the worst torture.

Because this was his! Taichi was his. As transient as others were in the business of their evolving relationship, Yamato still saw them as threats to the stability they had created, and stability was exactly what he had lost when his parents divorced and when Takeru was taken away from him. If Yamato had his way, he’d let Taichi announce their love to the entire school during morning assembly, and finally put all those annoying gossiping insignificant airheads in their place. But, luckily he knew better than that. For their own safety, privacy and future, they stayed silent. Discretion was the only safe recourse, the best way to keep what they had.

He was a little startled when the teacher finally made it into the room and the class officer called for the students to come to order and stand for their bow. Yamato had been so deeply engrossed in his thoughts that he’d almost forgotten he was in class at all. Quickly, he tucked his text into his book bag and got to his feet, watching with satisfaction as the girls around Sora scattered to go back to their proper spots. He bid good riddance to them, a slightly hostile gleam in his narrowed eyes that he didn’t even realize he was displaying.

Sora noticed it, however. She watched as her friend and former beau shot scathing glares after each of the girls as they moved away. That was curious. No . . . Sora amended her thought . . . it wasn’t just curious, it was downright disturbing. What possible reason could Yamato have for being so annoyed that he would use the same type of expression on her friends that he’d employed when challenging Taichi for leadership after his encounter with Jureimon?

Something simply wasn’t right. Frowning thoughtfully, Sora added this new strangeness to her growing list of things to puzzle about.

***********************************

To Be Continued.....

raptor@lavadomefive.com 2002

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